Greetings from Australia

[zipcodes]

Hi, my name is Miki, I am female and 52 years old, and live in Melbourne.

I have almost always been lonely. It seems to be getting worse as I get older.

I'd love to find someone to chat to. There doesn't seem to be anyone in the chat room right now? Is that because I am in Australia and everyone else is in a different time zone?

I've never been on a site like this before and am finding it a little challenging, technologically. I suppose I will eventually work out how it all works.

If anyone would like to contact me, I am very friendly, genuine, and polite. Also open to meeting up in Real Life if there's anyone in Melbourne. I have one close female friend, who I don't interact with quite as much as I'd like because she's married with a child, and busy. I would love to have another close girlfriend - maybe someone else who's single and lonely!

I am unemployed with not much prospect of getting re-employed, and I get bored and lonely with so much time on my hands.

I am originally from the US. Came to Australia as a child.

Please someone message me, or reply to this, or talk to me.

 

[BayouWoman]

Hi Miki!

I am new here too and am finding it challenging, just like you. Don't know if I will ever get a technological? mind!

My post is beneath yours and that tells a bit about me.

Can you remember any of the U.S.? Do you know if you prefer the U.S. Or Australia? I always thought Australia seemed like it would be a great place to live.

 

[zipcodes]

Hi BayouWoman, thanks for replying to me. Yes, I remember the US. I have also visited my family in Connecticut a few times. I actually prefer the US, but the lack of health insurance really scares me.

 

[BayouWoman]

Yeah, I know what you mean about no health insurance. I have none. Now we are all suppose to have Obama care and I tried for that but the premiums for me and my son would be about $800 a month, the deductible would be about three years of income and still once the deductible was reached it would only pay 40% of costs. I cannot afford that and now have to pay $240 every quarter in fines. I am now dealing with a $5,000 emergency room bill and a $2,000 emergency room doctor bill (who I only saw about 15 minutes, charged me $87 to read an ekg and misdiagnosed me to boot!), plus my regular doctor is $100 a visit. If I had insurance it would have paid for none of that anyway. The healthcare system in america is broken and I am not sure how a fix is ever going to come about, it is not about health, it is about greed. I think healthcare should be a human right. The lack of health insurance scares me too!

Why do you not have much prospect of being employed? Health issues?

 

[zipcodes]

Gee, you make me realise how extremely lucky I am. I had appendicitis around New Year's Day, went to the emergency room. My appendix burst and I was in hospital for four days with beautiful care. It didn't cost me anything! The government here covers it all if it is an emergency admission.

My private health insurance costs about $2500 a year. I do still have to pay some expenses myself, but it's in the hundreds, not the thousands. The only thing that is pretty hard to afford here is seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. They are expensive (maybe $300 per appointment) and not much of the cost is covered. I'd like to change shrinks. I have been seeing the same one for years and for some reason I can't seem to talk to her any longer. She never makes any useful comments any more, and in fact hardly says anything. But I feel kind of stuck with her because she does not charge me very much (out of kindness).

In my last job, I was employed for about eight years as a call centre operator. I got retrenched. Now cannot find a replacement job because for call centres, they prefer to hire people in their 20s and won't hire someone who's 52 (almost 53). I have been unemployed since March 2013. Tried for hundreds of jobs, had a few interviews. It does not help that I SUCK at job interviews. These days I no longer get offered interviews at all, I have been out of work for too long. I wasn't quite so bored the first three years I was at home (in a way I was kind of relieved not to to be working, I always found work really stressful). But this year at home it's really getting to me. I can't find enough things to do and I don't have enough people contact. I do have one close friend but she is married with a child, working and busy, and I sometimes feel I am imposing on her. So I try not to contact her too much or be too needy. Other than that, I have a lot of acquaintances, but I find I almost always have to initiate contact with them, they don't tend to contact me. I have a hard time turning acquaintances into friends (I think I have quite high social anxiety) and I don't find these superficial friendships very satisfying. Of course some contact is better than none at all.

