Curfew

[EveWasFramed]

Thanks Bob. <3

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Nothing good happens after 10pm.

Signed:

The father of a teenage girl.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Nothing good happens after 10pm.

Signed:

The father of a teenage girl.

Yep. Statistics even point out that most young people get into mischief or are hurt after dark.

 

[soresoul]

I never let any of my kids stay out past seven. I don't care how old you are. If your living under my roof your ass better be home by 7.

 

[EveWasFramed]

My husband got upset when speaking about the 18 yo needing to leave by nine to go home during the week. (Because of the 9:00 curfew.)
He said" What if he's in the middle of something?" I said, "Like what?"
He said, "What if he's in the middle of a movie on Netflix?"

Wonder if anyone else would have taken that as badly as I did.

 

[soresoul]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't even give a **** if he was about to reach organism and clock strike 7pm and he's not home. He would be hanging out with bums in the streets that night.

My father taught me bending the rules every now and then would just lead into a chain reaction and it be overly be used. That's why I'm so strict. I came home once at 3am drunk on a school night and I slept outside in the grass til school started that morning with a very bad hangover.

 

[soresoul]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't even give a **** if he was about to reach organism and clock strike 7pm and he's not home. He would be hanging out with bums in the streets that night.

My father taught me bending the rules every now and then would just lead into a chain reaction and it be overly be used. That's why I'm so strict. I came home once at 3am drunk on a school night and I slept outside in the grass til school started that morning with a very bad hangover. The school day was so bad knowing I had to face my dad.

 

[TheRealCallie]

My husband got upset when speaking about the 18 yo needing to leave by nine to go home during the week. (Because of the 9:00 curfew.)
He said" What if he's in the middle of something?" I said, "Like what?"
He said, "What if he's in the middle of a movie on Netflix?"

Wonder if anyone else would have taken that as badly as I did.

Pretty **** sure Netflix tells you how long a movie is, so he would know if he has time to finish it before curfew or not.

Did you get anywhere in the talk? What did the mom say?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sorry, but where's the 15 year old going that he needs a curfew extension? I don't see a mid-teen doing anything that important that he needs to be out later and later. The 18 year old, I don't know, he's grown, technically an adult, but if he still live with y'all then he needs to respect the things that you and their father do. Which includes making sure your household isn't a revolving door to young people who still have 99% of their energy to spend on staying out late. If he wants to live by his own rules, perhaps he should see to being on his own.

But I would enjoying hearing the 15 year old's side as to why he needs a longer time on his curfew.

 

[EveWasFramed]

My husband got upset when speaking about the 18 yo needing to leave by nine to go home during the week. (Because of the 9:00 curfew.)
He said" What if he's in the middle of something?" I said, "Like what?"
He said, "What if he's in the middle of a movie on Netflix?"

Wonder if anyone else would have taken that as badly as I did.

Pretty **** sure Netflix tells you how long a movie is, so he would know if he has time to finish it before curfew or not.

Did you get anywhere in the talk? What did the mom say?

There hasn't been any talk, other than me (as usual) agreeing that the 18 yo gets to leave whenever he likes, no matter what the curfew is. It was either that or continue fighting about it. I just didn't have the energy.
We were supposed to talk to the younger one today about expectations. Of course he'd have to be here for us to do that. He has also given no reason as to WHY he needs a curfew extension. He just doesn't want to be in by nine. Just his whims. He has no reason.
And yes, the 18 yo knows how long a movie would be. The truth, as I see it, is that this is a convenient place for him to crash because his mother is strict on him (he lives with her). She sometimes stays out later on weeknights and locks him out of the house and he can't go back until she comes home.
The fair thing to do would be for my husband to explain to her that he lives with her and she needs to stop locking the bottom lock so he can get in (the top deadbolt had a keypad). But no - not one of them is sticking to the agreement that they all made about being inside by nine so I can lock up before I go to bed.
Doubt the 15 yo will be in before midnight or 1:00 am tonight either. No talking happening today I suppose.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Sorry, but where's the 15 year old going that he needs a curfew extension? I don't see a mid-teen doing anything that important that he needs to be out later and later. The 18 year old, I don't know, he's grown, technically an adult, but if he still live with y'all then he needs to respect the things that you and their father do. Which includes making sure your household isn't a revolving door to young people who still have 99% of their energy to spend on staying out late. If he wants to live by his own rules, perhaps he should see to being on his own.

But I would enjoying hearing the 15 year old's side as to why he needs a longer time on his curfew.

He has no reason. He said even elementary school kids don't have to be inside by nine so he wants his curfew extended.
As far as the 18 yo - that's the point - he doesn't even live here!!! And his father isn't here during the week. He has no reason to be here other than it's a convenience for him. I want to scream.

 

[user 108508]

Evey <3

This is quite the predicament and I sense the growing frustration in each of your replies. It sounds to me like the real issue is getting hubby on the same page, at the very least. United front and all that. He needs to be as firm, if not moreso, on this as you are. Period.

