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misunderstood

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[/size][/font]I gave birth to a baby boy two weeks ago. I am one of those teenagers who got pregnant early. I'm having problems to my boyfriend since I'm pregnant. First, he wants to abort the baby. He gives me threats like: "If you're not going to abort the baby, I'm going to leave you alone". He's always trying to punch my stomach because he believes that it will be a good way to abort the baby. I'm always crying on my first trimester of pregnancy. But things went well on my second trimester and third because of both families.

Now that I already gave birth to the baby, things were a bit different. He's always pushing me around. And he's always lying to me. It's so hard to accept the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. And his family doesn't like me. I don't know what to do. I am very depressed and can't sleep every night. I'm just fourteen but things are very hard to me. I always have suicide thoughts. I always think that if they (my boyfriend and his family) would be better without me on the way. I want to die but I'm scared. I love my mom, my dad, my little sister. But I am being shattered. Shattered to death. I am on my way to giving up but I am looking for hope. I don't have many friends. My family would just laugh at me. That's why I'm sticking to life forums. I pray every night, hoping that this situation would end soon. It's very hard to love someone without receiving any feelings from the person. I wish I'm dead. So that I would no longer feel this. Please help me. :(

-misunderstood
 
Hi,
Your ex boyfriend probably never loved you if he can't accept something that is partially his fault and now his responsibility. He was foolish to not use protection and even more foolish to attempt to hit you in the stomach. He is a child. A scared, wimpy, little child, who doesn't know what it is to be a man and probably never will. A man accepts his mistakes and responsibilities and tries to make the best of them. A child tries to run away.

And, well, so are you. You guys really should have used protection if you were going to fool around, but there's not much that can be done about that anymore.

Do you still have the kid, or is it up for adoption? If the child isn't up for adoption, you have a huge responsibility right now that goes far beyond yourself. To hell with the guy. To run him over with a bus would be doing him and the world a favor. One less crying little worthless honeysuckle would be pleasant for a change.
 
Allowing a dude to punch you in the uterus while you're pregnant. Good way to give your child brain damage over a man. Nice. Good job.






I'm sorry but you should have thought about who he was and what your situation was with him before you decided to put yourself in a position to even get pregnant. He got what he wanted out of you, had fun for a bit, and is out the door. Look before you leap.



:|
 
What she said.

For crying out loud. What ever happened to listening to adults? We've sort of been there before. Do kids honestly think we're lying when we tell them sex = pregnancy?

I mean, I know it's too late now. But the question still has to be asked. What the fresia are they thinking?
 
Brian said:
What she said.

For crying out loud. What ever happened to listening to adults? We've sort of been there before. Do kids honestly think we're lying when we tell them sex = pregnancy?

I mean, I know it's too late now. But the question still has to be asked. What the fresia are they thinking?
Click to expand...

Holy crap a person with sense. O_O Brian I think I love you.

Vanilla I just love ya more.

No disrespect to misunderstood. Your situation must be tough, but you did make a choice and now this is what you must deal with; these are your consequences. Unless you gave the baby up, you have a much bigger responsibility now: your baby. Don't worry about your ex; the only thing he's good for now is child support to help you take care of the baby. If someone treats you like that, you don't need that person in your life.

I know it'll be tough, but you're gonna have to learn to stand on your own a bit more, relying on your family rather than him. Like Brian said, he's just a child, and a cowardly one at that. You have your son to focus on now, so let all other worries go. Let his mommy take care of him if he's gonna act like a baby, while you take care of his.

I really hope the depression starts to lighten up and you feel better.

Also, if he gets to be abusive to you or the baby, do NOT hesitate to call the police on him; immediately.
 
Kick him in the balls, and THEN call the cops. He's had enough of the baby making for now anyway.
 
Brian said:
Hi,
Your ex boyfriend probably never loved you if he can't accept something that is partially his fault and now his responsibility. He was foolish to not use protection and even more foolish to attempt to hit you in the stomach. He is a child. A scared, wimpy, little child, who doesn't know what it is to be a man and probably never will. A man accepts his mistakes and responsibilities and tries to make the best of them. A child tries to run away.

And, well, so are you. You guys really should have used protection if you were going to fool around, but there's not much that can be done about that anymore.

Do you still have the kid, or is it up for adoption? If the child isn't up for adoption, you have a huge responsibility right now that goes far beyond yourself. To hell with the guy. To run him over with a bus would be doing him and the world a favor. One less crying little worthless honeysuckle would be pleasant for a change.
Click to expand...

