Miriam1966
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2018
- Messages
- 75
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Hi Friends,
Just rambling today. I was thinking about all of the advice I've been given here lately about trying to find good temporary homes for my pets so that I can leave my abusive relationship before my lease ends in the spring. I appreciate all of the advice. <3
I've mentioned that I have a plan to leave in the spring, when my lease is up because I don't want legal trouble for breaking my lease without "cause". There is a law here where I live that a victim can legally break any lease with proof of domestic abuse, but it refers to physical or sexual abuse. In my case it's emotional and verbal abuse.
I'll be honest, if I didn't have my pets with me, I wouldn't survive. Last October, the abuse was at its worst. I don't remember what triggered him, but I found myself sitting on my bed with my head down, listening to him berate me for a good 10 minutes. I felt so defeated and when he started calling me an effing b*tch, I got up and started to walk down the stairs. He followed me down repeating over and over that I was an effing b*tch.
I grabbed my car keys and ran out of the house, and all I could think of was that I wanted to end my life. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I spent a lot of time on the mountain that day and realized I couldn't leave my pets behind with him or with anyone else. They were my reason to live, I had to find a reason and it certainly wasn't because I wanted to. That was my turning point and I decided on my exit strategy. I don't want legal trouble by breaking my lease. He told me he'd never leave. So this is the best I can do with my situation.
If I didn't have my pets in my life, especially my three dogs, I wouldn't have any strength to leave or to live. When someone you fell in love with bullies you so badly and breaks your spirit like my bf has done, and your only solution to end the pain is to end your life...that to me is something I'm terribly ashamed to admit. And it makes me wonder how I got myself entrenched into this situation where I used to be an independent, strong woman. I'm confused, I don't know if I still love him or if I'm clinging to hope that he still loves me deep down. It's awful.
We are currently in a good cycle where he apologized for everything he'd done the last week. I'm no fool now. I go along with it, but I don't believe it nor do I trust his false promises to change and be a better man. But it makes my life bearable. I know it's just a matter of time before it starts all over again. I'm doing a lot of work on how to cope temporarily. I'm taking advice from people to try to be invisible, to focus on myself and my hobbies. I'm also trying to keep as healthy as I can.
You guys have really helped me here and I hope I can return the favour!
Just rambling today. I was thinking about all of the advice I've been given here lately about trying to find good temporary homes for my pets so that I can leave my abusive relationship before my lease ends in the spring. I appreciate all of the advice. <3
I've mentioned that I have a plan to leave in the spring, when my lease is up because I don't want legal trouble for breaking my lease without "cause". There is a law here where I live that a victim can legally break any lease with proof of domestic abuse, but it refers to physical or sexual abuse. In my case it's emotional and verbal abuse.
I'll be honest, if I didn't have my pets with me, I wouldn't survive. Last October, the abuse was at its worst. I don't remember what triggered him, but I found myself sitting on my bed with my head down, listening to him berate me for a good 10 minutes. I felt so defeated and when he started calling me an effing b*tch, I got up and started to walk down the stairs. He followed me down repeating over and over that I was an effing b*tch.
I grabbed my car keys and ran out of the house, and all I could think of was that I wanted to end my life. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I spent a lot of time on the mountain that day and realized I couldn't leave my pets behind with him or with anyone else. They were my reason to live, I had to find a reason and it certainly wasn't because I wanted to. That was my turning point and I decided on my exit strategy. I don't want legal trouble by breaking my lease. He told me he'd never leave. So this is the best I can do with my situation.
If I didn't have my pets in my life, especially my three dogs, I wouldn't have any strength to leave or to live. When someone you fell in love with bullies you so badly and breaks your spirit like my bf has done, and your only solution to end the pain is to end your life...that to me is something I'm terribly ashamed to admit. And it makes me wonder how I got myself entrenched into this situation where I used to be an independent, strong woman. I'm confused, I don't know if I still love him or if I'm clinging to hope that he still loves me deep down. It's awful.
We are currently in a good cycle where he apologized for everything he'd done the last week. I'm no fool now. I go along with it, but I don't believe it nor do I trust his false promises to change and be a better man. But it makes my life bearable. I know it's just a matter of time before it starts all over again. I'm doing a lot of work on how to cope temporarily. I'm taking advice from people to try to be invisible, to focus on myself and my hobbies. I'm also trying to keep as healthy as I can.
You guys have really helped me here and I hope I can return the favour!