Dealing With Being Talked Down To

[Gravely]

Hey guys,

So, as some of you might be aware, I live in a homeless shelter. It's run like no other, and for the most part there is peace. A big deal is made about our drug of choice when we first enter, and usually it's true. It does give a general blueprint of a person's quirks. Despite the fact that I'm a former alcoholic and have been sober for two years, my drug of choice was always weed. I'm by no means a stoner and never smoked on a daily basis, but I am a pretty laid back person. I've always had anxiety issues, so being laid back is comforting to me. I don't like people who are all over the place and stressed out.

Most of the guys here have a history with meth, which I have never used. No one here is a current user, and most are generally laid back in their sobriety. There is one guy here who was a long term meth user and has permanent personality quirks from it, but is a good guy. He's just had a rough time and is trying to rebuild his life-- we all are. But today he's really been testing my nerves, and I'm not sure if I'm thinking straight. I could use some input from level headed people. He has spurts of just twitching and running all over the place, which would stress me out, but I ignore it because I know it's just something he did for years while using. Today it's been combined with a new attitude that I don't quite appreciate.

This morning I had four teeth pulled as a part of some upcoming dental surgery, and was prescribed Oxycodone for the pain. I have never abused pills or even been prescribed them before apart from Penacilin, and will only take the prescribed amount because I have no interest in them for any other reason. Today is the first time I have taken them, and to be honest, I've been a little out of it. Not high, just mellow and I have had spurts mild energy. I've enjoyed it actually, and the guys have been kind of coaching me through what I'm feeling. Most have used them before for legitimate reasons, but none have ever been pillheads. I know this because I've gotten to know them all, and I wouldn't even talk about how it affects me if they had a history.

Anyway, this guy knew I had an appointment today and I was already back when he came in. He was all over the place more than normal. I was seriously high because of the combination of Oxys and the gas they put me under with at the dentist's. I couldn't function at that point. It was at that point that he busted in and was all over the place, running everywhere. His chore is maintaining the kitchen, and jumped down my throat about a dirty bowl that was left in the sink. I was like "Dude, you know I'm house-trained. You know I don't do that." It was pretty infuriating that he would try to pin that on me when we both knew it was the new kid. But I just guessed he was in an off mood and wasn't about to start anything. He has never been that stressful to me before. I was obviously out of it, I was resting like I was told to do, he was stressing me out and I just wanted him to shut up.

The rest of the day, he was all over the place and acting like an ******* to me. Then tonight a guy when just came back after being away for a few days came in and we were out on the porch talking about Oxys. He had abused them a little years ago but wasn't going to try anything, and the guy I was just talking about was also out there. It wasn't me rubbing the fact that I had pills in anyone's face, he was just telling me about his experiences and I was talking about how it was affecting me. Then the original guy butt in saying "How do you know one of us isn't a pillhead? You know my history with meth-- you bragging about having pills is just like bragging to me about having meth." This pissed me off. Everyone knew that I wasn't bragging, and I wasn't trying to rub it in anyone's face. These are the kind of guys that would say something if talking about my pills affecting me was making them tweak, and although some of them have used Oxys, pills were never anyone's choice currently in the house. All I was doing was talking about was what was going on with me, the same as everyone else. And honeysuckle, the new kid never stops talking about meth. I wasn't talking about it all day, people were asking me about my day and offering advice off and on, but that's it.

What's the deal with this guy? He talked to me like I was lesser than him all day, which pissed me off. He has never talked to me that way before, and we have always spoken to one another as equals. One way to make me mad quicker than anything is to talk down to me, and I don't appreciate it. If it was anywhere else, I would tell him to go fresia himself before he could finish his sentence, but one conflict can turn into chaos quickly here. I held my tongue after every jab he took at me, but I'm not going to take much more of his tweaker attitude. I've just avoided saying anything, but the next time I'm spoken down to, I'm going to say what's on my mind.

So what do you guys think his problem is? Is he jealous that I'm on a legally prescribed narcotic that the director fully knows about, or is he just pissed about something unrelated and focusing his frustrations on me? I know he's trying to stay clean, but I'm sorry, taking a pain reliever is not the same as dangling meth in front of him. fresia that comparison. I want to keep the peace, but he's been a dick to me. How can I move forward wisely? It's not in my nature to take honeysuckle from anybody.

 

[Nicolelt]

He is trying to be the big fish in a little pond. My guess, because he was on meth at one time, prior to him living in the homeless shelter he probably didn't receive a whole lot of respect in the outside world.

Anyways, I bet too he is jealous that you get to take something that alters your mood/pain. Can you take to the director about it? Would they have advice? Do you get some kind of counseling at this shelter? I would start there. Also, don't let him provoke you, it kinda sounds like what he wants. I would beat him by just ignoring it.

 

[Ymir]

If I were to say, he's probably looking down on you for taking painkillers, as if though you were doing illicit drugs. Which you are not. The solution here is keep your distance until you are calm and confront him, calmly. It doesn't have to turn into a fight: just let him know in a matter-of-factly way that you don't enjoy being talking down to, he is being unfair and you don't like it, either.

