J
jjam
Guest
I had a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner last night, and now I am going to share it with someone I'm hoping I can call a friend. She has asked for a plate, and I have promised to give her one. When I am better at being a friend, she will not have to ask. I will simply offer, or, even better, invite her to my place for dinner... much better than merely leftovers, not that leftovers suck or anything. 
Whenever I think about all of my dismissals of opportunities to be a good friend to people I've encountered in my lifetime, I always find "no wonder" points that explain why I lack real friendships. No wonder I don't have many friends, no wonder _____ and I are no longer friends, and so on. I don't beat myself up too badly about it. It's not so much that I need to assess where I've been going wrong. I know that much. It's just that I've either lacked courage or have had some weird psychological barriers that led me to do the kind of things that can end a friendship. I know many of you know of this example - very few phone calls eventually become zero phone calls. Why haven't I called my old pal? We were always on great terms. No fallouts. I simply... fell out of touch! Why don't I call the ones I became good friends with back when college was in for me? What, because we no longer live in the same state means it's over? Who but me said so?
Just tonight, I've been going over potential excuses to toss my new friend's way. "Oh, I'd hate to give you days-later leftovers, so how about I just give you a plate when New Year's dinner happens?" Or something like that. I could even develop some worry that she will not like the food, and just completely make up some BS story as to why I can't get her a plate. Anything to get her to accept me not bringing her a plate. It kind of reminds me of a time when I cancelled an opportunity to go to a Christmas ball with an old schoolmate because I didn't have a car.
Not acceptable this time! She is an opportunity at a friendship I'd love to have, and I want to do everything I can to make sure that it grows and lasts. I have no friends for life, but I can change that starting with at least a few people I know.
Whenever I think about all of my dismissals of opportunities to be a good friend to people I've encountered in my lifetime, I always find "no wonder" points that explain why I lack real friendships. No wonder I don't have many friends, no wonder _____ and I are no longer friends, and so on. I don't beat myself up too badly about it. It's not so much that I need to assess where I've been going wrong. I know that much. It's just that I've either lacked courage or have had some weird psychological barriers that led me to do the kind of things that can end a friendship. I know many of you know of this example - very few phone calls eventually become zero phone calls. Why haven't I called my old pal? We were always on great terms. No fallouts. I simply... fell out of touch! Why don't I call the ones I became good friends with back when college was in for me? What, because we no longer live in the same state means it's over? Who but me said so?
Just tonight, I've been going over potential excuses to toss my new friend's way. "Oh, I'd hate to give you days-later leftovers, so how about I just give you a plate when New Year's dinner happens?" Or something like that. I could even develop some worry that she will not like the food, and just completely make up some BS story as to why I can't get her a plate. Anything to get her to accept me not bringing her a plate. It kind of reminds me of a time when I cancelled an opportunity to go to a Christmas ball with an old schoolmate because I didn't have a car.
Not acceptable this time! She is an opportunity at a friendship I'd love to have, and I want to do everything I can to make sure that it grows and lasts. I have no friends for life, but I can change that starting with at least a few people I know.