You do make me realise too how lucky I am to have my health.

Thanks so much for replying to me again.

 

[BayouWoman]

I think healthcare here should go back to being non profit. I think things were better then.

Therapy here is pretty expensive as well. I never had much use for it though for I tried when I was divorced and I was depressed and wondered if there was something horribly wrong with me to make my husband leave like that. I was put on medication and had a horrible experience with that, think it made me suicidal. It was when I finally got off the drugs that things began to get back to normal.

I think that over time you can outgrow your therapist, or just need a different viewpoint or the therapist can change too, all people change over time, even therapists.

It is awful to have to go through all that about the jobs and the interviews, is there anything you could do on your own? Be your own boss and all?

Sorry about the social anxiety, several people have mentioned this on here, can you elaborate about it? I don't know much about it.

Initiating contact with someone doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to have anything to do with you, maybe they meant to call but hadn't got to it, or something. That is what I would figure anyway, until they told me otherwise and if I felt real suspicious about it I would just ask.

I think I am lucky too in that this will go away eventually, they say it can take 6 months to a year. They don't even start thinking about other treatments until it has gone on for 3 months. I am thinking I may need ear tubes and am afraid that will affect my hearing, but at least I won't be dizzy!!!

I can empathize better now with people who are housebound, and people who don't have the hope of getting better like I do. I think it has helped make me a more understanding person. So, while I am thankful for that I do just wish it would go away!!! Every night I go to bed and hope that I will somehow miraculously wake up the next morning and not be dizzy!!!

 

[zipcodes]

Social anxiety: in my case, it's that I feel unpleasantly self-conscious and shy with other people. I find it difficult to make conversation. It's very difficult for me to voice opinions or let people know who I really am. So it's hard for other people to get to know me, and it's hard for me to turn acquaintances into friends.

I have people, who when I contact them, seem happy to hear from me and are happy to arrange to do things together. But if I don't contact them, I simply NEVER hear from them. They never initiate contact with me. It feels like I am the one driving the friendship and that if I stopped contacting them, I would never hear from them again. That has in fact happened with at least a couple of people. I wouldn't mind making the majority of the effort to keep in touch with people, but it drains and depresses me that I'm doing 100% of the work. I don't know why it's like this for me. I suspect that it's partly that people are busy, but it's also that I'm pretty peripheral to people: they like me well enough, but they can do well enough without me. I think I am very agreeable but just not that interesting.

Unfortunately I don't think I have any skills that I could turn into a business and be my own boss. I struggled hard to keep afloat in the workplace. I was just somehow not a natural worker. Although I worked very hard to make up for not being naturally good. I hope that makes sense. I find it hard to explain.

I feel for you in your health situation. I hope it goes away soon for you.

 

[BayouWoman]

Oh, so that is what social anxiety is! That must be pretty uncomfortable. So, why is it people like you can't ever think of anything to say, while I always feel like I run my mouth too much? I have a daughter who is pretty introverted, a deep thinker. I tell her there is nothing wrong with that, that I wished sometimes I stopped and thought more and could be more like her. But social anxiety goes beyond that, doesn't it?

I never cared much what people thought of me, either people will like me or they won't, it's the way of the world. With you it sounds kind of like a catch-22, people don't get to know you well so they don't find you interesting which then makes it harder for you?

I am finding you pretty interesting already though.

I am sorry work was such a struggle for you. What do you do for money without working? Here we have welfare but I think even with that you are expected to go back to work after two years, there is unemployment but I am not sure how long someone can get that. I don't know too much about it for I have been fortunate in that I never needed either.

Do you live alone? What do you enjoy doing most?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to the forum, Miki

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey Miki, welcome to the forum.

 

[zipcodes]

Thank you to TheRealCallie and ladyforsaken for welcoming me.

BayouWoman, I will reply to you soon.

