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Am I a pedophile?
(01-06-2021, 09:42 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Alcoholics/addicts often admit they have problems....just to shut people up and make it seem like they give a shit when in reality, they just say it to look better so they can go out and continue doing what they want.  Admitting it and saying "oh I was going to get help, but blah" is basically saying you won't.
Generalizing is never an explanation. And you can hardly compare alcoholics/addicts who are under influence of different substances with this situation. OP is still in control of his actions while alcoholics/addicts are not.

(01-06-2021, 09:42 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Regardless the reason, he won't. 
You don't know that. Again, generalizing is not the way.

(01-06-2021, 09:42 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Maybe it's because I have kids and I know several people who were abused in sexual ways as children, but no, sorry, if he really wants it to never happen, he would be more scared of NOT getting help than getting help.
I also have kids and I also know people abused as children. But, that is not the reason I will judge anyone in advance, especially if he claims he didn't hurt anyone.

(01-06-2021, 10:25 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: He posted one post and never came back, so I don't even see why people keep bumping this thread.  And yeah, people lie on the internet all the damn time when it comes to shit like this.  For all you know, he has acted on it and is just ashamed to say so.  I state again, that if he really wanted nothing to ever happen, he would be more scared to NOT get help.
So, now he is a liar too? I'm really surprised someone like you is in the place like this for so long as I don't believe anyone here is interested in prejudice, generalization and condemnations. If you cannot even try to be supportive toward someone who openly wants to change, then please don't do any damage either. Even if he did something, you are not the authority to place judgments.

While pedophilia is indeed a terrible crime, the severity of the crime should not immediately condemn the person. OP claims he didn't do anything, and until proven there is no reason to believe otherwise. Nobody forced him to come here, and your attitude will definitely not help him to return to this discussion.
No you are not , You are a pervert
(01-08-2021, 06:16 PM)Tobakki3 Wrote: No you are not , You are a pervert

I'm curious, what would you do if you had thoughts like the OP? It's easy to say you would get help without too much thought. But, what if you did and it didn't work, which is typically the case? How would you think about yourself? 

I like women with some life experience. I like the way they look, the way they smell, and their feminine body language with a flip of the hair, a bat of their eyes, and or their hand gestures. It would be horrible if society dictated that it was disgusting to think that way and jail me if I ever acted on it. Not that long ago, a women was considered an adult women when she started having periods. Now, it's 18 years old in the US. But, many aren't mentally developed until their mid 20's. So should we change the legal age of consent to 21?
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I don't how to make a big discussion about it and i am sure no one is perfect ,  but

That is plain wrong .

Quote:Have they not journeyed in the land and had hearts to reason with or ears to listen with? Therefore, it is not the sight(s) that go blind, but it is the hearts within the chests that go blind.

Dear scholars, As-Salaam `Alaykum. Would you please provide me with information about the refinement of the soul? Jazakum Allah khayran.

Quote:Tazkiyat an-Nafs is the basis for development and improvement of the personality. It is a long, pro-active, and uphill task. It is not an easy esoteric rite or overnight formula. Misunderstanding of Tazkiyah manifests when people look for quick methods of becoming better. Some may visit graves of the righteous; some may repeat certain supplications for a given number of times. Yet others subject themselves to physical suffering in the hope that this will lead to spiritual purity. All of these are forms of escapism from facing the real challenges of Tazkiyah.

Tazkiyah is by Allah

Allah purifies whom He wants (4:49). All human effort at Tazkiyah should always be accompanied by supplication for Allah's intervention without which human effort will bear no fruit. On the other hand, it is wrong for a human to make no effort and passively expect Allah to intervene. Humans must play their role before expecting Allah's help.

Human Efforts Toward Tazkiyah

The human can do a lot to refine the soul (Nafs). The Qur'an talks about humans who purified themselves and about human efforts toward refinement (35:18). Humans have been described by the Qur'an as clean (19:19). Some human self-refinement, Tazkiyah, involves: correct and firm `Aqidah, fulfillment of acts of worship, avoiding the forbidden, generally being conscious of the Creator, and constant meditation about the creation. This is followed by personal development and improvement, which consist of a good character and behavior; assertiveness, and self-confidence. An individual may not succeed alone. Living in a righteous community surrounded by others is necessary to motivate and encourage refinement. Islam is a practical religion. Achievement of purity is through action. Good behavior, avoiding bad behavior, and being strong and assertive in making correct choices is the practical way to purity.

Preliminaries of Tazkiyah

Good intentions: Tazkiyah is not accidental. It is a pro-active process. It must be based on the good and sincere intention to please Allah and draw near to Him. The process of Tazkiyah can not be sustained if done for other reasons.

Commitment: Tazkiyah can be a difficult process especially at the start. Some may try and think of giving up. Continuing commitment is needed to be able to travel all the way to the end of the process.

Being true: The person undertaking Tazkiyah must be true to self, to others and to Allah. True to self means understanding and accepting yourself as you are with all the negatives and positives such that the negatives can be suppressed while the positives can be enhanced. Being true to others is saying and acting according to the truth and never deceiving or giving the wrong impressions.