Thank you for replying to my thread. I feel very stupid at the moment. What the hell did I do? This is so wrong :( Well, what happened earlier is, I tried to contact him and he said straight to my face that he doesn't want to see me again. I need to be strong. The baby is not up for adoption. The baby is with the parents of my ex-boyfriend. I am very depressed. I am not able to have the kid because I still need to recover from my operation. I should have listened to my parents at the first place. When I am nearly giving up (thinking about suicide and stuff), I think about my little sister and my parents. They love me so much and they would surely be in pain when I'll do that kind of thing.

Holy crap a person with sense. O_O Brian I think I love you.

Vanilla I just love ya more.

No disrespect to misunderstood. Your situation must be tough, but you did make a choice and now this is what you must deal with; these are your consequences. Unless you gave the baby up, you have a much bigger responsibility now: your baby. Don't worry about your ex; the only thing he's good for now is child support to help you take care of the baby. If someone treats you like that, you don't need that person in your life.

I know it'll be tough, but you're gonna have to learn to stand on your own a bit more, relying on your family rather than him. Like Brian said, he's just a child, and a cowardly one at that. You have your son to focus on now, so let all other worries go. Let his mommy take care of him if he's gonna act like a baby, while you take care of his.

I really hope the depression starts to lighten up and you feel better.

Also, if he gets to be abusive to you or the baby, do NOT hesitate to call the police on him; immediately.
Click to expand...

You guys make me cry. Thank you very much for the help. My depression sure lightened up. Even though I don't have so many friends to give me advices, I think I would stick up with your words for me guys :)

VanillaCreme said:
Kick him in the balls, and THEN call the cops. He's had enough of the baby making for now anyway.
Click to expand...

Hahaha! That made me laugh Vanilla. Gosh. I really appreciate you guys for replying on my thread. Thanks for the help! Thanks a ton! The depression stuff is starting to lessen :) And I am very happy about it.
 
Hi it's good that you're feeling better now, you'll thank your lucky stars in years to come that your boyfriend doesn't want to see you anymore. Good riddance I say, he's only good for child support and that's it.

Ask your doctor if there are any support groups for young mothers, you never know you could make new friends and it might help you with your depression being around other females the same age as you.
 
Yes Samba has the right idea. Drain his pockets for all it's worth. And that's it. You don't need anything from him. And don't ever make him believe that you do need him. It's not even just you he's walking out on, it's his child too. And that's a piece of honeysuckle if I ever heard. It's way too common in society that fathers walk out. Don't think you're the only one either. Many of females have been in this situation before you, and there will be more after you. A support group sounds like a nice idea too.
 
well, here's what i think...

let's forget for a moment who's fault was what. We all know about thoughtless teens and stuff but that's besides the point now.

You're upset cos your bf doesnt want you anymore.
I wonder, did you guys talked about the baby issue when you found out about your pregnancy? Did you discuss the best possibility? And i mean - real, calm talking.
Because you said he didn't want to have a child. He didn't want it right away.. And for some reason you ignored his wants (that might be selfish but also understandable). I don't know what your motives for having baby were... did you expect a house, baby and a dog, him marrying you? He made clear he didnt want the baby. And you forced him to have one. I guess you must have your own reasons but he obviously doesnt share those with you. He probably felt like he had no say in this thing.
I think that the fact, that he doesnt want you anymore is the least he could do.

I'm sorry, i'm not being that sympathetic to you. It's nothing personal, i'm just a big abortion fan. I know couple of girls that went through that. And i don't understand why not, what is so fun about having a baby that you're not even ready to take care of. Not to mention screwing up your own future.
I know that probably sounds selfish. But i'm kinda selfish person. I really don't feel like playing the virgin Mary or a martyr.

Regardless, your ex is an idiot for punching you and i don't know what other stupid things he did to you. But not wanting the baby or you it's not that hard to relate to, i'm sorry.
 
misunderstood said:
I want to die but I'm scared. I love my mom, my dad, my little sister. But I am being shattered. Shattered to death. I am on my way to giving up but I am looking for hope. I don't have many friends. My family would just laugh at me. That's why I'm sticking to life forums. I pray every night, hoping that this situation would end soon. It's very hard to love someone without receiving any feelings from the person. I wish I'm dead. So that I would no longer feel this. Please help me. :(

-misunderstood
Click to expand...

First, the most important thing I can tell you is that any man/boy who is going to punch you in the stomach in an attempt to force a miscarriage will not think twice before punching you in the head for "back-talking" or some other perceived sign of disrespect.

You do not need to be with a low-life piece of honeysuckle like that.

Second, I know that you said that your family would just laugh at you. Were your parents supportive of you throughout the pregnancy? Don't count them out now. I know how hard it must be to go to them and tell them everything, but give them a try. If you really don't feel as though you can talk to them, please find another adult to turn to: a guidance counselor, a pastor/priest, someone.

You're 14, with a honeysuckle-head babydaddy, plus the normal issues of being 14, and you just had a baby. You need to worry seriously about post-partum depression. I suffered it, and it's devastating. Seeing a doctor might be a good idea. Doctors or other adults might know of support groups for teen moms.