 

[zipcodes]

To everyone, but especially BayouWoman:

I live alone. I have done since I was 28. I am pretty used to having my own space. Even though I'm very lonely at times, I worry that it might be difficult to live with someone else. Although I had my aunt and uncle stay with me for ten days in 2010 and it was absolutely lovely. It was so nice to have someone to have meals with and hang out with. I cried like anything when they left. But they were very considerate house guests.

I guess what I enjoy most is watching a movie or TV series I really like, together with a friend. It has to be something I really like and it has to be a friend who I'm really comfortable with, and they have to be enjoying the movie or TV show as much as I am.

I had a girlfriend who I used to binge-watch BBC drama series with on Saturday nights. That was great. It was awful when she committed suicide, in late 2011. She said in her suicide note that she did it because of loneliness. My friendship was not enough to sustain her. I was a basket-case for a long time after that happened.

I used to love reading but to my distress, I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating, and don't find I can read much. I think I might be depressed, since not much interests me. Fortunately I don't have any other symptoms of depression – mostly my mood is reasonably good. I've been on quite a high dose of an antidepressant but didn't find it did anything much, so I'm off it now.

I am OK as far as money goes. Don't want to go into details on the internet. But thankfully I have enough for a modest lifestyle. I'm very grateful that at least that's not a problem.

 

[Bubblebeam]

Hi Miki, I am living in Australia too! Queensland to be exact, though hoping to live in Tassie by January. I'm from the UK and only been here since 2012, and honestly I just can't adjust or deal with the extreme humidity in some parts of the country. We have researched Tassie and it seems just right for us - a steady climate of neither extreme, not bustling like other places in Oz, just a good place for introverts such as myself and my hubby, with (hopefully) enough work opportunities to survive on. It seems that you get more for your rent as well. Currently we are renting under a psychopathic landlord and can't wait to get away.

Being from the UK, I've had to trust my hubby and his mum when we move house and so far they've made some pretty bad choices climate wise. We've lived in Mackay (tropical climate), Roma (a small town in the middle of nowhere which was dry heat) and now we're on the Gold Coast which is sub tropical. I find even basic tasks extremely difficult in the peaks of summer here, so we're aiming for Tassie before the next summer rolls around.

Anyway, I'm going way off topic now. I also just registered here like yourself. Maybe we can chat sometime. It's indeed difficult chatting online in general when you live down under, unless the forum is specifically Australian, New Zealand, China etc, which most aren't.

I'm 25 (nearly anyway) but I hope our age difference won't put you off. I appreciate anyone as a friend personally if we genuinely click.

P.S. I'm so sorry to read you've experienced a suicide. I can't even imagine the pain. My husband lost his dad to suicide as well. He says he's over it now but understandably he'll sometimes bring it up with great sadness.

 

[BayouWoman]

Hi zipcodes! Wondered where you had got to!

I understand about living alone. Whenever I have guests, no matter how much I love them. I am always glad for it to get back to normal! A roomie would be like a perpetual guest, I think.

I am sorry to hear about your friend. I had a friend who committed suicide as well. I think they tried to call me first, but I was not home. I shall probably live with that regret forever. Wonder if I could have changed anything since I was three states away, but I sure as hell would have tried!

I have watched more tv of late than in my whole life. It is one of the things that doesn't bother me so much since I have been dizzy. I love a good movie. Hate to admit it but I love soaps too although they do seem to be becoming a thing of the past.

I really love a good book, but now I can't read for more than twenty minutes or it gives me a whopper of a headache.


Bubblebeam,
What is going on with your landlord? I had a bad one too, now I am lucky in that I own my own home. I can thank him for that, he drove me to it! Never wanted to have to deal with a landlord ever again! I actually had to call the police on him twice! Thought he was going to punch my husband!

Are all those places in Australia? I wasn't aware that the climates were so different. Always just thought of it as being warm.

