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My problem with perfectionism
#11
(08-13-2019, 11:43 AM)harper Wrote: As you get older, you may find yourself less distracted by all the thinking and be able to get on with your life in peace.  People and their opinions lose importance and fade into the background, once you hit 40 or so.  

I don't know anything about depression or the other issues, but I can say that aging does compensate some of its physical shenanigans with peace of mind.  Feels like a healthy mix of apathy and confidence.  It's a good thing.

Sometimes, I feel like I don't care anymore what people say or think about me. I think it's part of growing and wanting a happy and carefree life.  As much as you struggle all by yourself, you start not giving a damn about people and what they think. I'm not there yet but I can tell I'm in the first stages towards it.
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#12
(08-13-2019, 01:53 PM)Bridgenut Wrote: Here's my thinking on perfectionism.

If you think it's perfect.........it is.  Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  It's only relative to you.

xox

Thank you Bridgenut, you're right. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, trying to be a "perfect" me to consider myself successful or beautiful. That "perfect" me is actually related to the society's standards. I can't seem to enjoy even the small steps that I take to improve myself as long as I didn't reach that perfect image of me in my mind. It's really stressful and suffocating. I'm trying to accept myself the way I am, I think that no one is perfect after all and those imperfections are what make us unique. xoxo
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#13
Hi, Sana!

I'm definitely curious of how most of your problems started after you went into college and in your late teens. It makes me curious if you had a great support structure and friends at home in your early years that kept you from dwelling on such materialistic things or the selfishness some people may have.

And I know what you mean, you're well aware of your age and you know the type of acknowledgement and attention you should received yet people find you cute or adorable when you want to be seen for what you are. I struggle with the same as I'm rarely called handsome or sexy. It's always, you're so cute or you're adorable af. It's nice but I also can't help but feel like it's fake at times. Perhaps it's just an insecurity.

Depression and harsh dealings with people can put a damper on everything you're going through. Make you feel unimportant, worthless, not up to the world's standards and less of a person than anyone else. Hence, your views of "perfectionism".

There are some of us that do see perfection in imperfections and people who are too up to society's standards as entirely too fake. I'm one of them. We do exist. So I hope that reliefs some of the heavy clouds you have right now. I know it's only words and I'm sure the cure for you right now is to be accepted and fully embraced for who you are. Not for who you are going to be, looks, or milestones. Someone who will see you for how you know you should be seen. You clearly seek the real. Some can consider that selfish, I only find the idea of someone only wanting perfection in their SO to be selfish. The fact that you want to be a better you in hopes you'll succeed more shows you aren't entirely stuck on yourself. Otherwise you'd be walking around like you're hot shit. Give yourself more credit for being a real and upstanding individual.

For what I gather so far, you're very much a self-aware person who doesn't succumb to society's brainwashing and from where I stand, that's a very redeemable and attractive quality. Try to stay hopeful that your chance will come and I hope it comes before you get to a darker place.

Hang in there. Smile
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#14
(08-19-2019, 10:09 PM)Siku Wrote: Hi, Sana!

I'm definitely curious of how most of your problems started after you went into college and in your late teens. It makes me curious if you had a great support structure and friends at home in your early years that kept you from dwelling on such materialistic things or the selfishness some people may have.

And I know what you mean, you're well aware of your age and you know the type of acknowledgement and attention you should received yet people find you cute or adorable when you want to be seen for what you are. I struggle with the same as I'm rarely called handsome or sexy. It's always, you're so cute or you're adorable af. It's nice but I also can't help but feel like it's fake at times. Perhaps it's just an insecurity.

Depression and harsh dealings with people can put a damper on everything you're going through. Make you feel unimportant, worthless, not up to the world's standards and less of a person than anyone else. Hence, your views of "perfectionism".

There are some of us that do see perfection in imperfections and people who are too up to society's standards as entirely too fake. I'm one of them. We do exist. So I hope that reliefs some of the heavy clouds you have right now. I know it's only words and I'm sure the cure for you right now is to be accepted and fully embraced for who you are. Not for who you are going to be, looks, or milestones. Someone who will see you for how you know you should be seen. You clearly seek the real. Some can consider that selfish, I only find the idea of someone only wanting perfection in their SO to be selfish. The fact that you want to be a better you in hopes you'll succeed more shows you aren't entirely stuck on yourself. Otherwise you'd be walking around like you're hot shit. Give yourself more credit for being a real and upstanding individual.

For what I gather so far, you're very much a self-aware person who doesn't succumb to society's brainwashing and from where I stand, that's a very redeemable and attractive quality. Try to stay hopeful that your chance will come and I hope it comes before you get to a darker place.

Hang in there. Smile

Hey there,
As I said, it started in the first week of my first year in college, I had a lot of ambitions and big dreams, I used to be a brilliant student in high school, I never thought I would go through all of this. The fight that I had with my roommate made me unable to focus and study, this shattered my confidence and it was the start of my depression. Honestly, I didn't get any support, I have a lot of good friends and a loving family. But at that time, I tried to look strong, no one actually knew about the hell I was going through, I kept it all inside and was just crying where no one could see me and doing the best I could so I don't disappoint my parents. At some point, I felt like I was carrying their dreams, not mine and I just wanted them to be proud and happy. I still do the same sometimes, I cry at night and wake up smiling although I'm now kinda more open about my insecurities than before. My family and friends support me but what I want to see is a real change, I want to get a job, find a loving partner and have a family. Until then, I'm gonna keep struggling with my overthinking, my negative thinking, my anxiety and my depression.
There's something else that I don't like is when people tell me you're photogenic, you look so beautiful in photos, more beautiful than in real life. I really don't get it, could someone be different from his photos? Last year, I knew that handsome and nice guy on Facebook, he wanted to see how I look, I sent him my photos and said to me: you look beautiful and i said thank you and we were supposed to meet and talk more and get to know each other but I ended everything before giving us a chance to do that, I was scared that he's not gonna like me because the real me is different from the photos, I was scared of being rejected. I know it's not right what I did and I'm really tired of being so unfair towards myself, that's why I decided that I have to change, no matter what the outcome is gonna be. I've already started applying for jobs, I need to get over this fear of not being good enough to get one. Hope I'll meet a good guy one day and I'm gonna take my chance, enough is enough! Thank you for your words, it relieves me yeah, talking to someone who wants to understand what you've been through is heartwarming, I do talk with my friends and family but not too much as I always try to play the strong woman's role! Big Grin I actually cried when I read that you were curious to know how my problems had started, I don't know may be I'm sensitive but the fact that you talk to someone that really cares is soothing.
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#15
Nuuuu!! No crying. Sad

Because you knew I saw you. All it takes sometimes is that touch or that perfect question.... That's why you cried. And I didn't want to make you cry... Sad

It's always nice to be seen and heard and not have to doubt it because it was just the right touch of empathy. I see you have a lot of love to give and there's no comparable pain than knowing what you are, holding it back and most importantly, doubting it..
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#16
(08-21-2019, 03:42 AM)Siku Wrote: Nuuuu!! No crying. Sad

Because you knew I saw you. All it takes sometimes is that touch or that perfect question.... That's why you cried. And I didn't want to make you cry... Sad

It's always nice to be seen and heard and not have to doubt it because it was just the right touch of empathy. I see you have a lot of love to give and there's no comparable pain than knowing what you are, holding it back and most importantly, doubting it..

Ok, no more crying! Smile  Thank you Siku
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