dd11
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- Jun 20, 2015
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Hi guys, thought I would share some of my experiences and "wisdom" regarding how NOT to make friends, lol. Too me some years to learn a better approach.
1. Too Serious - I am an introvert and I enjoy pondering the "deep meaning and questions of life". I like discussing things like "why do we exist", does God exist, why is there so much suffering in the world, why are we here and on and on. I can talk about philosophy, theology, for hours. And, it never really occurred to me when I was younger that there are a lot of people who actually do not lie awake at night thinking of these things! lol I mean, I guess I used to assume that others had similar thoughts. Part of my "awakening" was realizing that they don't. And, that I had to kind of temper this in starting new friendships. That I needed to keep it light and slowly build a friendship and see where it goes.
2. TMI - This is kind of the same thing in a different way. But, I used to think that sharing one's personal truths was a good way to connect with people. And, it is. But the timing has to be right. I tended to overshare too much of myself too early. I think that tends to scare people off. What you view as sharing your personal truth sometimes is interpreted as being too needy or negative or whatever.
3. Too fast - Take your time - I have found that in order to build friendships, I had to take it slow and begin with several positive, light interactions. If you feel a connection to someone whom you would like to be a friend, it helps to just let it develop over a few meetings. Like maybe you both have kids in the same sport or something. I have found that if you proceed to quickly, that seems to be too much for some people.
4. Too Much - It is important to give people space as well. I tend to prefer having much closer friendships with less friends. But, there are people who really might want to be friends but they don't want a BFF type friendship. I have learned that it is OK and enjoyable to have a "movies friend" or a "ski buddy" and that is the go to person for those activities but maybe I dont' really see them any other time.
Anyway, those are some of the things I have learned. If anyone has any other suggestions I would love to hear them.
1. Too Serious - I am an introvert and I enjoy pondering the "deep meaning and questions of life". I like discussing things like "why do we exist", does God exist, why is there so much suffering in the world, why are we here and on and on. I can talk about philosophy, theology, for hours. And, it never really occurred to me when I was younger that there are a lot of people who actually do not lie awake at night thinking of these things! lol I mean, I guess I used to assume that others had similar thoughts. Part of my "awakening" was realizing that they don't. And, that I had to kind of temper this in starting new friendships. That I needed to keep it light and slowly build a friendship and see where it goes.
2. TMI - This is kind of the same thing in a different way. But, I used to think that sharing one's personal truths was a good way to connect with people. And, it is. But the timing has to be right. I tended to overshare too much of myself too early. I think that tends to scare people off. What you view as sharing your personal truth sometimes is interpreted as being too needy or negative or whatever.
3. Too fast - Take your time - I have found that in order to build friendships, I had to take it slow and begin with several positive, light interactions. If you feel a connection to someone whom you would like to be a friend, it helps to just let it develop over a few meetings. Like maybe you both have kids in the same sport or something. I have found that if you proceed to quickly, that seems to be too much for some people.
4. Too Much - It is important to give people space as well. I tend to prefer having much closer friendships with less friends. But, there are people who really might want to be friends but they don't want a BFF type friendship. I have learned that it is OK and enjoyable to have a "movies friend" or a "ski buddy" and that is the go to person for those activities but maybe I dont' really see them any other time.
Anyway, those are some of the things I have learned. If anyone has any other suggestions I would love to hear them.