FillyTheBish
Active member
Hi, my name is Lee
I live in the UK in the countryside.
I'm 26, 6'1".
I have no idea why I have always been lonely, it's like a feeling rather than a physical state.
I'm a student studying software engineering at University with people I like.
I train in boxing and jujitsu with people I like and exercise almost daily.
I've just ended a 4 year relationship that was torture towards the end, with someone that I now realise didn't realy like me and I was just someone they could use and throw away.
I was never a very social person or very confident in social situations and thats probably why I have no proper friends and hate going out to socialise. But since my breakup I feel that I cannot trust anyone with my feelings. I am keeping everything bottled up and I hate it.
But recently things have got hard, I feel the loneliness like never before, like a band tightening around my chest. It hurts deep, like in my heart, like I know there is something I want, but I can't put my finger on it. It follows me everyday like a cloud.
I have lurked here for a while, I know others have got it worse than me, but I can tell you that being in a relationship and having an active life can be just as lonely as being alone. All the psychologists say get out more, exercise, well it doesn't work believe me.
My lonelyness seems to stem from the fact that I never feel any connection at all towards other people. I am not an emotional black hole, but I just can't seem to find other peoples company enjoyable or meaningful and it hurts. I can be in a room with 15 people I know quite well and feel like I'm not actualy there, like I'm a drone just going through the motions and I can't wait to leave.
I feel like a social retard, stuck in a catch 22 where I hate being lonely, but I also hate going out and trying to connect with others.
I'm sure others feel the same, which is why I joined here.
Thanks for reading my rant.
I hope to shed some light on my lonelyness "illness" during my visits here.
I live in the UK in the countryside.
I'm 26, 6'1".
I have no idea why I have always been lonely, it's like a feeling rather than a physical state.
I'm a student studying software engineering at University with people I like.
I train in boxing and jujitsu with people I like and exercise almost daily.
I've just ended a 4 year relationship that was torture towards the end, with someone that I now realise didn't realy like me and I was just someone they could use and throw away.
I was never a very social person or very confident in social situations and thats probably why I have no proper friends and hate going out to socialise. But since my breakup I feel that I cannot trust anyone with my feelings. I am keeping everything bottled up and I hate it.
But recently things have got hard, I feel the loneliness like never before, like a band tightening around my chest. It hurts deep, like in my heart, like I know there is something I want, but I can't put my finger on it. It follows me everyday like a cloud.
I have lurked here for a while, I know others have got it worse than me, but I can tell you that being in a relationship and having an active life can be just as lonely as being alone. All the psychologists say get out more, exercise, well it doesn't work believe me.
My lonelyness seems to stem from the fact that I never feel any connection at all towards other people. I am not an emotional black hole, but I just can't seem to find other peoples company enjoyable or meaningful and it hurts. I can be in a room with 15 people I know quite well and feel like I'm not actualy there, like I'm a drone just going through the motions and I can't wait to leave.
I feel like a social retard, stuck in a catch 22 where I hate being lonely, but I also hate going out and trying to connect with others.
I'm sure others feel the same, which is why I joined here.
Thanks for reading my rant.
I hope to shed some light on my lonelyness "illness" during my visits here.
