Going through a lot

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

For a large amount of my life, I've felt lonely. Since kindergarten, I've felt loneliness and didn't really have much in the way of friends. Around junior high, it was sort of like that, but with bad self-esteem on top of that. The last year of it however, things started to get better.

When I hit high school however, things came crashing down again. People I once knew I thought they forgot about me in my eyes and I started hating myself, and considered harming myself. Grade 10 was even worse. The year things started getting better was around grade 12, when I did make a group of friends.

Now, I'm in uni and I still spend a lot of time by myself. I think I'm failing my courses, I still see myself as a freak because of my autism, and I'm always still feeling lonely because now I'm away from my family. I might be getting this depression (if it is depression. I've never been diagnosed) all over again. I do have some friends, but we don't see each other often. I don't know how to carry a conversation and I'm too formal to be interesting. I will never end my life, considering my death will probably cause others to do the same and I know I can change it for the better. It's more like a headache really. So, thought I might as well try asking here: what should I try doing to feel better?

Also, forgive me if I suddenly clear this post. There's people I know who I don't want them to know this. They've been through a lot of stress from this in my years of high school.

 

[Ioann]

I sometimes think the answer to everything (well, almost everything) is to find a passion. It doesn't really matter what it is. If you are fascinated by collecting match box labels, or whatever, and can find other people who are, the you're away. Maybe your courses can provide something?

Just a thought.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you have friends, you must be able to carry a conversation and have something interesting about you that other people will want to get to know you, as well.

Autism does NOT make you a freak. It just makes you different. But guess what....every single person out there is different from the person next to them in regards to mannerisms, intelligence and interests. What makes you different also makes you interesting.

What do you enjoy doing? Find a club or group that also enjoys doing those things and meet people that have a shared interest with you. Embrace who and what you are and never look down on yourself for it, it makes you, you. People love you for who you are, so if someone doesn't want to be in your life, that is THEIR loss, not yours. Meet new people, go out, have fun. You will find people that you can enjoy being around and can talk to pretty easily.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Thanks for the answers guys. Really helps the mood to know I'm being heard. I've actually tried meeting people with common interests, but more often than not, theses attempts tend to fall flat on their face. I'm pretty shy, and like I said, too formal. I'm sort of boring to talk to and I mean it when I said I don't know how to carry a conversation. (talking online at least gives me some time to think about what to say)

Autism does NOT make you a freak. It just makes you different. But guess what....every single person out there is different from the person next to them in regards to mannerisms, intelligence and interests. What makes you different also makes you interesting.

I'll have to remember that. Thanks. I just keep getting those looks and I always interpret them as them looking down at me. Kind of gets on your nerves after a while.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I have a "passion", something i've dedicated most of my life to. It has provided enjoyment and a bridge to meeting similar minded folks.
There are also other things i enjoy doing.
But to depend on these passions to replace provide a substitute against loneliness, well, that will never work.
Short term, perhaps, but in my case, several decades of personal passions have not taken the focus off of the emotional turmoil and bad experiences. It is more noticeable the older you become. Then you realize the years that have been lost, and it only compounds the feelings.
and I am not implying that I don't like to be alone. That is not the same as being lonely.

 

[Tiina63]

Often being lonely and having autism go hand in hand as it can be hard to really connect with others. I am autistic as well and, as TRC said, this doesn't make you (or me) a freak, it just makes us a bit different. Does your university have a support group for people with AS or is there one nearby which you could join? I have found that having a support group is a big help.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I think what I need to do is work on social skills and find out how to not keep people away from me. It's not like one or two. I could be sitting in a classroom and can be sure the other students will try to sit away from me.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

With ref to post #2 I am pleased to be able to supply a wide range of compeditively priced matchbox lables(also cleaning equipment and a mark 4 ford consul in good running order open to offers) inc beginners collections and lables suitable for the experienced collector including currently the much sought after matchbox lable of the covenant(only some slight pocket abrasions, and a key indentation otherwise perfect) featuring in glorious sterio printing ink the infant Jesus at rest in the garden of Gethsemani....simply e mail me your requirements at mytreasuredmatchboxlable.com...and why not enter our compitition which is entirely free(other than administration charges...postage and packing and insurance requirements) and gives you the opportunity to become the proud owner of a simulated copy of the renowned.. matchbox lable of the apocalypse...terms and conditions apply...

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I have a "passion", something i've dedicated most of my life to. It has provided enjoyment and a bridge to meeting similar minded folks.
There are also other things i enjoy doing.
But to depend on these passions to replace provide a substitute against loneliness, well, that will never work.
Short term, perhaps, but in my case, several decades of personal passions have not taken the focus off of the emotional turmoil and bad experiences. It is more noticeable the older you become. Then you realize the years that have been lost, and it only compounds the feelings.
and I am not implying that I don't like to be alone. That is not the same as being lonely.

I think I tried that too. Sort of an, "imaginary friend," sort of thing though. Used it for about 4 years (and actually sort of worked). Now I only use it if I want to feel like I'm telling my problems to someone and nobody's around. I've often used personal passions in life and while they rarely lead to connections, they do a good job of keeping my mind off of bad thoughts. Doing fun activities is what kept me from noticing I was lonely for years. (If I recall correctly)

 

[DVEUS]

hey mr ...lots of good advice given...wish i could give you a magic pill

looking forward to something always helps me...even if it's something simple...i get a kick out of blowing peoples doors off on the interstate...it really does make me smile...giggle actually

 

[ladyforsaken]

I see some really good replies in this thread. I hope it will work out for you, Seal and that you will feel much better with time. Don't give up. I got your back. You know where to find me if you wanna talk about anything or need some support. Take care. *hugs*

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Thank you everyone for the replies. Means a lot to me.

Turns out SOMEBODY managed to get me off my are and into the chat room. It's been helping a lot. I'm also feeling these bad moments less.

Thanks again guys.