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May never happen for me
#11
Beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder.

Personally I have a 'type' that at first glance I'm super-attracted to and others that I'm attracted to and others that I wouldn't take a second look at.

This could all change in the first minute of a conversation, the girl I'm super attracted to might have bad breath or swear like trooper. No matter how attractive she was it would turn me off her.

The girl I wouldn't take a look at might turn out to be attractive by just being 'her'.

Real-life example,

My super-attracted type is a catwalk model figure but shorter and curvier. I like the way they hold themselves too. We have a few like that at my workplace, first time I saw them I thought 'wow', after working with them a few months there was no attraction at all.

A girl I wouldn't look twice at, would sit next to me at work and was the funniest person I'd ever met. She was overweight, but not obese, but definitely not someone I'd normally be attracted to, let alone super-attracted to. But she grew on me, I looked forward to seeing her everyday because she made me laugh over and over again. She had a boyfriend, but if I were single and she was single, I would definitely of asked her out, knowing that a future with her would've been full of fun. If she'd of said 'no' I'd have been gutted. 

After first impressions, things like her voice (I like husky posh) and how she talks (vocab etc) are attractive to me. I like a flirtatious nature and go for dresses and skirts over trousers and suits. 

Going even deeper, I detest women who are 'up themselves', the type you talk to for 5 minutes and it's all me, me, me. I don't like hypocrites and value truth more than anything.  Any sense of a lie or talking about someone behind there back and I would instantly be turned off them, even if I was super-attracted to her.

The main women I've had in my life (relationship over a year ) were:

1. Attracted to, skinny, flat chested, lovely bottom!, very funny, lacking intelligence, looked after herself. I was with her 9 years (I left her)
2. Attracted to, medium sized, huge boobed, ok bottom, opinionated, intelligent, looked after herself, dressed nice. I was with her 12 years (divorced mutual)
3. Attracted to, medium sized, medium boobed, nice bottom, incredible in bed, very friendly, loved by all. I was with her 10 blissful years (widowed)
4. Super-attracted, stunning figure, firm, athletic, married to her job, never any time, stressed. I was with her a year (she 'rightly' broke it off, it would never have worked)

I'm average looking, average build, lots of emotional scars from those relationships, but happy and jokey. I'm comfortable talking to anyone, but I've got a big nose, baggy eyes, big teeth that are stating to yellow, pale skin, hardly a catch!  And ageing!  I like myself though, comfortable in my own skin. And people genuinely interest me, I'm not thinking about myself when I talk to them, I 'listen' and enjoy doing it. Apparently I have nice eyes, can make them laugh and women get attracted to my confidence

So, I think we all have a type of person we get attracted to at first glance, but we need to have the social intelligence to see past that and get to know someone before deciding whether we're really attracted to them. And that applies to ourselves too, give people the chance to get to know us.

You've got to give them the chance to get to know you before dismissing them with the negativity that 'It may never happen to me' ,
Firstly you've got to get out there and get talking, secondly is to keep that going with the ones you like and thirdly is to understand that they may not be interested in you and that's just the way it is.  They have their type in the same way you have yours. But the vast majority of people will be matched to someone. The pool to choose from may be smaller for us 'ugly ones' but it's still there nevertheless. Don't lose confidence, keep going, they're out there waiting for you!
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#12
(03-20-2020, 08:04 AM)Futurecatlady2 Wrote: I'm 32, female, never been in love or been loved. I had one relationship which lasted a year. I used to have unfounded hope that things would change but I'm finally accepting that most likely, they won't. I don't know what is so special about me that this universal, almost inevitable human experience has passed me by.

I can't have everything. My life has no joy but it is easy at least. It is not too hard to just keep existing.

That sounds a lot like me actually, I'm 35 and have only had two actual relationships (one lasted just shy of a year when I was 19-20, and one that lasted 4 months when I was 29). I had a pretty horrible online relationship in my mid-20s that contributed a lot to being a lonely and isolated person that never does anything, but I think a lot of the damage that one did has gone away.

Like I said in the other thread, I wish I had some sort of advice, but I really don't, unfortunately. I'm just as lost in this situation as you are. I hope you can find some happiness, though, and maybe I can someday find some myself.
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