Been here before, but giving it another chance

[LostInLimbo]

So yeah I've had an account on here in the past, though I thought I would start over and try one more time. I've dealt with depression most of my life, and I firmly believe it's the results of loneliness. Whenever I make friends I always lose them for one reason or another, and I basically spend all day every day sitting alone in my room. In the past it was always because of moving so often, and now it's because I let my depression and anxiety get in the way and either push people away or they simply give up on me. I've spent the last 2 or 3 years trying to meet people online, though no matter how many people I seem to meet it just isn't the same as having someone around in person. My anxiety also continues to get worse, which is just making everything else worse. Up until a few days ago I hadn't even been outside since around October of last year, and other than simply going for a drive I can't seem to push myself to do much else. The only way I can talk to someone anymore (whether face to face or some sort of voice or video chat) is if I feel comfortable with them, which means I just don't talk to anyone.

I guess I just want to try and meet someone that might actually live around the same area as me, I won't be specific here but I will say that I live in New York. I don't expect it to happen to be honest, as no matter how many different forums I've tried I have not met anyone that's really close to where I live. So I guess it would be nice to at least make a good friend on here, if that can even happen. I'm not really into much anymore other than music and gaming, so I guess anyone I meet would really need to be into games since I usually don't have much else to talk about. I also write poems from time to time, though they're always about how I'm feeling so they're all depressing. I doubt I will be too active here, so if anyone is interested in chatting please message me. I added some things to my profile just in case anyone wants to look, it's not much but I at least wanted to put a few things I actually still enjoy.

 

[constant stranger]

Somebody new been here all day again, and no one says Hi........
Where are our manners?
Hi there LostInLimbo, good to have you on board!

 

[LostInLimbo]

I rarely ever seem to get replies anyway, so I'm used to it. I'm just not interesting enough I'm sure.
Thank you for the welcome, I appreciate it.

 

[wolvesjr]

Welcome back! I know I was gone fir a while as well but its good to be back. Hopefully that will be the same with you

 

[Tranquil]

Welcome LostInLimbo, may you find the courage to take a daily risk in your life. It will surely break the mold you have created for yourself.
Take a risk and go for a walk outside, especially in the rain without a raincoat or umbrella.
Take a risk to say hello to someone you meet, even if it's the cashier at the shop.
Take a risk to call a person by their name tag, even if you pronounce it wrong.
Take a risk . . .

It takes a while, sometimes a long while, to feel okay about taking risks, even small ones.

Taking a risk is facing your fears, which you will find are mostly unfounded. Facing fears is the ONLY way to overcome fears. I hope you will start today to take a risk. I know you can do it, because you took a risk to come back here, and prepared yourself to read posts, including this one _ good on you.

Those that shy away from taking risks, end up finding no place safe from fears. One can start fearing fear, and in severe cases become too afraid to move forward.

Take a risk and go against the grain.

Start a log/journal here, and share how you have taken a risk today, regardless how minor it may seem. If you had to face a fear it is a risk worth mentioning. It does not matter if others do not respond to your posts. Perhaps they too need to take a risk to respond.

Learn to pat yourself on the back. Here is a powerful tip. When you have taken a risk and came through it unscathed, actually physically pat yourself on the back. It works wonders.

 

[LostInLimbo]

@wolvesjr Thank you. I went with a different user name this time around with the hopes of completely starting over, though to be honest I feel too afraid to really post much or try talking to anyone so things are no different than before. Welcome back to you as well, I hope things continue to go well for you here.

@Tranquil Thank you as well. You've been someone that has replied to a couple of things I've posted, and with some nice advice as well. I just wish it was easier for me to do some of the things you've said, and be able to finally get myself out of this hole.

 

[Tranquil]

...
@Tranquil Thank you as well. You've been someone that has replied to a couple of things I've posted, and with some nice advice as well. I just wish it was easier for me to do some of the things you've said, and be able to finally get myself out of this hole.

Small steps, one at a time. Make a short doable list. Easiest firts. Tick them off as you go along.
First on the list is to write a short list.

Keep chipping away at it, like a sculpture. Remember you are in a rut. It takes great effort to get out of it the first time (first day). Every morning you have to decide to get out of this rut.