Earnest entreaty to Allah: Tazkiyah requires that a very strong desire and longing to turn to Allah and get closer to Him. This gives a sense of direction and a sense of purpose to the Tazkiyah efforts.

Tazkiyah at the Conceptual Level

Answering the call of Allah: The path of virtue is the straight path. Humans must stick to the straight path. Sticking to the straight path has a lot of virtues (41:30-32). Those who stick to the path of virtue are answering the call of Allah (8:24). The misguided ignore this call or turn away from it. They end up following the wrong paths that lead them to perdition.

Renouncing materialism (Zuhd): Zuhd means giving priority to the after life. Preferring the material world is severely condemned by the Qur’an. The Hereafter is better than the material world (3:14-15). Zuhd has been misunderstood by many down the centuries. It does not mean withdrawal from life and making no contribution to the building of a material civilization. Neither does it mean refusing to enjoy the bounties that Allah put on earth for the benefit of humans. Living like a hermit may not be the total or only meaning of Zuhd. Zuhd means belittling materialism and having a correct relation to material goods as things to be used by humans in the fulfillment of their duties to Allah and not as masters who control human behavior.

A person may own a lot of money and material goods but he knows that in front of Allah they are worth very little. He will not be intoxicated by nor worship material goods. He will have a higher scale of values that he refers to. His maximum pleasure will not be attained by material possessions. Zuhd also means not selling eternal values for the sake of temporary material advantage on earth; such a trade is indeed a losing trade. A human should live on earth as a stranger or a traveler in the knowledge that the life in the Hereafter is eternal and that all the time spent on earth should be used to prepare for the Hereafter.

Vigilance against Satan: Satan is an enemy of humans. A human who wants to stay pure must be vigilant against Satan's influence. Satan has limited influence over human action. He causes waswasah (Satanic whispers). He leads astray. Satan is never away from humans. Every human has a Satan around him or her. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, in a very revealing metaphor said that Satan circulates in the human body as does the blood. Satan will always try to confuse humans. He, for example, will attempt to prevent the human from waking up in the morning to pray. The human is however not helpless against Satan. There are many simple actions that will chase Satan away and all of these are part of the process of Tazkiyah. The sound of Adhan makes the Satan run away. Reading thr Qur'an also chases away Satan. Thus a human who is regular in prayer and recites the Qur'an often as a guide to life will be vigilant against the machinations of Satan."
I have a few questions. Do you hear voices inside your head telling you to do things that upset or disgust you? Do you see mental images of touching children and you're upset by them? I'm asking because OCD is a very misunderstood mental disorder. You don't hear the voices outside your head (like someone talking to you - that's like schizophrenia) but voices inside your head talking to you or disturbing images. OCD is NOT someone who cleans up a lot or needs to keep things in order (although an OCD cleaner might not leave their house for DAYS because they feel like their house is never clean enough (the cleaning literally takes over their lives - they won't even go out because they cannot stop cleaning for days on end), they will wake up in the middle of the night and start cleaning their already clean houses after spending the day cleaning their already clean houses. People who do this kind of OCD are OCD with compulsions. If you are hearing voices inside your head or seeing things in your mind, you are more likely a pure OCD (only about 2% of OCD are obsession only). The top 3 types of pure OCD are: am I gay? AM I A PEDOPHILE? And religious OCD (you're a Christian and your head literally won't stop cursing God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit), or constantly making you think you're sinning. It's a horrible disease. The WHO lists OCD in the top 3 worst mental illnesses to live with (schizophrenia being the first). It is a very misunderstood disease. Do you really want to touch children or is it your mind telling you you want to touch children and the idea actually scares and disgusts you? Counselors/therapists cannot help with OCD. You will need medication. Only two drs are allowed to diagnosed OCD - a medical doctor and a psychiatrist. I HIGHLY recommend a psychiatrist. Most medical doctors are not trained in this line of work. They are trained for physical body and maybe anxiety and depression. A good medical doctor won't even touch this and they too will refer you to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists understand mental illnesses and the mind. A good psychologist can tell if you probably suffer from OCD, but then they have to refer you to a psychiatrist for an actual diagnosis and medication (if they don't refer you, then run, they are not allowed to diagnose by law because they are not qualified and they cannot give medication). You can google OCD pedophile and see if any of it fits you but I will warn that it will tigger your thoughts even more. Look for a psychiatrist that also does psycho therapy, they are much better than a 10-15 minute here's your medicine. You'll get a better diagnosis and help with one who does therapy along with it.
I should also have noted, that one, OCD does start in childhood (like you mentioned). As far as getting help, if you work with a psychiatrist who works with OCD (and you should only work with one who has experience), then this is something they have heard before because it's one of the top 3 themes of a pure OCD, so no, they wouldn't think of reporting someone who has never acted on it and is getting help for a mental illness. A medical doctor, however, probably has not heard of this and might be frightened by what you say. Psychiatrists have heard it all.

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