confused

[NY8752]

So lately i've been battling with the fear of pushing people away. I'm so afraid of saying something or doing something that will drive a person who i'm getting to know in the other direction. Part of me thinks I have commitment issues because of my past experiences with others and due to the family environment I have been in. I was amidst friends a few days ago and I felt really detached-as in not really involved or heard or if heard then just ignored. I just felt really lonely even amongst friends. Has anyone ever felt this way before?

I started seriously thinking about this and how it might relate to this particular person who I am trying to get to know. I feel like I have commitment and communication issues and i'm really trying to come to terms with them. I think the problem is that I just don't know where to start. I don't want to get too involved, yet I still want to know him. I'm battling a certain part of me that just really wants to let loosed, to take things how they come/are, but I don't want to fail, get hurt, be rejected, and really in the end I don't want to feel even more lonely than I have. I often wonder if I will ever be happy, or ever be satisfied/fulfilled in terms of a loving relationship. I mean if I was feeling low amidst friends, whats the likelihood I would be happy with a significant other? This scares me. I don't want my insecurities to get in the way and dictate who I am, the problem is how do I come to terms with them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, as far as saying the wrong things to your friends or people... I think that if someone doesn't like what you say, you shouldn't be bothered with them. Someone who goes around making people feel like they should watch what they say needs to stay to themselves. You shouldn't have to watch what you say. If they don't like it, then they can look the other way. There's no need to get all huffy and stuffy over something that's not really important. Same goes with doing something. You're you, and they are them. No one can tell you what you can and can't do. You decide that for yourself.

As far as getting close to someone, take the chance. There can either be two answers... Yes or no. If it's a yes, then good for you. If it's a no, then at least you tried. Wouldn't you rather find out what it was, than to constantly look back with the "What if... ?" and wonder what it could have been?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I feel pretty much the sameway sometimes
I'm not sure about a lot of things in my life anymore.
I try to keep my head up and move forward as best I can.
I work on myself to the best of my abilities...that's all I can do.
I try to love myself no matter what happens. I don't beat up on myself anymore.
I hope to god...I'm healing or getting well. Sometimes i feel like I'm doing better.
On somedays...I just wanna give up and feel i can't do this anymore.
But i tell myself...i can even if I don't feel it.

It's such a mess..and a lot of wreckage that occured. It makes me feel sad if I think
too much about it. It's not as if I've never gone through a break up or had a broken heart before..
For some reason this last relationship took everything out of me. I really, really thought she was
the one and that i would spend the rest of my life together. Some people even tells me that I'm
broken...that I'm one those people that irrepitible damages had occured...Too much abuse and
pain had been inflicted to me. There will always be mental and emotional scars in me.
I refuse to beliving in that...maybe they're right..but i can't accept that.
I refuse to be written off as good as dead. I refuse to belive that I'm incapiable love.
i wasn't the one that went out an cuased all of that insanity and wreackage..so why the fresia I'm
I being made to feel like I'm all messed up and not worth it ?...That honeysuckle is totally fucken backwards.
I'm worth it god **** it...

Having to start my life again from - squard 10. At times I feel beaten and tired of it all.
All i ever wanted was a family of my own, a home to raise my family, a job to support my
family. To live a normal life...Why the fresia is that so god **** much to ask for...I have no fucken clue.

Yes there's a person that came into my life recently...I can fall in love with her easily.
I actaully have a lot in common with her...the things that she told me about herself so far.
But there's that thought running in the back of my mind.
But I'm not going to give up on myself. I'm not going to talk myself out of it.
Other people can cast me away...but I'm not going to abandent myself anymore.
I know there's no garantee in life..I have a 50/50 chance.
It's all been good so far...I'm not thinking my ex anymore.
There's someone else running across my minds these days...i guess that's progress.
There's a vibe or a feeling i get being about this new person...I feel at peace or good about myself.
Verses when being around my ex or having contacts with my ex...I felt bad or sick about myself.
I'm hoping for the best and expecting the best. If it dosn't work out...
I still don't have anything to lose.....except for the heartache I've carrying around for the past year.

 

[Sola]

Hi.
I think at some point in our lives we all feel unsure of success- or afraid we'll totally blow a situation where we really want to succeed.
Unfortunately, there are no guarantees and I know I myself have totally blown my share of situations.

I have noticed though, that relationships can't thrive well unless both people can depend on themselves first for what they need.
It's like the old saying, "To find someone, you have to stop looking."

Now this is just my opinion, but my advice is to work on the parts of yourself you don't like first.
If I am not confident in myself, how can I expect anyone else to have confidence in me? It's not going to happen.
If I don't respect myself and expect it from others, why should they bother to give it?
It's unfair and I think unrealistic to expect a partner to fill those holes for us; but if we have a decent base going in, a partner can definitely help us become stronger.

It's scary business trying to change our behaviors and trying to face our fears, which is why a lot of people don't do it. We know better than anyone else what causes our insecurities- am I a perfectionist?- was I made fun of a lot by others?- whatever the causes might be, to change our behavior means looking at these things and taking chances on behaving in a way we are not comfortable behaving... over and over again until it becomes a new habit. This is how we grow.
It's not easy, but the peace that comes later can be worth it.

Hugs to you.