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So lonely it hurts
#1
Hey,
I made a thread a few weeks ago but wanted to make a new one. I just feel so lonely. I don't know how to find people to talk to, I can be a bit fussy which doesn't help.
I don't have any friends and my depression and anxiety are crushing me. I just wish I knew how to find more people to talk to.
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#2
(11-02-2019, 11:20 AM)I am not sure how this works did you get this message? Wrote: Hey,
I made a thread a few weeks ago but wanted to make a new one. I just feel so lonely. I don't know how to find people to talk to, I can be a bit fussy which doesn't help.
I don't have any friends and my depression and anxiety are crushing me. I just wish I knew how to find more people to talk to.

I am not sure how this works did you get this message?
I don't seem able to send this
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#3
LaCrousse, a lot of people share your loneliness and resulting difficulties. You've already heard my advice, but I'll elaborate with this.  You have to force yourself to get out of the house every day, even now as you contemplate what interests to pursue. And if you have to drive somewhere to do it, or stop by somewhere after work, then so be it.

Whether it's the grocery store, a walk in a park, gym, library, coffee shop, or restaurant diner where a waitress serves you.  Even these simple activities allow you to have some daily social interaction beyond work.  They will give you little "fixes" of desparately needed attention while you seek something more substantive through clubs, organizations, or church.  

The thing is, when you go out, you need to make a commitment to yourself each time to be assertive. This starts by looking at people and seeing if they return eye contact.  If time permits (an elevator or line being perfect), you need to be the one to grasp the opportunity.  It's easy once you consider that if someone looks back at you, that's your cue that it's safe to smile and say hi, how you doin' today?   In most cases, that'll only yield 2 seconds of reward.  But even that's worthwhile, because you not only gave yourself a social interaction fix, you made someone else feel important and good for a moment too.  In some cases though, I find such contacts with strangers will say more, allowing opportunity for a small chat. And if I build a routine of visiting places repeatedly (like a gym bar, or restaurant), any previous contacts made almost always yield more time and conversation with each reconnect.  Point is, you have to get out - to anywhere - and initiate contact frequently.  The many daily fixes of social interaction won't immediately solve your loneliness, but they will help you enjoy each day more and cope with the loneliness better. And, eventually, a casual contact can become a friend.  Let me elaborate on my own situation.

I retired 4 years ago and am homeless, travelling the world full time.  I have many friends all over the world, but none in my daily life.  I get tired of going out and love just staying at home and doing my internet projects and watching a movie.  But, I recognize my own loneliness, so I force myself to go out for a walk twice a day where people are about. I always initiate contact with every opportunity - to get my own needed fix and to intentionally show Christian kindness and love to others.  In the evenings, I'll often hit a restaurant/bar environment where some other singles sit around looking bored or unsociable.  It's always me who breaks the ice, and I see and meet all kinds of people that I don't particularly want to be friends with. Still, I get a lot of evening long conversations, make contacts that I see again, and aquire a few that have turned into part time international friends that I reconnect with every year or two.  Getting out and initiating contact is key.  I like walking down a street in any small town in the world, seeing someone I recognize from a prior greeting, and stopping to shake their hand and say hi. Just a few minutes of such social interaction makes each day worthwhile.  It takes initiative though; an investment of time and effort.

So, while you're fretting over the big picture and potential solutions, I'd suggest you take the small steps each day right now.
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#4
Excellent tips, sir Joseph!

"...I have many friends all over the world, but none in my daily life. .."

This words reminded me Janis Joplin, she said she sung for hundreds and went home to sleep with no one; so she was a loner!

The good thing of this place it is loneliness is admitted, but DEEPLY inside there's no a complete ADMISSION to those who approached in the journeyed life.

In fact Janis said, "I made love to hundreds when signing, and returned home to sleep alone".

Oh, a Christian!

Nowadays I don't use that label, but I'm trying to MEET God in a personal: I'm getting rid of too many things I haven't found while i preached on the streets, while attending churches or while I feared I will die: my deepest fear it is I HAVE LIED with the fears I have been fed up.
I'll be all I want to be!
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#5
(11-02-2019, 11:20 AM)LaCrousse Wrote: Hey,
I made a thread a few weeks ago but wanted to make a new one. I just feel so lonely. I don't know how to find people to talk to, I can be a bit fussy which doesn't help.
I don't have any friends and my depression and anxiety are crushing me. I just wish I knew how to find more people to talk to.

Hi Crouse!

Although we 're not talking , we're reading... If I was FUSSY or touchy, could I be narcissist?

That's one area where you your own scan to find what's wrong in you. After you get yourself checked, we all ppl could be spotted and Diagnosed: We're all self-centered.

If you left sugar on a table, you'll see flies or ants. Money, beauty, hipocrisy could be the "sugar" ants or flies could be seeking. It's our jobti serve the tables but, do you want to SERVE or be served? (That's Jesus' thought)
I'll be all I want to be!
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#6
I understand the hurt part.  Yesterday for the first time I felt physical pain from my loneliness.  I was so sad it hurt to get off the chair and walk the dog.  I know I am not sick.  Just really sad.  I hope it gets better for you.
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#7
i know how you feel, i get off my loneliness after i'm married now so easy for me to say i'm embracing my alone time because i already have one beside me and one is enough really  Smile  also internet can meet me with this lonely forum, watching youtube people, watching out side world from the home.

internet can be problems because we comfortable with it that it makes us don't get out so much to make effort to real socialization. we are afraid of rejections over again. 

so i think you should find someone for you to marry, you can find this person online by dating forum or app also get off the internet for possible marriage mate or friends. get a pet, go to the book store, read. join a hobby club or volunteer. that's all i can say.
must be me right?  Cool

[Image: giphy.gif]
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#8
”Whether it's the grocery store, a walk in a park, gym, library, coffee shop, or restaurant diner where a waitress serves you. Even these simple activities allow you to have some daily social interaction beyond work. They will give you little "fixes" of desparately needed attention while you seek something more substantive through clubs, organizations, or church.”

Doesn’t always work for everyone, unfortunately. Mostly, I find those simple activities don’t provide a little “fix” of social interaction, but just highlight even more how isolated and invisible I seem to be. Not everyone gets a kind or positive response from that waitress or that person in the park you smiled at and said hello to.
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#9
I read somewhere once that it's not the lack social connection that makes people feel alone, rather the lack of meaningful social connection. 

If you want to have a good social life, without necessarily forming close bonds, perhaps you might try meetup groups or social apps? Or take up a class? It may be awkward at first, to approach someone, but you basically just start of with smiling and then after a few times, you can say hi, and then make small talk about the weather etc, and then it can go from there. Or if the chance comes up, offer to help a neighbour/colleague? 

All of my good friends I met while volunteering for an animal shelter. I've met a lot of kind, friendly people doing voluntary work, so give that a go maybe?
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#10
Quote:I read somewhere once that it's not the lack social connection that makes people feel alone, rather the lack of meaningful social connection.

Wow , What a meaningful quote
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