I think it can be done if you manage to keep calm. You can say what's on your mind as long as you have the right attitude.

 

[Anahita]

If you are living in any kind of a communal environment, then there has to be some give and take. This guy's attitude to you may be unsettling and unpleasant, but adopting a "I don't take honeysuckle from anyone " approach may be a bad idea.

The question of the painkillers aside, not everyone in life is going to like you and in a community people will often rub each other the wrong way, and that is without the drug or other problems that may be issues in a shelter. Some of the bitchiest stuff I ever came across was in a group of people who called themselves spiritual!

Chill a bit and ignore this person unless it gets to be a really huge problem. If it does then seek guidance from the director.

 

[Gravely]

As of today, there has been a big power grab. The director, who doesn't live here because he rightfully believes we don't need to be babysat, has kind of a go-to guy. He lives here and, up until now, never passed judgment on others. He was just the guy to go to if there's somebody is using, and really all he does is do a drug test and call the director. He doesn't make decisions, which is good because he's kind of a hothead and isn't qualified to. Regardless, we've always gotten along. Anything he's said has been from the director. But today, apparently he's started micromanaging things. Writing our chores on the board, giving strikes he's not qualified to give, entering decrees. To me, it's all small honeysuckle. I was at work today and I try to avoid the bullshit drama around here because it truly is beneath me.

Anyway, tonight a few of us were on the porch. One guy said "So, what are we doing for dinner tonight?" It was weird that no one had thawed any meat and no one was offering to cook. I said "I don't know. Do we have any eggs left?" He said "Oh, yeah, but we can't eat that for dinner." I say "Who says?" "Oh, (the number two)." "And are you aware that I bought those eggs for the house?" "(The number two) said." I said "Are you a ******* parrot? I don't take orders from him, I take orders from (the director)." I went inside and cooked some of my own **** eggs. This number two came in halfway through, we visited a bit (he's going through a breakup), and he said nothing about the eggs. It was a pleasant conversation.

I think the guy who I made this thread about is just soaking up the power of being the number two's number one, which is an entirely made up position. We both came in at the same time, we were both told that there is no inner-heirarchy. If you have an issue, you go to the go-to, and all he can do is call the director's cell just as easily as any of us can. Truth be told, I don't even think he said half of this this honeysuckle. I think the number three and a half is just trying to assert himself as being a mini-prophet, which is a rank I don't recogize. And for the record, if I buy eggs for the house, I am free to cook some for myself at any time. Anyone else is free to do the same.

I think it's also entirely possible that he is pissed about me using a drug-- his tone is shitty to me at all times. Yes, I was out of it yesterday. I just had three teeth pulled and wasn't used to the drug. Anytime I let the effects of my Oxy wear off, I go into extreme pain. So yes, I'm going to pick being high over being in pain. But the director knows all about it-- he ******* bought them for me and he knows that I'm using them exactly as directed. And when the pain subsides, I will switch to Ibuprofen until the pain is tolerable without any sort of medication. I have no interest whatsoever in abusing this or any other prescription.

I just don't know what his deal is. We were close up until a few days ago, then he just changed. I think talking to the director is the best option.

 

[Gravely]

Today was a little bit different. I drove into Missouri for cigarettes because I got paid and today was my day off. When I got back, the director walked in not too long after. We sat on the porch smoking and talking for a bit, but I didn't bring up the issue because we weren't alone. If I had asked to talk to him alone, he would've happily done so, but I was calmer today and wanted to see how the situation developed. The director left a few minutes later and asked me to shovel some dirt out of a pile and circle around the trees-- he wanted me me to do it with the kid (a new guy who's only eighteen).

As we were doing the work around noon, the guy this thread was about went out and was jokingly being condescending. "Good work, guys. Good hustle." I knew he was joking and seemed to have a better attitude today. When we were done, we came in for some water. We were joking back and forth. It seemed good, we were all having fun with it. Then, out of the blue, the guy said "I don't think you guys like me anymore." I sat down and said "Dude, it's not that I don't respect you. I just see the way you've been talking to me as condescending-- I don't appreciate that." He said "I'm sorry, that isn't how I intend it at all." I replied "It's okay, my reactions haven't been very nice either, and I'm sorry for that too." He said "Oh, it's all good, dude." Then we talked for probably twenty minutes about how we're brothers and we need to communicate better, both in agreement.

This place isn't run like any other homeless shelter on the planet, but there are still bouts of chaos and communication breakdowns despite all of the good here. Ultimately, despite the fact that we come from totally different backgrounds, we're all trying to accomplish the same thing. We need to stick together when it gets tough.

 

[Anahita]

Hey that is so great! I am really pleased it worked out so well between you. So now instead of an enemy you have made a friend.

I think you are spot on to say that there will be bouts of chaos and maybe problems sometimes, when people live together there always are, even in families (especially in families, lol).

And you guys are kind of like a family, in some ways. Hopefully it will stay good for you there, and I reckon you will learn a lot about yourself, as well as about other people.