I think I read that the baby is now with your ex-bf's parents. Do you have plans to be in your baby's life? If so, then you have a whole lot more to live for. I know that it is a huge responsibility, but it's where you are now.


You're only a few years older than my oldest daughter, and it hurts me to think that someday she or her peers could be going through honeysuckle like this. I can tell you as a mom, that if she were ever in dire straights as you seem to be now, there is no way I would treat her worries lightly, and I would do whatever I could to help her.
 
Misunderstood, you need to get away from this guy forever. I know from firsthand experience that these types of people will only get worse. Please let my experiences show you. When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad also punched her in the stomach. Thankfully, obviously, I was born; brain damage? Hah...you know what probably.

After I was born my dad wasn't any better of a person. He didn't work, all he could do was drugs and cheat on my mom. My mom worked to take care of all of us. While my mom was at work one day my dad was passed out on the couch- I was old enough to walk, old enough to walk outside of the apartment into the city. I don't want to think about what could have happened to me then, but my mom saw me walking on her way home from work and took me home.

I don't remember how old I was, but my parents divorced when I was 4, so this had to be before that, but the only memory I have of my parents together was when my dad once tied my mom up and beat her in front of me. Why did he do this? Because she came home and found his girlfriend hidden in the closet and when she confronted him about it that's what he did. Now this isn't about me, it's an example for you of what these people turn into, it just so happens it's an example from my life. If you don't stay away from him now, your life will be a struggle for all of your days.
 
Get Down! said:
well, here's what i think...

let's forget for a moment who's fault was what. We all know about thoughtless teens and stuff but that's besides the point now.

You're upset cos your bf doesnt want you anymore.
I wonder, did you guys talked about the baby issue when you found out about your pregnancy? Did you discuss the best possibility? And i mean - real, calm talking.
Because you said he didn't want to have a child. He didn't want it right away.. And for some reason you ignored his wants (that might be selfish but also understandable). I don't know what your motives for having baby were... did you expect a house, baby and a dog, him marrying you? He made clear he didnt want the baby. And you forced him to have one. I guess you must have your own reasons but he obviously doesnt share those with you. He probably felt like he had no say in this thing.
I think that the fact, that he doesnt want you anymore is the least he could do.

I'm sorry, i'm not being that sympathetic to you. It's nothing personal, i'm just a big abortion fan. I know couple of girls that went through that. And i don't understand why not, what is so fun about having a baby that you're not even ready to take care of. Not to mention screwing up your own future.
I know that probably sounds selfish. But i'm kinda selfish person. I really don't feel like playing the virgin Mary or a martyr.

Regardless, your ex is an idiot for punching you and i don't know what other stupid things he did to you. But not wanting the baby or you it's not that hard to relate to, i'm sorry.
Click to expand...

...

So... Because HE wanted her to have an abortion, she should've had the abortion. M'kay...

I'm not one to lose my cool or be irrational, so that's as much of a response as I'm going to give to that post. No offense meant, Get Down! You are perfectly entitled to your opinion.

That being said, misunderstood, when people say things like that, do NOT let it affect you. Don't feel that you have done anything wrong in not aborting your child. Motherhood is the most important aspect of your life now. Don't dwell on the past; leave it behind you. Start over. Chapter one. Love your child, care for your child, and harbor no regrets, because regret is counterproductive. You have the most important responsibility in the world now; do your best to live up to it.

Good luck!
 
nope, you misunderstood.

i said that i only understand why he doesnt want her anymore. i also believe that she has good reasons for keeping the baby. I dont judge her in any way and i'm not implying that he's the one who is right. Maybe if he had successfully persuaded her into aborting the child, he would have posted on forum, crying about how his ex stoped loving him for that.

i only pointed out that this conflict was too big to lead to a happy solution.


**
and im editing this.
misunderstood,i don't want to sound cruel, i'm sorry. i realise how hard it must be for you. Good luck.
 
Get Down! said:
Because you said he didn't want to have a child. He didn't want it right away.. And for some reason you ignored his wants (that might be selfish but also understandable). I don't know what your motives for having baby were... did you expect a house, baby and a dog, him marrying you? He made clear he didnt want the baby. And you forced him to have one. I guess you must have your own reasons but he obviously doesnt share those with you. He probably felt like he had no say in this thing.
I think that the fact, that he doesnt want you anymore is the least he could do.
Click to expand...

To be honest, I read this the same way as Spare did, as berating her for not having an abortion because the guy involved didn't want to have kids.

