Alone again.

[Carcass Raid]

Wow so I'm going through all sorts of break ups. First my wife and now my girlfriend. I'm completely alone right now and I really wish I could die

My friends do nothing for me. They have their own lives. I don't really care about friends now anyway. I just want a lover...

 

[Danielle]

i'm sorry for what you are going through. I know this is a very tough time for you and i know how much it hurts.

IMO, i think you moved too fast in finding a Girlfriend, while you are going through a divorce. It may be the reason it didn't work out with her. I know you feel like you "just want a lover", but I think you need to take sometime to deal with what is happening with your marriage. You should take a break from the dating scene and let yourself heal, before rushing into any sort of relationship. Allow yourself time to grieve and give yourself a chance to love yourself. Take this time to find yourself again, remember the things you used to enjoy, and make room for that in your life again.

I wish you all the best... keep posting and reaching out.

 

[mintymint]

Yeah, I agree with Daniella. Any romantic relationship you enter into right now is almost guaranteed to end up messy, or just fail. Rebounds are like that. You need time to breath instead of hopping from one girl to the next non-stop. I'm not saying don't find a rebound girl. I'm just saying stop for a moment, breath, deal with the pain, and remember that you can stay alive for extended periods of time without a girlfriend.

 

[Minus]

I am sorry Carcass, rough stuff to go though. I do feel that Danielle makes a good point about giving yourself time, even though that isn't what you want to hear.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You mean you need loverS.
It's all part of the process. There's no right way or wrong way to go about it.
date now or date later...eventaully you'll starting dating again or get there.
It's better than sitting home alone and thinking about hanging yourself.

Go out and date more women. Date grips of them..it was one of most healty thing I did in my life. 45 days tops...after the break up.
I was clean and sober through it all. I felt everything and then some. I cried my heart out for weeks. I wrote about it, I prayed about.
I talked to people about it. I did all those things. I even had someone encourage me to date and helped me through that process.

The women i was dating knew I was dating...they were dating too. They weren't looking for a commitment, either.
We all needed a break from that. Nothing wrong with it. We're mature adults.

And when I did decide to get into a committment. I belive I made a very good chioce.
She was very loving, kind and well balance. She was beautiful. She had her own carreer. She was actaully a social work. She was also clean and sober.
For 7 years we were like the couple that people talk about...they wanted what we had. It was peaceful, no dramma, truamma. It was balanced.
But there's no garantees in life...She relapsed into her addiction after her father and our children died. I bascailly lost her too that sameday our children died.
That was the turning piont. She was never the same after that. Life was never the same. The wind of change came into our lives. The last 5 years of that
relationship was a living hell. I spent 5 years trying to save her life and lost myself. Ultimately i had to accept and let go. Get well and move forward.

I'm doing it different this time at a slower pace...but ya know, it's relatively all the same to me...buttom line, I get to that piont of wanting and willing
to love again. LET GO or get over whatever the fresia hang ups I have.

Love myself first and foremost...I heard those words from the moment I was borned.

It's okay to want and do what you do, now. When you get done with this stage.
Perhasp you will reconsider getting into another long term relationship with more committments.
Perhasp you might even consider putting relationships on the back burner for a while to persue your carreer or travel.
There's so many options.

yeah..after a break up...somewhere during the roller coaster, I'll also have a light bulb moment..
Errrr...I AM FREE!! FREEDOM BABY!!!!...but what the fresia am I going to do now?lmao
...so I'll go back to whats familar to me...get involve again.

It's nice to fall in love again and again and agian.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You want a lover, but don't want to love yourself.... How do you expect people to even care if you don't?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You want a lover, but don't want to love yourself.... How do you expect people to even care if you don't?

He didn't say he wanted a relationship...
He said he wanted a lover.

Sometimes a man whats a lover or lovers not a mother or a wife.
I already have a mother...thank you very much.

We're simple creatures. We don't think like women.

We love ourselves plenty.That's not the piont.
Nothing wrong with wanting iceing on my cake every tuseday or everyday.

There's plenty of single women that don't want a daddy, a husband, a boy, a baby or a relationship..Not even friendships with booty calls...
All she wants is a lover...with no strings, no committments, no dramma,
no lawyers, no divorce courts, no therapy.
These women love themselve plenty. They just chose to live a different
lift style. It's not better or worst. Good or bad..it's just different.

They're out and about living thier lives...they're not going to come knocking on anyone's door or try to save the world or anyone.
To meet these women...all you gatta do is get up off of your ass and go out and about.

 

[AndrewM]

I agree with VanillaCreme. I don't want to sound too negative, Carcass Raid, but you have to be willing to share your life to be in a fulfilling relationship (if you're just interested in sex, that's something else). If you're so miserable you can't be bothered to share with your friends, what makes you think you're ready to give another relationship a go? I can say all this because I'm going through what you're going through - it's just that it's been over a year now for me now. I know that until I can go out and make friends again, or even get in touch with my old friends, there's no point even thinking about getting romantically involved in someone. That's my thinking anyway.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Where did I say relationship in that, Rocket? Pay attention. That wasn't my point anyway. I wouldn't exactly categorize wanting to die as loving yourself.

 

[Badjedidude]

To the OP:

I'd suggest remaining single for a while. Long enough to let things regain some semblance of stability and equilibrium. The biggest mistake I see people make is that they always assume that they HAVE to be in a relationship at all times or they're unhappy. It's simply not true.

*shrug* So maybe give that a try.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I agree Jedi. Too many people put self-worth and self-value on having a relationship. And they think that if they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they aren't worth anything. Problems arise from that type of attitude, because it's a deeper issue than just having someone. If you don't care about yourself and love yourself enough, then having a partner won't fix that. Having someone might help you with it, but it doesn't solve the problem.

 

[Carcass Raid]

She took me back. I stupidly returned. Apparently she had made a big mistake :/ I believe it because I'll believe anything she says.

The stuf you guys are saying...isn't what I'm feeling though D: Look, I hate myself. I've come to terms with that. I'm a terrible person in general but I have a lot of love to give. It's a weird contradiction but I think everyone is different anyway.

And...really I am only happy when I'm with someone special ._. I think it's because I get something out of making THEM happy. So naturally I feel out of it when I'm alone. I hate being alone...

IDK. I don't want to be rude and dismiss what you guys are saying...but I can never love myself. And I'll always feel empty being alone for no matter how long.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Then you can't allow someone else to love you. But, it's your life, do as you wish. Just remember, if she does it to you once, she'll do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I hope it works out for you though. How do I put this without being so rude... If you're dumb enough to put up with it and then take her back, then you deserve her, and she's got you reeled in. So enjoy it as long as she wants it to last.

 

[Badjedidude]

IDK. I don't want to be rude and dismiss what you guys are saying...but I can never love myself. And I'll always feel empty being alone for no matter how long.

If you can't love yourself then you've never really tried. It takes a long time and it's hard, but you CAN reach that place where you're content with yourself and happy with who you are. I guarantee it.

Also, basing a relationship in NEED is never a good thing. If you NEED a girl to make yourself feel useful or happy, then the relationship is bound to fail because it's not based on strength; it's based on weakness. And the first time that the girl you're with makes a "mistake" or runs off...then your entire world and life-view will be shaken.

If you build yourself up first, focus on your own life, and THEN add a woman becuase you enjoy her attributes and company (rather than needing her), then you're a lot better off.

But everyone has a different lifepath...I'm not gonna slam you for taking your own road, so good luck with things. I hope everything works out for you.