Day full of tears

[ChocolateMoose]

Four years ago today, my brother died from overdosing on cold medicine. I still don't know if he was trying to get a narcotic effect or really wanted to pass into the next life. I've been spending the whole day bawling my eyes over the slightest things that reminded me of him. He was a good guy, but had anger issues and depression. We were really close, and he is the reason I have a love for video games and sci-fi novels. I guess he got into the wrong crowd, and we slowly began to hang out less. He would steal alcohol and cigarettes from my mom. Sometimes he would leave for several days without telling us. I wish we would of stayed close and he could've told me what was wrong.

Is it normal to still be grieving four years later?

(Please tell me if this doesn't fit in the category of depression)

 

[itsmylife]

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. I don't think there is a normal when it comes to grief. Try and focus on the good things about your brother and maybe you can smile through the tears. Is there something you can do in his memory? Take care of yourself.

 

[constant stranger]

Grief is a price one pays for loving someone.

 

[Sometimes]

Grief is a price one pays for loving someone.

Yes, that is so true. But it is good to be able to feel, even if sometimes it doesn't feel good.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Four years ago today, my brother died from overdosing on cold medicine. I still don't know if he was trying to get a narcotic effect or really wanted to pass into the next life. I've been spending the whole day bawling my eyes over the slightest things that reminded me of him. He was a good guy, but had anger issues and depression. We were really close, and he is the reason I have a love for video games and sci-fi novels. I guess he got into the wrong crowd, and we slowly began to hang out less. He would steal alcohol and cigarettes from my mom. Sometimes he would leave for several days without telling us. I wish we would of stayed close and he could've told me what was wrong.

Is it normal to still be grieving four years later?

I'm sorry about the loss of your brother.

Hey, there are no fixed amount of time for someone to grieve. Some people take decades and they never manage to let go and grieve the entire time. Some can move on and deal better, I don't believe there is a right or wrong amount of time to grieve for someone.

My father passed away 8 years ago.. I'm not grieving anymore but there are moments when I talk about him or think of him and tears roll down my face. How long did I take to grieve? It felt like it took me more than 5 years or maybe even more, to actually feel like I'm not grieving anymore. I just never really cared how long it took, because I know for a fact how much he meant to me and nobody can tell me I'm wrong for taking such a long time because they don't know honeysuckle. I was the closest person to him, next to my mother but there was always something different about our bond and it was close, and special, even though he drove me crazy a lot of times. It was special.

So don't worry about how much time you take. Take it at your own pace, he is your brother and it surely seems like you knew him best. Stay strong, ChocolateMoose.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

As others have said, there is no fixed time to grieve for someone.

Maybe this link will help:

http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/dealing-with-grief/5-stages-of-grief/

We don't go through these stages in a rational, logical order, it's different for everyone. Sometimes people get stuck in the denial stage or another and get stuck there for a while. But yes, depression can be a part of it, but should not be mistaken for the regular kind, although it can be very similar (eg I really don't think medication for grief depression is helpful). Also important what it says about acceptance - this doesn't mean we just accept and move on, or the pain goes away. We just learn to live with it better and the intensity does fade a bit if we fully engage with the stages.

Also anniversaries are very powerful. My Dad died 8 years ago (am struck by LF saying the same thing!), and a few years later I started to feel really out of balance, low mood, irritable, I went for a long walk, and ended up at the park where we used to spend some time together. It then clicked, that it was the anniversary of the day he died, one part of me had known, another had tried to push the knoweldge away.

And I know lots of people who feel very affected on anniversaries eg birthdays etc. Sometimes for years.

It might be helpful to find some way to mark it, even maybe just getting one of those paper lanterns and sending it into the sky, some people find that a very healing thing to do.

 

[dd11]

I think what is "normal" depends on the person. I think that after 4 yrs, you should be moving ahead with life. That doesnt' mean you don't have periods of missing your brother. My brother was killed at age 19. I have now known him dead far longer than he was alive. I do think about what might have been that never was. And, the family he would have had. And, how he would have been an Uncle to my children and so forth. The loss of what might have been is something you do think about. However, it is important for the living to continue living as you do no service to the deceased to not value life. They lost their life. You should honor the deceased by fully living yours.

 

[Danielle]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother.

As others have said, there is no set period of time in which to grieve the loss of someone you love. I think these moments are an important part of healing. As time goes on, your memories will hurt less and less and become pleasant reminders of the ttimes you spent with him. My mom passed when I was 11, about 26 years ago, and I still think about her everyday.

(((((Hug))))))

 

[SofiasMami]

Of course it's normal to still be grieving your brother's passing 4 years later, especially on the anniversary of his death. Your other family members that were close to him are probably still grieving too.
A close family friend died by his own hand 4 years ago and I still miss him and get angry at what he did. There are some questions that I will never have answers to.
You mentioned your brother got you into video games and sci-fi novels, what else can you tell us about your brother?

-Teresa

 

[ChocolateMoose]

Of course it's normal to still be grieving your brother's passing 4 years later, especially on the anniversary of his death. Your other family members that were close to him are probably still grieving too.
A close family friend died by his own hand 4 years ago and I still miss him and get angry at what he did. There are some questions that I will never have answers to.
You mentioned your brother got you into video games and sci-fi novels, what else can you tell us about your brother?

-Teresa

He always wanted to get into the music business as a rapper and would practice singing on a daily basis. His favorite food was spaghetti, so my family ate that a few days ago.