You have been in this rut for a long time. It's going to take at least three months of daily effort before it becomes a new habit.
You have a greater list of failure than success. Start writing down you successes. I mean this, it is important to be aware of your achievements, otherwise you will always refer to your failures and give up.

If you changed over night, which I am sure you and others would wish for, then don't. Believe me, an overnight change may send you loony. It would be like having a brain transplant and won't know yourself. So be grateful that its takes time to become the person you always wanted to be. And along each step, pat your self on the back.

Take a risk.​

Small doable steps at a time.​

Keep it simple. ​

It works if you work it.​

 

[Tranquil]

... I just wish it was easier for me to do some of the things you've said...

If it was easy nobody would be feeling like you do. If you have been stuck for over three months, it's naturally going to be difficult to get unstuck. But guess what, if you don't get unstuck you will be stuck for the rest of your life. Yep, that long.

Only you can create a change of attitude. That is all it takes to get the ball rolling, but it takes effort to keep it rolling. You have to front up against all your own self-sabotaging self-talk and behaviours.

I remember in the first month of recovery I could not think ONE good positive thought. I go so angry with being stuck that I did not move until I started thinking positively in one way or another. No matter how hard I tried to use my thinking, all I could think was negative. So, what happened? NOTHING! When you are stuck you are stuck. But I did not want to be stuck! So out of sheer frustration I started smacking myself across my face in the hope of snapping out of it. Still nothing! So I continued until something shifted. I ended up with a hot swollen right cheek before I started laughing at my insanity. That laughter snapped me out of it. Instead of being seriously helpless, I became deliriously hopeful.

I am not recommending that you slap yourself into changing an attitude. But the point is...and here is the crux of the matter...I was willing to go to any length to change. Often one does not actually have to go to any lengths, but must be willing to go tpo any lengths. Once the mind knows that you are actually prepared to go to any lengths, it will surrender its compromising thoughts as a waste of time. Suddenly your resistance vanishes. But of course, your mind needs examples of such determined willingness.

Without that sort of willingness, I would always compromise. Every compromise will undo any change and keep you stuck.
They say, compromise is the thin edge of the wedge. As soon as you start with a "but" or an "if" the wedge has been put in place.

This reminds me of my early times of regularly giving myself a 'no' shake of the head whenever I caught myself out using a 'but' or an 'if', in my thoughts. 
Sometimes you have to risk being seen as a kook to not become a kook.

If you're not willing to go to any length to change, you will compromise and fail to change.​

 

[LostInLimbo]

... I just wish it was easier for me to do some of the things you've said...

If you have been stuck for over three months, it's naturally going to be difficult to get unstuck.

Well it's been around 15 years, and right now I feel like I'm simply stuck for life.

 

[Tranquil]

... I just wish it was easier for me to do some of the things you've said...

If you have been stuck for over three months, it's naturally going to be difficult to get unstuck.

Well it's been around 15 years, and right now I feel like I'm simply stuck for life.

I've been stuck in alcoholism for about the same length of time. I was told that if I worked at changing my whole life around, it ought to take about one month for every year of being stuck. So I worked really hard, and felt so much better after a three months. Could not believe it could get better, but it got better and better. Sure I had some hard times, but overall it just got better. And still getting better after 30 years.

Are you willing to work at it for 15 months to become a completely different person.

Just be willing, and you're on the way.

Better to be willing for 15 months, and change, than to be stuck for years and years and years.

 

[Goldenstar]

Hello LostinLimbo,
It's hard to change  but there is always hope, no matter how long you have felt like this. I agree with Tranquil. You must try small things to help, even if it's going for a coffee by yourself. Having people in your life will not happen suddenly, but it can happen if you start to make changes. I used to spend weekends alone in my flat without seeing anyone and the negative thinking became worse...it reinforced the idea that 'im always going to be alone.' It's hard to see the light. Nobody will come to your door or be able to see the pain you are going through. You must be brave and take some action. We often spend far more time thinking and less time doing. 
Is there any voluntary work you could enquire about? A community centre or try Meet up website. You can find different activities on there that you can attend..even if you don't make a friend initially, you will be doing something interesting. Also, the more you go out,the more things you will have to talk about.