Guys keep saying I'm a prude/boring for not sleeping with them right away...

[Stars]

Several guys I've met (mainly online)...if I don't sleep with them just because they find me attractive...I get berated and called a prude. Just cause I don't spread my legs the moment a man looks my direction doesn't make me a prude!
I'm starting to actually hate men...well, not hate, but a lot of guys...I tend to look at them like they're users, losers and manipulative. A lot of girls with low self-esteem and that are desperate; do anything a man says even if they are uncomfortable with it. I get lonely now and then but I have more self-respect than to let my body be used and open myself to the world of STDs and pregnancy which a lot of girls run into. It would emotionally traumatize me to be used like that.

It seems impossible...I hear people complaining about having to wait a month and how crazy that is...good god, it's going to be a long time for whoever is my next partner. I don't just sleep with anyone that looks attractive to me otherwise I would have slept with about a hundreds of people already!

I believe in love and when I'm ready then I'll be ready...it seems impossible to have that...then guys say, no sex = no love. Really? Then why are so many people not loving their one-night stands and girls that they've pumped and dumped. Pretty much everyone around me is a young single mom raising a baby on their own and the man ran away.

Of course, I believe if you love someone too you'll have sex...but of course that sex without love is possible as well...it's hard to find out what's real or not cause so many people are liars and think of only of themselves...people are so selfish...life is so short...why hurt others?? If some girl won't sleep with you then stop harassing her and find girls like yourself!! I don't try to change a player into a marrying man...I tell them upfront what I am and what I don't want (which is them)...then they berate me and try to change me which doesn't work!! Oy...when it comes to desperation...it is so unattractive and gross...makes me look down on them more...I find a lot of guys get angry at me (they don't even like me as a person...let alone love me...they feel entitled to my body) and their eyes bulging out...so grossss...puke...

And before anyone spazzes out...I'm not talking about ALL men...just THOSE men so if you're offended, maybe you're one of them??

 

[Tealeaf]

I hear you on that. If I didn't have some close male friends and family members who are intelligent, ethical human beings with more on their mind than getting laid, I'd probably write them all off as dogs. Experience hasn't been kind. I wouldn't care so much if they were always honest about their intentions and didn't look down their nose at people who don't feel that sex is the be-all and end-all of human interaction, but...

It's part of why I don't socialize much in classes even though I'd love to make friends there, help out the struggling students, and get some tips from the best. I just don't want any drama from people I have to face in my place of study, and the male-female ratio is skewed in favor of guys. I worry friendly conversation or a desire to help each other study would be misinterpreted and I'd open myself up to pressure.

Everyone wants an adventure and a bunch of stories to tell from college. The difference is that I don't want to have stories of wild parties and how much sex I had.

 

[jales]

I guess they say that to get you to open up and possibly have sex with them? Honestly no man ever told me that. But you are on the right track. I think the right guy won't pressure you.

But also I think it is not always necessary to make a guy wait. You will know what is right in a given situation. Trust your feelings.

 

[tom_lonely]

Several guys I've met (mainly online)...if I don't sleep with them just because they find me attractive...I get berated and called a prude. Just cause I don't spread my legs the moment a man looks my direction doesn't make me a prude!


...

...

As a male, I can definitely say men have a sex drive. Even as a married man sometimes I'll see a nice pair of legs walk by and my thoughts will stray.

The anonymity of the internet...and online dating sites, chat sites, forums, etc., make a lot of men bolder. They will say and do things that in real life they would never dream of actually saying or doing.

Any place that you can meet "nice guys" -- you are going to have to put up with the "not-so-nice-guys" as well. So wishing for it to change I don't think is realistic. But I hope venting helps you feel better. : )

I don't understand the mentality that if you don't spread your legs for a guy (online or in real life) it means you are a prude (or a lesbian). That is going to far, and any man who says that in my presence is going to have a problem with me.

A big part of the problem, and the source of this attitude, is pornography. Pornography is a total fantasy. It objectifies women, which is terrifying, because something that you objectify you can dispose of with no feeling. It is just a thing, to be used and discarded. Travelling down that road is the beginning of the end for mankind.

The porn industry portrays women as always horny, always willing, always willing to put out at the drop of a hat. They smile and seem to want it and enjoy it (whatever "it" happens to be). Pornography is stronger than crack for the mind...and it does affect those who watch it. I don't want to go into details, but I've struggled with these kinds of things for years. It is the reason for my loneliness and struggles with intimacy.

Thanks for posting on this issue.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'd rather be called names than to ever regret laying down with someone that I didn't love and care for. Call me every name in the book, it won't make me love and care for you enough to share something intimate.

 

[Okiedokes]

Some people definitely like to move fast. That is their choice though, I don't care what others do but when it comes to me.. it's a big no no as well. A month being a problem?? hah.... Well at least you know you can weed around the quick guys and the one who waits might be the one for you!