I am in the USA, lived in Baton Rouge, love the south. Moved to a small town in Missouri and it is major culture shock! So different here!

I don't think you ever get over any death really, and suicides are the hardest. I think you learn to build your life around the hole that it leaves but the hole is always there all the same.

It is great meeting you both!

 

[Bubblebeam]

Bubblebeam,
What is going on with your landlord? I had a bad one too, now I am lucky in that I own my own home. I can thank him for that, he drove me to it! Never wanted to have to deal with a landlord ever again! I actually had to call the police on him twice! Thought he was going to punch my husband!

Are all those places in Australia? I wasn't aware that the climates were so different. Always just thought of it as being warm.

I am in the USA, lived in Baton Rouge, love the south. Moved to a small town in Missouri and it is major culture shock! So different here!

I don't think you ever get over any death really, and suicides are the hardest. I think you learn to build your life around the hole that it leaves but the hole is always there all the same.

It is great meeting you both!

Oh he's just an absolute pig with no morals, like a lot of landlords I've known. They only care about their sky high rent coming in and nothing else.

We moved in here and after only 1 month the bathroom floor was cracking. One day one of us has a shower and we come down to water flooding out of the ceiling and even the lightbulbs downstairs. Turns out he let a minor issue with the floorboards fester (probably too cheap to fix it) leading to a much bigger problem of the floorboards being rotten and an emergency bathroom renovation being required.

So, we had to deal with no shower or toilet, and tradesmen coming in all day drilling and making a mess, for 2-3 weeks. Some people would have gone to a hotel for that entire time and had him pay for every night - we only asked for the rent to be waived for some of that duration i.e. only a fraction of what he could have been made to pay.

So, after the renovation is done, shortly after we get a notice of eviction in 2 months from the date. The real estate admitted the landlord decided on this because of our behaviour towards the renovation. Yeah if you can believe it, our extreme tolerance of the sh**ty situation HE put us into means we're getting kicked out.

My husband had to grovel and do a fake apology just so we had somewhere to live. God bless him (sarcasm) he decides to let us stay on for another lease on the condition that the rent is increased. In other words we're now paying extra to pay for his renovation - his problem that HE let get that bad out of greed. The whole thing gets my blood boiling again, honestly. It's people like this that are always in the positions of authority. You do what's right and still get punished. We're on a street of identical units and the rest of the neighbours pay less than us.

Anyway, sorry to the OP for hijacking his thread. I'm so glad for anyone that can afford to have their own home. I hope one day we can too. Living under real estates and landlords usually means living under psychopaths - they absolutely do not care about you.

 

[zipcodes]

Hi Bubblebeam,
Nice to meet you. Yes, Tassie will be a lot cooler and probably suit you a lot better from that point of view. Also house prices are lower and that should in turn mean that rents are lower. But I would be a bit concerned about finding enough work if I moved there. I don't know this for a fact, only what I've heard from a couple of people who've lived there.

Hi BayouWoman,
Good to hear from you. Sorry it took me a long time to post a reply. I have really enjoyed the questions you've asked me.

Sorry to hear that you had a friend who committed suicide too. I feel guilty about my friend and sometimes it's hard to live with.

 

[BayouWoman]

Good luck with moving Bubblebeam, I hope it works out well. Moving is always a big stressor for me! I have moved many times in my lifetime. Glad to be here and set down roots.

It does seem a lot of times to me too, that those with all the greed get all the authority, but I feel they will get their's in the end.

I don't know about the punishment part, I know it can seem sometimes that you do what's right and then are punished for it, but I think overall I am happier than a lot of people simply because I can live with myself. If you know what I mean.

Hi zipcodes,

It is good to here from you too! I know what you mean about the guilt being hard to live with. Then I tell myself (not always believing myself, mind you) that I guess I am not suppose to be finished here and they were and that is how it is so get on with it...like I said it doesn't always work though. Suicide haunts you in itself. Hope anyone contemplating suicide and reading these posts will reconsider....