If he won't back you - passionately - neither of the boys have motivation to uphold their end of the bargain. Just my two cents.

Sorry you are struggling, my friend.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Evey <3

This is quite the predicament and I sense the growing frustration in each of your replies. It sounds to me like the real issue is getting hubby on the same page, at the very least. United front and all that. He needs to be as firm, if not moreso, on this as you are. Period.

If he won't back you - passionately - neither of the boys have motivation to uphold their end of the bargain. Just my two cents.

Sorry you are struggling, my friend.

<3 <3 Good to see you again, lovely lady.

As I type this, dear hubby is bickering because he can't reach either kid by cell and he has no idea where they are (and they aren't together). If THAT doesn't make him aware of the lunacy going on here (and it's not) nothing will, I'm afraid.

Thank you, Miss G and everyone else who has taken the time to reply. It's much appreciated. <3

 

[soresoul]

If my 18 year old and the mom try to gang up on me like that over curfew, they be both having their bags pack out of my house. But my lovely lady agrees 100% on the curfew rule and luckily my kids respect our decision.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well, sitting here having the convo. Well, I haven't said anything but it needs to come from his father. After 20 minutes of his dad talking, the kid hasn't said a word or looked his dad in the eye.
He's just staring out into space. Almost like he's detached himself from the talk. Strange.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The husband doesn't seem to want to admit what his kids are actually doing, and that's taking advantage of the things they're allowed. The time, the space... If he keeps allowing them to walk all over him, that's exactly what's going to keep happening. If he doesn't lay down some ground rules for them that can't be budged, no matter how much they pout, they're going to keep wedging and keep wedging. They think they can test and try - because let's face it, most teenagers think they're slick enough to get away with most things - so that's exactly what they're going to do.

I'm sure your husband is a nice guy, but he should really straighten up with them. They're taking advantage of him being too nice and wishy-washy with things.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The husband doesn't seem to want to admit what his kids are actually doing, and that's taking advantage of the things they're allowed. The time, the space... If he keeps allowing them to walk all over him, that's exactly what's going to keep happening. If he doesn't lay down some ground rules for them that can't be budged, no matter how much they pout, they're going to keep wedging and keep wedging. They think they can test and try - because let's face it, most teenagers think they're slick enough to get away with most things - so that's exactly what they're going to do.

I'm sure your husband is a nice guy, but he should really straighten up with them. They're taking advantage of him being too nice and wishy-washy with things.

Well, as for him being nice, 98% of our fights are over the way he deals with (or doesn't deal with) his children. That says a lot.
Just earlier today he had a long talk with him about certain things. One of them was taking off and no one knows where he is and can't reach him on his cell.
He did exactly that this evening and missed dinner. No replies to texts or voicemails.
I doubt there will be any consequences. I'm completely baffled.

 

[Blue Bob]

Do you think your husband needs to provide more parental guidance (and I don’t just mean telling the kid what to do)? He could do more things with him to build a better relationship. He could share some of his life’s lessons, personal thoughts, and feelings. I don’t mean a lecture. I mean through conversation while interacting with the kid. A by-product might be mutual respect.
It just seems to me the kid isn't getting enough attention from his dad.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Do you think your husband needs to provide more parental guidance (and I don’t just mean telling the kid what to do)? He could do more things with him to build a better relationship. He could share some of his life’s lessons, personal thoughts, and feelings. I don’t mean a lecture. I mean through conversation while interacting with the kid. A by-product might be mutual respect.
It just seems to me the kid isn't getting enough attention from his dad.

Well, he does things with him when he's allowed to. The kid is 15 - he doesn't want to hang out with his dad. It's his girlfriend and his friends. He's gone all the time and his dad won't make him stay at home.
The hubby is gone during the week so they text back and forth. Any input from me, as far as discipline (I feel) is frowned upon. He told me last week, that it was always him who had to do the uncomfortable things (chewing the kid out over the phone). I said, "You don't want me to parent him. I don't parent the way you do."
Lol...he didn't have anything to say to that because he knew I was right. I don't believe in waiting until things get out of control to start offering up consequences.
I believe what I'm seeing from both his mother and father is paralyzed parenting. They are also both loathe to make the kid mad because he acts like a complete ass for days afterward. I admit that I often stay clear of him when one of his parents have pissed him off.
I suppose there's nothing I can do but sit back and watch and the parents and children destroy themselves. It's pretty sad and I don't want my own kid caught up in it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

There's clearly no respect from child to parent, from either one to either one of you. Which I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating that can be, especially when you're looked upon to be responsible for these young teens. While I think their father needs to be more stern, no one can make him be that way. If he's not going to bustle up and do it himself, without having to be told or an argument pursuing about it, then it's probably going to remain how it is. It's a shame, though, that they seemingly have no respect for their parents. Eventually they'll learn that this world doesn't run on them doing whatever they feel like doing, when they want and how.