Denial

[Misanthrope23]

i've been doubting myself for a while but i have to come to terms that i have been in denial. i keep pretending that my life is okay but it's not. i keep lying to myself that life is great and beautiful to me but its not. i hate life i really do. at least my life. nothing goes right and nothing gets better. i have the basic needs to survive but its not because of my own money. i basically have none. i desire something more, i don't know what. everyday is filled with loneliness and the worst part is nobody cares or knows how to help. i wish there was someone in my life that cared. i'm not trying to say that i suffer the most out of everyone else, but i do suffer and it sucks.

 

[Omnisiac]

i've been doubting myself for a while but i have to come to terms that i have been in denial. i keep pretending that my life is okay but it's not. i keep lying to myself that life is great and beautiful to me but its not. i hate life i really do. at least my life. nothing goes right and nothing gets better. i have the basic needs to survive but its not because of my own money. i basically have none. i desire something more, i don't know what. everyday is filled with loneliness and the worst part is nobody cares or knows how to help. i wish there was someone in my life that cared. i'm not trying to say that i suffer the most out of everyone else, but i do suffer and it sucks.

Feeling like a mootch sucks. I remember staying with my sister for a few months when i started college. Her husband was a real duche. Reminded me everyday about how I was eating his food and sleeping under his roof. Drove me insane.

 

[9006]

i've been doubting myself for a while but i have to come to terms that i have been in denial. i keep pretending that my life is okay but it's not. i keep lying to myself that life is great and beautiful to me but its not. i hate life i really do. at least my life. nothing goes right and nothing gets better. i have the basic needs to survive but its not because of my own money. i basically have none. i desire something more, i don't know what. everyday is filled with loneliness and the worst part is nobody cares or knows how to help. i wish there was someone in my life that cared. i'm not trying to say that i suffer the most out of everyone else, but i do suffer and it sucks.

You're right; nobody can really help, you're responsible for your own actions, people can guide, but that's it.

Life is a great thing, but it's up to you how you live yours, some people need motivation, a goal to work towards. You get so much gratification for achieving a goal you have set for yourself, and I think this leads to a better perspective on life.

 

[Misanthrope23]

i've been doubting myself for a while but i have to come to terms that i have been in denial. i keep pretending that my life is okay but it's not. i keep lying to myself that life is great and beautiful to me but its not. i hate life i really do. at least my life. nothing goes right and nothing gets better. i have the basic needs to survive but its not because of my own money. i basically have none. i desire something more, i don't know what. everyday is filled with loneliness and the worst part is nobody cares or knows how to help. i wish there was someone in my life that cared. i'm not trying to say that i suffer the most out of everyone else, but i do suffer and it sucks.

Feeling like a mootch sucks. I remember staying with my sister for a few months when i started college. Her husband was a real duche. Reminded me everyday about how I was eating his food and sleeping under his roof. Drove me insane.

i'm not really a mootch it's just difficult for me to find a job that actually pays, with the degree that i got. internships are mostly non-paid. not that i'm complaining that i should have got a better paying degree. i like my major but the job outlook for it unfortunately is not that great.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Misanthrope *hugs*

I'm not sure what would make you feel better, I guess when someone comes along in your life to actually show you some care and concern?

I've learnt one thing from my past experiences. You don't depend on other people to be happy or content in life. Even though some people NEED social interaction to get by, it shouldn't be the main thing that keeps them going. People are too unpredictable and shaky, it's never a good bet to bank on them for any form of care, concern or anything like that that is permanent or long term.

If someone comes along and is awesome like that, good for you. If not, oh well, find other things in life within your capabilities, that will make you feel better.

But, I know nothing I say can make you feel better. The only person who can, is you, really.

 

[Misanthrope23]

i've been doubting myself for a while but i have to come to terms that i have been in denial. i keep pretending that my life is okay but it's not. i keep lying to myself that life is great and beautiful to me but its not. i hate life i really do. at least my life. nothing goes right and nothing gets better. i have the basic needs to survive but its not because of my own money. i basically have none. i desire something more, i don't know what. everyday is filled with loneliness and the worst part is nobody cares or knows how to help. i wish there was someone in my life that cared. i'm not trying to say that i suffer the most out of everyone else, but i do suffer and it sucks.

You're right; nobody can really help, you're responsible for your own actions, people can guide, but that's it.

Life is a great thing, but it's up to you how you live yours, some people need motivation, a goal to work towards. You get so much gratification for achieving a goal you have set for yourself, and I think this leads to a better perspective on life.

that the thing; since my outlook on life is negative i lack motivation :/ and it's so hard to think positive since optimism has never really gotten me anywhere.

---

Misanthrope *hugs*

I'm not sure what would make you feel better, I guess when someone comes along in your life to actually show you some care and concern?

I've learnt one thing from my past experiences. You don't depend on other people to be happy or content in life. Even though some people NEED social interaction to get by, it shouldn't be the main thing that keeps them going. People are too unpredictable and shaky, it's never a good bet to bank on them for any form of care, concern or anything like that that is permanent or long term.

If someone comes along and is awesome like that, good for you. If not, oh well, find other things in life within your capabilities, that will make you feel better.

But, I know nothing I say can make you feel better. The only person who can, is you, really.

thanks for the support. even if it would be difficult to get support on real life, at least i know someone cares. i feel like a failure though, failure in trying to change myself and how i'll always be who i am.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You're not a failure if you haven't tried your best and come to a dead end. It's not dead end yet in life - you can't be a failure as long as you keep trying. Failure happens when you fall and never get up again, when you're done with life. You do get up. It's just harder for you and it takes some time. Besides, you're working towards something in life, right? What about school? You're done with those presentations and exams all? Hope they went all right.