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Untrustworthy feelings
Wish I was more sure about myself. 
That I was able to trust my feelings.
Some days I feel betrayed by them. 

Every single time I feel very upset I question myself. 
Do I have reason to feel upset?
Is me being upset even relevant to what released it?
I get overwhelmed with feelings and since I bottle up a lot, I’m always unsure about why. 
There has been many occasions where I realize I’m venting my other backed up shit rather than actually responding to something real. 

It’s a weird place to be. 
Emotions raging through my body with no way to find out why or if it’s even true.
[Image: tenor.gif]
Hi MB,

Could you elaborate a little bit on what triggers your emotions? Do you feel emotional regardless or do certain things happen that upset you? Could you maybe give an example?

Being upset for any reason is never a nice place to be.
Generally I’m very detached from my feelings. 
They get bottled up and explode in some way or form. Usually with me acting bitchy and bratty.
Not a very favorable quality to have but yeah, it’s there. I’ve been trying to change that about me for a long time. Sadly, I’m guessing it’s tied very well to my other issues. 

Let’s see.
It usually is triggered by something. It doesn’t just come out of the blue. 
What I don’t know though is if I’m simply taking things the wrong way (unintentionally or intentionally?) to release pressure. 
Like someone saying something rude to me, that I normally have an extreme amount of patience with but now suddenly I’m getting hurt and mad because of it. 
It can also be a thingy that, according to the one that said it, is something that I’ve misunderstood. But I’m sitting there feeling all this shit and.. yeah.
I get sad, cry, I get mad.. and I instantly get very insecure about it. Start to question if I’m right or not. I feel guilty for feeling what I’m feeling too. 

I recognize that these thought are coming from my bad childhood. 
Just wish I could somehow be sure about what I’m feeling is right.
That it’s real.
[Image: tenor.gif]
I get what you are saying, I think a lot of people here could relate. It's hard to put your feelings aside or what is going on in your mind and find what is real. I try to focus on the facts, the real things around me and what actually happened and then come to a more rational conclusion. That usually only works if I can settle myself down and clear my head of everything else.
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

[Image: mlJt1O.gif]
Well first thing to say is that everyone gets upset and angry from time to time, it's not wrong to have emotions and they can sometimes be appropriate. That said, it can be very hard to differentiate between someone joking around or meaning offence, and it can lead to all sorts of confusion. Perhaps the best thing to do is to assume the best of other people and work from there? I know people can be a let down, and it sounds as though you've had your fair share of those, but if we assume negativity of others it actually makes things worse.

Can I ask what you feel your position in life is? By that I mean how you try to live and how you try to be with yourself and other people. Life can be a choppy sea at times and it's a good idea to be as stable a ship as possible to weather it all. It's about finding the values within yourself and having a personal inner fortress, with a drawbridge that remains open 99% of the time. Hope that makes sense.
Yeah, I get you. I usually have so much patience with this so it bothers me so much when I lose sight of it. 
I get stuck in the moment and the feeling of pressure needing to get out is hard for me to control.
It’s like my feelings go a little rampant. 
I’m lucky to have someone that gives me space to be what I need to be in order to feel better.
Just wish I could control it more. Not fun when I realize that what I did was bad. Makes me feel guilty. Also sucks to feel like what I’m feeling may not be real. 😔

My position in life. Hmm. 
A pretty shitty one I think. Ofc, a lot of things could be worse and even the place I am now is an improvement to where I was when I was younger. 
Very hard to keep myself stable when all I’ve ever been in is a storm. 
I’m hoping to move to a new chapter in my life though. Make it or die trying kind of deal. 
Maybe it will be better when I get there. I hope so.
Feels nice talking about it and have someone listen. 

Thanks Sci-fi and Yeti ❤️
[Image: tenor.gif]
I think I’m black or white. All of myself or none of myself. 
That means that I’m either abandoning my own feelings in order to protect others or that I’m going completely selfish and getting engulfed with feeling me.
[Image: tenor.gif]
That last part could be taken the wrong way...jk

Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first and your own feelings. It's not selfish to do so.
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

[Image: mlJt1O.gif]
(11-11-2019, 08:58 AM)Sci-Fi Wrote: That last part could be taken the wrong way...jk

Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first and your own feelings.  It's not selfish to do so.

What could be taken the wrong way? 🤔 
I'm not following 🤗

A part of me realizes and believes it's not selfish to take care of your own feelings first. I recognize it and would tell others to do the same. 
I just don't know how to tackle this issue. I've been talking to therapists about it before and it helped me at least see my behavior. Just so lost about what to do about it. They couldn't help me so it feels like I'm stuck. I guess it's progress to allow myself to show others that I get mad or hurt by them. I didn't at all before but that's kind of a better way to be regarding socialization and that makes me kind of glad I have a hard time really liking someone to the point it matters if they don't like it.
[Image: tenor.gif]
That joke flew right over me. 
It was my favorit kind of joke too. 🙄
[Image: tenor.gif]

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