Hello everyone...Here I go

[Guest]

Hello to all! I really don't know how to begin, but here I go. My name is Sébastien, I'm 20 and live in France. My parents are American so I'm fluent in French and English. It's really hard for me to give a description of myself, because I always want to give a true image of myself to others. I'm terribly afraid of appearing obnoxious or haughty, and I'm definitely not like that.
I'm extremely lonely and haven't had anything like a "best friend" or girlfriend ever.
I've been terribly depressed for the last five years, but I daresay I've never really been happy in my life. Things just haven't gone too well for me. I have no grandparents. Both my parents are alcoholics, and are drunk usually 4 days a week...They are verbally abusive; my father and I have even fistfought several times (I was trying to keep him from going downtown and getting drunk again -- strangers always bring him back or I have to go look for him, which embarrasses me terribly). My father's alcoholism went even worse after he became handicapped because of a stupid surgical operation. Three weeks ago he actually cut his wrists and was sent to a hospital and all, maybe because my mother had finally decided to leave him.
As for me, I'm constantly tormented by my own self-awareness and self-depreciation. The only good thing about it is that I'm first in my class -- but I also dread being second. I 'd love to read and write poetry, but never am able to because I'm scared it won't be any good, that my imagination is too weak or my words too commonplace. It seems I've built a perfect wall around myself that prevents me from doing what I'd like and especially meeting people. Everyone seems shallow to me. I really wish to have true friends, ones I wouldn't have to lie to, with whom I could be myself, think, write...
I live on film music (John Williams especially), movies (I'm a real film buff), poetry and philosophy.
I'd really love to talk to anyone who shares the same feelings ; or share to others some of the knowledge I've acquired to fight against depression. There's a lot more I'd like to say... If anyone here would like to talk to me, please answer (I'm normally inscribed in the forum under the name Farawyn, but am still waiting for the activation code).

 

[alexp]

Hello, Farawyn.

My life is different from yours. but my life has be very difficult and hard too. please read all my post. all the post under "alexp"
in page 1 and page 2 of this forum!

I can understand so so so much of what has happened to u and your family. I have very big family problems too; from when i was a child till now. 27 years, problems problems... And i feel so embarrassed too.

Anyhow, all i want to say is, I'm now trying to continue to be a Good man. Thats it. I know i am not 100% perfect man, and some times i do wrong things. But at least i keep try to be better or stay just humble and peaceful. I love myself and want to just relax.

Life is a very powerful thing. It is everywhere at anytime. It is not just about humans. Life is about the Trees and Flowers and even the little little animals or insects. Try to focus less on humans and more on other living things with life. Fish, butterflies or even the SUN!
Please try to go out and sit around a garden or near the forest. Stay there more and look up the sky and beautiful clouds. Don't think too much about human society. Because humans are just crazy!

Anyway, wait patiently for a good person to come into your life, try to smile more and show him enough friendship. But don't think too much, coz not every friends are forever. But YOU YOURSELF is forever, so just wait for new friends to meet you in the future, and they will be glad that one day, they find someone so GOOD like u living in this world!

Remember to read my hard life stories and remember to go out and walk along with LIFE. trust me , and go do it today

Alexp

 

[Robin]

Wow, Sébastien, You are another truly strong guy; having two alcoholic parents seems to me like the worst thing You can have, even worse than having none at all. I'm very impressed by how calm You are when You write all this stuff.

Ha! Obnoxious or haughty, You say? I'm probably the most hayghty person around here and You seem as far away from that as i can imagine. We are around 500 people registered here now and there are 500 different reasons why we all got here. Your and my story are not too different; me having parents who i blame for most bad stuff in my life and You having parents who are most of the bad stuff in Your life (of course though taking notice of what You say about Your moments with Your mother apart from this).

You definitely seem fit and intelligent enough to understand that the mental wall You got 'round Yourself is the perfect, if not only, defense against a situation such as Yours. I'm 95% sure You're actually living with Your parents, You seem to talk about them as the only people around You, i mean. If this is true then i'm sure that You understand perfectly fine by Yourself that You got to start Your own life without a wall around You which keep both the bad and the good out. Since You already are 20 years old i'm sure You aren't far from taking that step.

I am not going to lie and say that i know the perfect solution for You, not that i would think You'd need one just yet, but i would gladly add You to my pen(keyboard)-pal list of people i hope i can help at least a little bit, somehow. =)

You could send me Your e-mail in a private message if You'd think this would be a good idea.

Welcome to a great community for expressing Yourself!