Greed

[Naval_Fluff]

Second poem I've ever written that wasn't about a girl or my feelings. Please tell me what you think

The Queen of luck, A throne of Chance
The die are cast, men entranced
The ante's up, the chips are down
Gleaming smiles turn to frowns

Looming fates are cast about
Burning desire shadows doubt
Pockets empty, wallets thin
Seldom do the greedy win...

 

[SophiaGrace]

wow o_o

That was very well worded.

Usually rhyme doesnt impress me because its such an over-used literary device but this poem surpassed the usual cliche.

Well done!

hmn

"Looming fates are cast about"

Looming implied a bad fate. This seems to be a bit of forshadowing. Perhaps you should take a second look at this line.

maybe a more neutral "Unknown fates are cast about" would be better?

Hmn, you choose what to do. It's your poem.

But i like it overall!

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Thanks! I'm glad that you liked it! Hm...neutral might be a good idea, but the whole plot is kinda how selfish people don't get far, so I'm not sure if that would work too well. I really appreciate the advice tho!