S
suna
Guest
hey all... lol
well i got to know this forum from a friend, well, an ex-friend. o.o
but yea he kind of posted a pretty depressing thread in here and he wanted me to read it, that was ... a month ago i think...
i dont know why i am back here again. i just want to know what other people are thinking, about the ways one should face the world, adversities and so on.
i love my mom and dad, i thought i was the happiest kid on earth back then, and later i knew that the naive thinking was only because of my ignorance. they left each other for stupid reasons, and remarried for an even more stupid reasons. during the whole time i tried to be silent, pretended i didnt care, and i worked hard trying to prove that i am worthy, trying to tell them be mature and stop all these. couldnt we stay nicely together as a family?
maybe because of my friend left, maybe because i wanted to escape i left my own country at age of 15 and i ve been studying on scholarship for all these years. everyone says i am simple and happy, and i have a 'life'. i dont deny it, i dont deny the fact that i ve tried hard all these years and maybe obtained something others may not have. but yea the year before last year parents divorced again. kind of funny isnt it. now i feel they are better off separated.
and again i could do nothing about it.
in fact i may be able to do a lot of things, but just cannot do the things i want to do. i stretch out my own hands and stare at them, knowing i am as powerless as the 12 year old me and for 8 years i ve done nothing.
i used to love drawing, i used to love writing stories, but now i m here, outside, and i have no home to return to. mom doesn't really care as long as she can happily play her cyber games, dad s remarried and happy now too. and yea suna, << this isnt my name is this my best friend's name but she disappeared too, like i cant contact her through her phone or anything anymore. slowly i lost my interests in everything, like the world cannot be trusted, and everything is just fading away. but still i have to do my job, study and work, and be functional no matter what...
the person that showed me this forum thinks i am cold blooded, thinks that i dont know that people want to be taken care of... is that so, or is it that i am just too **** weak to feel anything anymore?
yea i have friends, i am still in school, but whoever i am with, i know i am alone, they are all happy people with real 'lives' because i am always in top schools. i happened to know this guy from a cyber game i played, well he likes to ignore me but ... i dont know maybe i thought he might be someone that can understand all these crap... and again i feel if i can do something to make a difference in his life... cut this cut this... dont feel like saying all these just...
i know whatever i ve been through, is really really REALLY NOTHING. and i know why dad laughs at me saying i am pathetically weak it's just the beginning.
i am just quite sick of wandering around like this everyday, staring at the sky till the morning, it's my own fault that i dont trust anything, it's my own fault that i push people away using my politeness. and i ve determined to end everything when my parents pass away. i just fear that before that, i still cannot do anything...
bunch of more dumb things happened during the 8 years since i opened my eyes too, just dont feel like mentioning them...
i dont think i have a dream or something. i can only sit on the floor and cry over the fact that i want a family, and still being cold to people around me. maybe i am really coldblooded, why cant i smile for real when you say i am cute? lol...
phew... sometimes i feel i should find something to 'risk my life for' like die protecting someone... so i can really end this.
=)
just some little complains.
well i got to know this forum from a friend, well, an ex-friend. o.o
but yea he kind of posted a pretty depressing thread in here and he wanted me to read it, that was ... a month ago i think...
i dont know why i am back here again. i just want to know what other people are thinking, about the ways one should face the world, adversities and so on.
i love my mom and dad, i thought i was the happiest kid on earth back then, and later i knew that the naive thinking was only because of my ignorance. they left each other for stupid reasons, and remarried for an even more stupid reasons. during the whole time i tried to be silent, pretended i didnt care, and i worked hard trying to prove that i am worthy, trying to tell them be mature and stop all these. couldnt we stay nicely together as a family?
maybe because of my friend left, maybe because i wanted to escape i left my own country at age of 15 and i ve been studying on scholarship for all these years. everyone says i am simple and happy, and i have a 'life'. i dont deny it, i dont deny the fact that i ve tried hard all these years and maybe obtained something others may not have. but yea the year before last year parents divorced again. kind of funny isnt it. now i feel they are better off separated.
and again i could do nothing about it.
in fact i may be able to do a lot of things, but just cannot do the things i want to do. i stretch out my own hands and stare at them, knowing i am as powerless as the 12 year old me and for 8 years i ve done nothing.
i used to love drawing, i used to love writing stories, but now i m here, outside, and i have no home to return to. mom doesn't really care as long as she can happily play her cyber games, dad s remarried and happy now too. and yea suna, << this isnt my name is this my best friend's name but she disappeared too, like i cant contact her through her phone or anything anymore. slowly i lost my interests in everything, like the world cannot be trusted, and everything is just fading away. but still i have to do my job, study and work, and be functional no matter what...
the person that showed me this forum thinks i am cold blooded, thinks that i dont know that people want to be taken care of... is that so, or is it that i am just too **** weak to feel anything anymore?
yea i have friends, i am still in school, but whoever i am with, i know i am alone, they are all happy people with real 'lives' because i am always in top schools. i happened to know this guy from a cyber game i played, well he likes to ignore me but ... i dont know maybe i thought he might be someone that can understand all these crap... and again i feel if i can do something to make a difference in his life... cut this cut this... dont feel like saying all these just...
i know whatever i ve been through, is really really REALLY NOTHING. and i know why dad laughs at me saying i am pathetically weak it's just the beginning.
i am just quite sick of wandering around like this everyday, staring at the sky till the morning, it's my own fault that i dont trust anything, it's my own fault that i push people away using my politeness. and i ve determined to end everything when my parents pass away. i just fear that before that, i still cannot do anything...
bunch of more dumb things happened during the 8 years since i opened my eyes too, just dont feel like mentioning them...
i dont think i have a dream or something. i can only sit on the floor and cry over the fact that i want a family, and still being cold to people around me. maybe i am really coldblooded, why cant i smile for real when you say i am cute? lol...
phew... sometimes i feel i should find something to 'risk my life for' like die protecting someone... so i can really end this.
=)
just some little complains.