Hell's terminal, open til dawn.

[beingnobody]

9PM my time, this Indiana cornfield. This time of day, waiting for the refuge and sanctuary of sleep, is the loneliest and darkest period of every day. Sleep never comes easy to me, at least not without chemical assistance, which i am unable to obtain through my doctors because they view me as an imminent suicide due to previous attempts(2) using sleeping and pain pills.

Anytime I go to doctor office now it is mandated I spend some time speaking to whichever mental health provider is on duty.

So usually I spend the majority of every night lying alone thrashing about, anxious, exhausted, over thinking, over analyzing, scrutinizing, dissecting existence.

Miserable, lost, afraid of emptiness, if that makes any sense.

And before anyone even starts, I am NOT a "believer", so let's keep that in mind for future reference.

It may some nite be topic of its own in my transient and irreverent ramblings...

So, the darkened hours are for me, typically introspection, reflection, and communion with creatures of the night, and occasionally, shamelessly, creatures of imagination and perception, which I always recognize as purely deception.

Sooo, off I go to tempt the pillow phantom...

 

[user 139760]

Poet. Much respect for it. My heart goes out to you in sympathy and camaraderie.

 

[user 176211]

I have battled this. Your post struck a chord with me because providers don´t really give me anything helpful either. I know that Melatonin gummies from the pharmacy have helped a lot. And I feel a little silly giving you advice because it sounds like you have been through it, probably a lot worse than I. But still, I´d like to give it a shot.

What stood out to me is the over analyzing stuff you mentioned. I dont know why I did it, but one day I just sat up at the edge of my bed. I started to breathe in heavy, and release through my mouth. And i kept repeating that. I also let my shoulder slump and hang heavy. Not sure why, but it makes my shoulders feel amazing, like getting a massage, but no one is there. I notice that a combination of breathing and slumping my shoulders usually makes me feel sleepy within a few minutes. I sit in the dark at the edge of my bed and do that to relax myself to sleep. I hope you get some use out of that if you choose to try it.

I wish you peace.

 

[StarDust]

In the dark of the night, there is a silent whisper, riding on a faint breeze, cascading through the air. A hand softly rests on the heart, the eyes see no more. Breath, to be tender and at ease. One can then feel the night air dances, as the silent whisper sings a lullaby.

 

[beingnobody]

I have battled this. Your post struck a chord with me because providers don´t really give me anything helpful either. I know that Melatonin gummies from the pharmacy have helped a lot. And I feel a little silly giving you advice because it sounds like you have been through it, probably a lot worse than I. But still, I´d like to give it a shot.

What stood out to me is the over analyzing stuff you mentioned. I dont know why I did it, but one day I just sat up at the edge of my bed. I started to breathe in heavy, and release through my mouth. And i kept repeating that. I also let my shoulder slump and hang heavy. Not sure why, but it makes my shoulders feel amazing, like getting a massage, but no one is there. I notice that a combination of breathing and slumping my shoulders usually makes me feel sleepy within a few minutes. I sit in the dark at the edge of my bed and do that to relax myself to sleep. I hope you get some use out of that if you choose to try it.

I wish you peace.

Thank you. Yes I use breathing techniques to çalm me when it gets really bad. Meditation