To be frank, if the guy was really so adamant about not having kids, there's an easy solution: wear a condom. I'm sick of listening to men ***** about unwanted pregnancies when the solutions are free (don't have sex) or cheap (wear a condom). You can't relay on the rhythm method of birth control, and chances are good that a 14 year-old girl will not be on the birth control pill.

Abortions should not be treated cavalierly as just another form of birth control. It is an emergency contraceptive. There are long-term physical effects on a woman's body from repeated D&Cs. So men, take the initiative in practicing birth control and safe sex.

Honestly, this trend of kids and adults now not using condoms at all scares me. HIV/AIDS is still a killer; Herpes is still merely treatable, not curable (and current stats indicate that 25% of the adult population are positive for it), gonorrhea & chlamydia still common.

You can avoid them all with abstinence or a condom.
 
cheaptrickfan said:
Abortions should not be treated cavalierly as just another form of birth control. It is an emergency contraceptive. There are long-term physical effects on a woman's body from repeated D&Cs. So mean, take the initiative in practicing birth control and safe sex.
Click to expand...

This.

An abortion is a serious matter regardless of your stance on it...it is an emergency procedure, not contraception. Things like this cannot become a replacement for COMMON SENSE and RESPONSIBILITY.

Personally I am 100% AGAINST teenagers having abortions, because it's just one more thing that's going to absolve them of ever having to make a responsible, thought out decision. ******* kids don't have to think anymore, or worry about anything besides piddly little bullshit they think is important. They need to wake up and smell the ashes.

So I say, make them keep the child, and see what they've done not only to their own futures, but the future of their child. Make them raise that kid for a few years at least. Maybe then we'd see less bullshit like what we have here.

The fact that children under 18 (under SIXTEEN, no less!) are even having the issue of becoming pregnant is just mind bogglingly retarded. How ******* stupid are kids? I hate to sound like an insensitive ass, but I seriously want an answer from someone who has been through this, maybe even 'misunderstood' here: What the fresia? What went through your minds that lead to this even happening? Because being a rational individual who thinks before I do things, I cannot puzzle it out for myself. How did neither of you know this would happen? Even through hearsay, waaaay before sex education, I knew what unprotected sex lead to when I was 14.

ARadglhsahgsadhgsagh2q9621. *Pounds keyboard in rage*
 
Brian said:
cheaptrickfan said:
Abortions should not be treated cavalierly as just another form of birth control. It is an emergency contraceptive. There are long-term physical effects on a woman's body from repeated D&Cs. So mean, take the initiative in practicing birth control and safe sex.
Click to expand...

This.

An abortion is a serious matter regardless of your stance on it...it is an emergency procedure, not contraception. Things like this cannot become a replacement for COMMON SENSE and RESPONSIBILITY.
Click to expand...

Well, that's arguing semantics now, because technically, it does fall under the umbrella term of contraception/birth control, but I'm in 100% agreement. The morning after pill is also an emergency measure that should not be treated so flippantly. The only thing that having these "quick and easy" measures in place does is make the issue of an unwanted pregnancy less of a serious threat. If someone thinks, "Oops, she's/I'm pregnant... Oh well, *shrug* off to Planned Parenthood or the Pharmacist," then they're not as likely to take the matter as seriously the next time it happens, and there will most likely be a next time.


Brian said:
The fact that children under 18 (under SIXTEEN, no less!) are even having the issue of becoming pregnant is just mind bogglingly retarded. How ******* stupid are kids?
Click to expand...

No argument from me here.
 
Hi...
How are you feeling?...if you are for a chat without feeling exposed...just send me a private message...I can listen and be there a bit when you feel confused or feeling down. Hug for you. You are so young ...and sweet . ...and strong...and you didn't hesitate on asking for help and advice. Well done !! ;)
 
Brian said:
Personally I am 100% AGAINST teenagers having abortions, because it's just one more thing that's going to absolve them of ever having to make a responsible, thought out decision. ******* kids don't have to think anymore, or worry about anything besides piddly little bullshit they think is important. They need to wake up and smell the ashes.

So I say, make them keep the child, and see what they've done not only to their own futures, but the future of their child. Make them raise that kid for a few years at least. Maybe then we'd see less bullshit like what we have here.
Click to expand...

well i have to say i disagree here.
I think you made it sound like having a child instead of abortion should be the punishment for being thoughtless.
I'm sorry, it's just child should NEVER be used as a punishment or for lecture purposes.
Don't you think that a smart teen would be well aware of it's consequences and would try to avoid situations like those from then on? And even if that certain teen doesnt come to his senses, wouldnt the child be better of without a parent like that?

I think that if a teen feels responsible and wants to keep the child, that's his own decision, but it is also important to know there is a way out if the teen doesn't feel like it. Just keep in mind that people are different and that a child-to-be should not deserve to live in another screwed up family.


aww yes, the abortion issue. Very unpleasant one for a debate.
 

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