 

[perfanoff]

I tend to take things slowly (usually months.. I can imagine even up to a year), but when I feel a certain line has been crossed and I am sure I'm affectionate about her, I tend to escalate (or try doing so) pretty fast. If it works, fine, if it doesn't, I tend to cool off fast and possibly even abandon the friendship.

 

[Starman]

i'm a bit confused by this after your if men only like hot women thread

 

[Limlim]

Heh, nice observation Starman.

 

[Gutted]

Users, Losers And Mother ******* Abusers!

Welcome, To The 21st Century!

 

[kamya]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prude

A prude (Old French prude meaning honourable woman) [1] is a person who is described as (or would describe themselves as) being concerned with decorum or propriety, significantly in excess of normal prevailing community standards. They may be perceived as being more uncomfortable than most with sexuality or nudity.

By that definition yeah you would probably be considered a prude but who cares? All it means is you have higher standards for yourself than most other people.

Calling someone a prude is just a guilt/shaming tactic some jerks use to try to get you to do things you aren't comfortable with.

 

[Stars]

i'm a bit confused by this after your if men only like hot women thread

Guys in REAL LIFE (that are decent IMO and not say, homeless drug addicts that are cheaters as well etc) ignore me which was bothering me...cause those are the guys I'd like! Online guys from dating sites pretty much are desperate to get laid and a lot of them that I've met are psycho and berated me. If I had options, I wouldn't even bother trying to meet people from the online world given all my bad experiences.

Also, when meeting me they don't like me anyway unless it's for a quick lay which I don't want. I don't see why I should settle for that kind of attention??? Plenty of guys will bang anything that walks...doesn't mean that they find that person attractive etc but I'm not looking for that...I'm looking for something REAL and MEANINGFUL. I know someone personally that fucks anything that moves...he's done seniors, people he finds gross and disgusting and brags about how nasty he can get etc. I am not flattered by that, but rather, disgusted.
Anyone can attract a pig! I'm not interested or desiring to attract a pig!

What I'd like is a decent, normal guy...and again, back to my other thread...seems like the decent, normal guys that I would be happy to get to know actually care a lot about hotness. That explains my last thread.

This thread, I'm not talking about the good guys...I'm simply venting about the shitty ones that always end up in my face (the only ones that actually are interested in me but only to use me and throw away...that I wouldn't even date)...so there is a difference.

Thought I'd clarify to you and to the interesting comment posted right after. -_-

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Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts...I'm just bitter with my love life I guess lolol...it'll pass eventually...just a phase I go through now and then...

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Sorry again for the crazy recent posts...everyone around me keeps bragging about their happy relationships and questioning me so it's kinda triggering all this bitchiness...my moods come and go...I hope these bad feelings will pass soon...sorry again...

 

[Trent]

i expect heavy fornication and deep throat on the first date

actually, before dinner

or there is no dinner

 

[kamya]

Sorry again for the crazy recent posts...everyone around me keeps bragging about their happy relationships and questioning me so it's kinda triggering all this bitchiness...my moods come and go...I hope these bad feelings will pass soon...sorry again...

*hugs* It's ok that's what this place is for. I'm sure there are quite a few people that can relate to your threads.

 

[IgnoredOne]

And businesses call you greedy for not giving them money.

 

[Limlim]

Thought I'd clarify to you and to the interesting comment posted right after. -_-

Thanks for clarifying! Most people just get pissed when brought into question like that. You pretty much just answered what I wanted to know.

 

[Lonely in BC]

This is a really good thread Star. I wouldn't get too hung up on guys coming across with the prude/boring thing (I can see you haven't, good for you) as it seems like they're not interested in developing a relationship, more hoping to fall into one (or at least convince you to fall into bed and if something more develops.....).

I'd pretty much decided quite awhile ago that I was done with any kind of relationship- I was focused solely on my daughter, work (shift work is not really conducive to trying to start a relationship anyway), and living an otherwise solitary life....it worked well for me.

Then I met someone (here amazingly enough) that has changed my perception of relationships, of how to start one, and what I want out of them. I'm glad that we learned as much as we did about each other before exchanging pictures (unless she'd already checked me out in the faces thread and fell head over heels as soon as she saw how dam sexy I am- lol)- "(S)He saw that face and lost all control..." to steal/mangle a line from a Bob Segar song

We both agree that the way we've met and continue to grow "together" before I fly out to see her is likely the best way for us to start this really incredible journey. It's been easier to talk to each other about the not so great moments we've both had in our lives and the direction we both see ourselves going over the phone and through emails than it would have been if we'd met face to face initially- both of us suffer from shyness to some degree and it would have been very difficult to open up the way we have. When we talk it's about absolutely everything, when we finally do meet its going to be great to have little pressure regarding expectations hovering in the background.

Wow, guess I got carried away again- I guess the point I was trying to make Star is that not every guy is just looking for a quick lay, hopefully you'll stumble across someone the way I (we) did, form that friendship and find out you have a lot in common, and realize that it will become more in the future.