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I feel that adult males who are "forever alone" are society's scapegoats.
#31
(03-07-2021, 03:49 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(03-07-2021, 02:54 AM)Forgottendanfan Wrote: If someone made a derogatory comment against someone for being gay, disabled, ethnic minority etc. their feet wouldn't touch the ground before they received a warning or even a possible ban, but apparently it's perfectly acceptable to insult a lonely adult male virgin. The double standard makes me sick.

Do you, by chance, report the posts that insults you (or whoever you are talking about)?  If not, I think the blame is on you there, since you can't expect the mods to read every single post.  Also, if you don't report the issues, chances are high that the mods won't see it since they seem to be rather busy in their own lives. 
They don't get paid for moderating this forum, so take the initiative and report something if it offends or insults you.  BUT, that said, just because you find it insulting doesn't necessarily mean the mods will find it insulting.  A shit ton of my posts gets reported, but I don't get in trouble because I didn't break any rules.  Some people simply don't like what I say.


It wasn't me who was insulted. Rest assured if it was, I would've gone straight to the moderators to report it as I don't suffer fools gladly. Having said that, I don't fight other people's battles for them. God knows I've enough of my own to contend with.

Also I wasn't specifically talking about this forum alone, but the general consensus that society seems to have, that adult male virgins are worse than Satan's armpit.
Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend....any minor world that breaks apart, falls together again.
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#32
Sorry, but if I see something that is offensive, I report it, whether it's about me or not. It's not about fighting other people's battles for them, it's about doing the right thing.
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#33
Ardour was pm'd though.
Happiness is a false God.
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#34
(03-07-2021, 04:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Sorry, but if I see something that is offensive, I report it, whether it's about me or not.  It's not about fighting other people's battles for them, it's about doing the right thing.


I didn't see it. Apparently it took place within a private conversation between Ardour and someone else. If I'd seen the comment first hsnd, I quite possibly would have reported it.
Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend....any minor world that breaks apart, falls together again.
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#35
(03-07-2021, 02:54 AM)Forgottendanfan Wrote: Also I wasn't specifically talking about this forum alone, but the general consensus that society seems to have, that adult male virgins are worse than Satan's armpit.

It's like the right-wing argument about poverty - that it's under your control and if you're not making it, it means you're not doing enough out of some moral failing and therefore you deserve to suffer. Or they say you're just weak/inferior/a loser and your suffering is survival of the fittest working as it should. Either way, they think there's no problem to solve or no reason to feel empathy or even listen to what anyone has to say.

Or it's just the grown up version of "kick the (perceived) weak person, it's fun and they're not going to do anything because they're weak. and we get to feel like we're better than someone and special for it yay"

(03-07-2021, 02:54 AM)Forgottendanfan Wrote: If someone made a derogatory comment against someone for being gay, disabled, ethnic minority etc. their feet wouldn't touch the ground before they received a warning or even a possible ban, but apparently it's perfectly acceptable to insult a lonely adult male virgin. The double standard makes me sick.

Like I was saying, there's other factors at play though. I understand how you feel about this, I've felt something similar myself. But unless it's happening to you right here and now, it's best not to make yourself mad about hypothetical situations.

It's like going out thinking "man if someone says the wrong thing to me, I'm going to get so pissed, I'm going to fuck them up". But it hasn't happened yet, and there's no indication that it necessarily will happen. So it's best not to get yourself worked up and ruin your mood over "what if's".

(03-07-2021, 04:09 AM)Rodent Wrote: I don't think I have encountered anyone publicly using slurs and speaking overtly derogatory of a group, even male virgins, in years and those that did usually got banned quickly. I think the mods also got a feel for context and when somebody speaks from genuine conviction or just out of accumulated frustration.

Going to have to disagree here, especially going back into older posts from around the time I joined or a little before. I've seen derogatory things said, namecalling, all kinds of vicious comments, all right there out in the open. The main person doing it was obviously attacking people, even for offenses that didn't even exist, yet was not banned or even warned as far as I can tell, though they don't seem to be here anymore either. So in a sense it doesn't matter, but then again...at one point, that was allowed to let stand.

It's not happening now. But it's something to keep in mind, and I don't think it's too cool.

(03-07-2021, 04:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Sorry, but if I see something that is offensive, I report it, whether it's about me or not. It's not about fighting other people's battles for them, it's about doing the right thing.

The problem is that there is so much subjectivity. "Offensive", "right thing", etc. And then trusting other people to do that right thing.

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#36
(03-07-2021, 04:59 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote:
(03-07-2021, 04:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Sorry, but if I see something that is offensive, I report it, whether it's about me or not.  It's not about fighting other people's battles for them, it's about doing the right thing.

The problem is that there is so much subjectivity.  "Offensive", "right thing", etc.  And then trusting other people to do that right thing.

Yeah, see with me,  I am rarely offended by anything, so if I can see it's offensive, it's usually pretty fucked up.   Not only that, but a lot of times, people who come to a forum like this don't want to call attention to themselves or think they deserve it or something, so they won't report anything or stand up for themselves. 
This should be a safe place, so I report shit if it break rules or crosses a line. In chat, I will call out anyone who says anything negative about a forum member, whether they are in chat or not.
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#37
(03-07-2021, 05:08 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Not only that, but a lot of times, people who come to a forum like this don't want to call attention to themselves or think they deserve it or something, so they won't report anything or stand up for themselves. 

I could see that. I think standing up for yourself, and the right to stand up for yourself, is essential to self-worth and ultimately maybe even confidence and a way out of loneliness. I know how not doing it made me feel, and I didn't like it.

(03-07-2021, 05:08 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: This should be a safe place

Agreed. Unfortunately that's not always the case. But it should be.

(03-07-2021, 05:08 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: In chat, I will call out anyone who says anything negative about a forum member, whether they are in chat or not.

It would be easy to let that stuff go if the person wasn't even in the chat to be offended by it. It's good that you don't, though. Shows integrity.

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#38
(03-07-2021, 04:59 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: Going to have to disagree here, especially going back into older posts from around the time I joined or a little before.  I've seen derogatory things said, namecalling, all kinds of vicious comments, all right there out in the open.  The main person doing it was obviously attacking people, even for offenses that didn't even exist, yet was not banned or even warned as far as I can tell, though they don't seem to be here anymore either.  So in a sense it doesn't matter, but then again...at one point, that was allowed to let stand.

I could be wrong, Ska. I can absolutely admit that. I was even under the impression that you've been around for a lot longer than me but I've only joined a few months after you...how about that. Can't say I looked too much into posts before my time, so who knows. I don't have a good memory of my early years here, some things I might have tried to forgot deliberately too. So I'll take your word for it.

I'm also not prone to being offended by words, so I don't think I ever reported anything but spam and illegal shit. I'm always up for arguing against someone who I think is wrong about a subject or is not approaching it with what I deem the necessary nuance.

...this thread has gotten off the rails quite a bit, not that we were ever truly on the rails to begin with. But I think I'll stick with my original statement. Most of those men are invisible most of the time. A lot of subgroups, some less than admirable, reside within that large pool though and justified or not, a single man is something that is often scrutinized.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I go...
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#39
(03-07-2021, 04:37 AM)Hazed Wrote: Ardour was pm'd though.

It was in the course of conversation that started out civil. People claim offence over all sorts of things in order to shut down opinions they don't like and I'd rather not join in the easily offended 'triggered' brigade.
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