Boring and Uninteresting and I want to change that

[rocky243]

I feel like i'm stuck in a cycle and I don't want to change myself because i'm stubborn or because of this self image I have. I have usually been the old one out or the one nobody would want to talk to because I give this negative aura where people generally would want to avoid me. I think it has to do with the fact that I don't know how to talk back to them or "Socialize". When I converse with people I usually would talk about them or their life in general but nothing else. I don't have much interests I would share with other people. I'm clueless about movies, memes, gaming, books, celebrities, music etc... I have tried but when people talk about those things I get lost in their conversation and I don't know what to say. Especially, when people make jokes so easily and people make laughs out of them. I can laugh along with them but I can never make other people laugh, I would say it's one of the hardest things I want to achieve.

I understand everyone has their own uniqueness and that's what makes them special. I look at my sister friends and their all different from each other but what makes them get along is that fact that their all fun to hang out with. If I was there I would probably only say one thing through out the entire night and stand in the corner hoping someone would notice me. I know waiting wouldn't get myself attention. I fear what their reactions would be. I have experienced people giving me weird looks when I say something "funny" or just make a comment. It's either that or I say something and people ignore me like I'm not there when I know they heard me.

I think it's because with the groups of people I have been, none of them have been very accepting when I try to have a conversation with them. Or they don't find me interesting or the right person they would want to be with. I know someone that has been through this and he has talked with me about it, but I feel since he changed and made loads of friends he's not very interested in being my friend even though he had cared about what I been through. This year he graduated and lately we have been talking less. He had told me in the past that I'm actually boring and I should change that. He even encouraged me to listen to music or get me into gaming. I want to but then I was stubborn and I keep making excuses like i'll do it tomorrow or I look for other things to pass time instead of looking into interest so I can find hobbies and maybe have something to talk about with other people. It was very mean of him to say something like that but it's an eye opener. I know there are people that would want to get to know me more or that wants to be my friend my I unintentionally push them away because of who I am. I want to be someone else. I want to be more interesting and maybe make more friends. Even if I'm not funny maybe I can still be unique by finding hobbies and people would want to get to know me more.

I want to start changing by seriously losing weight and looking better, Change my boring jeans and t-shirts warbdrobe into dresses and heels, start reading books, focus in studying in school, start listening to music and something more... etc..... It's a lot but I'll start doing something one by one. I want to be more interesting not the person I am now. The awkward chubby girl with no interest, personality, or anything. I'm 16 and I have 2 more years before I graduate I should do something and change myself because I know when I get out of school things are tough. Friends are important to have with you.

I'm really looking for some advice to change myself. I know some people are naturals and are likable for who they are. Does anyone know what they would do to make more friends. I know I shouldn't be someone fake but that doesn't mean I should change the lifestyle I'm in now.

 

[Zett]

Hey, I think your attitude is pretty good despite what you've been told and what you may think about yourself. When people don't want to talk to you because they consider you 'boring' or 'uninteresting' it's usually either because there's no common ground in interests or because you're really reserved about your opinions (perhaps in fear of offending) and are not being entirely honest. If it's the latter, you just need to get comfortable with yourself to the point where you can express yourself honestly and do your best not to offend (being assertive). Offering counter opinions in the right way can push conversations into really interesting territory provided you aren't offering countering opinions just for the sake of it.

To really flesh out your uniqueness though, you should pursue your hobbies, and really get into the stuff you like. Someone somewhere out there will love the same stuff you do, there's all kinds of diversity in life, it just may not be all there at school at the moment but that shouldn't mean you can't connect with the people around you on a meaningful level. You may just be missing the honesty that's needed to breed the relationship you're looking for. A lot of people bond through discussion of people they know especially in high school. Though this can be a dangerous area of topics if it's heavily doused in gossip behavior especially talk behind other student's backs. To avoid that you could talk about your teachers, in fact one of my friends from High School used to imitate them and create silly intimate stories using the voices he could imitate to create serious laughter.

Hobbies are definitely a good way to connect with people and since you don't seem to be into the stuff that everyone is into it might be a little difficult. That's not to say that you should avoid the mainstream popular stuff but seeking value in the things you don't have an inherent interest in can actually push conversations and connections a long way. Perhaps when someone opens a topic on something you don't know anything about you should be curious and ask them what it is they find so interesting. Observe what people value and perhaps you can find a common platform upon which to base your conversation. Your observations about people might even be a great topic of discussion in itself. Being open to try things that people are interested in though is a great way to connect, being stubborn can be a real killer.

Think about it, if you were really into something and you found it amazing and interesting, wouldn't you want your friends to see that value too? What would you think of someone who always dismisses that opinion? Personally with my friends, whenever they send me a link or anything I make sure to check it out and see. I value my friends and I value their opinions, if they find something fascinating, I want to know what it is too and it's this connection that keeps our friendship strong.

I think the best thing you can do for self improvement however is to model the type of person you want to be. Define the characteristics you like and think about adopting those characteristics for yourself. Basically create a future version of yourself that you can consider your role model. Humble? Respectful? Curiously intelligent? You can be whatever you want to be really. If you think losing weight will make you happy do it for sure. You might want to look at aspirations elsewhere for the style you want to adopt and create a hybrid of favorites to put together to express you. I think getting a great body plus having the clothing that accentuates it is a fantastic way to represent yourself.

I'm also doing the same, I want to achieve a slim body type like a gymnast but not too bulky like a bodybuilder nor that body fat%. 12-15% body fat is what I want to achieve just so I have a flat stomach. I want to wear form fitting clothing but not too tight, just enough to show the shape I've acquired. I've done my research and have a decent idea of the path I have to take to get there, and it's kind of nice working towards that goal and waking up every day thinking about becoming that future version of myself.