I am seriously considering resigning myself to being alone.

[SophiaGrace]

*shrugs-indifferently*

Now I ask myself, what I want from life, if not a partner. Where will I draw my strength and self-esteem from?

Probably my job. School. My family.

 

[ShybutHi]

I gave up a long time ago. For me it's just because I dont think im even remotely attractive to the opposite sex in any way, shy, completely inexperienced with relationship's and cant take a hint if a girl like's me anyway... basically I have no chance.

 

[kaede]

Hi Sophia, I have wondered the same thing...and I wonder if I will ever have another relationship, and if not, I identified the same three things to focus on as you did...career, education, family (and friends). But even when I devote energy to these areas it doesn't fill the void of not having a partner. I think working on career & education helps with maintaining self-esteem, so i will continue to work on myself in that way even just to keep busy and keep developing myself and keep my mind occupied. Spending time with friends and family hasn't taken away the loneliness either. I would really like to feel at peace with the idea of being alone forever, but for some reason I am not able to feel that way...yet. Maybe eventually....until then it will continue to be a challenge for me.

 

[ShybutHi]

Hi Sophia, I have wondered the same thing...and I wonder if I will ever have another relationship, and if not, I identified the same three things to focus on as you did...career, education, family (and friends). But even when I devote energy to these areas it doesn't fill the void of not having a partner. I think working on career & education helps with maintaining self-esteem, so i will continue to work on myself in that way even just to keep busy and keep developing myself and keep my mind occupied. Spending time with friends and family hasn't taken away the loneliness either. I would really like to feel at peace with the idea of being alone forever, but for some reason I am not able to feel that way...yet. Maybe eventually....until then it will continue to be a challenge for me.

Yeah Kaede this is how I view thing's also and feel the same way, I have just been doing things to try and help myself. Even though there is a plethora of friend's and family in my life there just seem's to be this void. I see a few friend's really often but most of my friend's now have partner's, infact probably atleast 95% of them do and at the end of the day im the one with no-one to go home with or to.

Peace with the idea of being alone would indeed be great but unfortunatly this is simply not going to be the case, atleast for me it's not anyway at this stage of my life. It's natural for human's to want a partner and ofcourse while some people truly are content with their singledom, without a doubt most people are not content with it.

 

[Rosalyn]

Please don't! You seem like an interesting and nice girl, maybe you've just been unlucky? It seems like their loss if somebody just left you. If you wanna talk about it, I'm often around. Actually, I was really hoping sometime I'd see you on MSN, but I still never did. :<

 

[LucieMay]

Hi Sophia, I have wondered the same thing...and I wonder if I will ever have another relationship, and if not, I identified the same three things to focus on as you did...career, education, family (and friends). But even when I devote energy to these areas it doesn't fill the void of not having a partner. I think working on career & education helps with maintaining self-esteem, so i will continue to work on myself in that way even just to keep busy and keep developing myself and keep my mind occupied. Spending time with friends and family hasn't taken away the loneliness either. I would really like to feel at peace with the idea of being alone forever, but for some reason I am not able to feel that way...yet. Maybe eventually....until then it will continue to be a challenge for me.

This.

I don't think it is about finding something that will fill the void of a partner, it is about having enough in your life to sustain you until you find that person. Many of us have periods in our life where we are alone. You can still want someone while living well on your own. I've recently spent 15 months alone between relationships and have spent a lot of my adult life single. The love of friends and family has always sustained me through the darkest times, particularly from my son. However dark and hopeless it felt (and it felt really bad at times), he alone was reason enough to get up in a morning and carry on. Regularly hearing "I love you" is enough to keep one connecting to humanity, whether it comes from a child or a friend or a parent. It doesn't replace the love of a partner, but it is enough to keep you alive and functioning and provides some happiness.

If you are alone, work on the love with your friends and family- positive and supportive human contact- as they will keep your heart alive. Things like hobbies and a career are good way to keep busy, but they aren't enough to sustain one emotionally nor be a reason to get up every morning.

 

[Why_Me]

Funny how this world turns, you know?

I had an encounter of chance with a female. Long story short, we start texting and emailing, we work in the same town, she is single and telling me how alone she was and I am telling her how alone I am. She is 34 and thinking she might never find THE one, I am 43 and drowning in loneliness.

She knew I was married but seriously separated and I never EVER insinuated, suggested or implied to take it to another level.
I only offered to her an ear and a beer. Not a joke, just words mixing here. I wanted a friend and to be one.

She said I had a drama in my life and that she had her own. You have to respect that. No problems here.

But why in this world does a relationship between a woman and a man have to carry this burden of one "thinking" that the other wants to get in her/his pants?
The funny thing is that I told her that I really don't like to dwell into "my" drama, as it brings me pain, mental and physical.
Our encounter was a cyber one, didn't know what she looked like. Big, small, black, white, yellow, green, tall, short, nothing at all. She said she always felt inferior to her friends in the look department. That she will go out with friends and all her friends were asked out aftwerwards and she NEVER gets asked out.
I told her how shallow that was and it is what it is for some people. After sometime of listening to her, I ask her to send me a pic. She did and I told her (honestly with no agenda) that some of my friends would "drop their jaws over hot charcoals" after seeing someone like her. I ask her why on earth she could torture herself on looks when she had nothing to be ashamed off.
Apparently she took it as me being to coming on too strong.

I figured, words on text are just cold and un-expressive maybe a misunderstanding.
So I sked her if I could call her to put words in the right context. She took it as the second wave of coming on too strong.

Nope, she ask me not to text or email her again and rejected my willingness to be friendly.
How can someone that says she is so lonely and suffering from social disconnect reject a helping hand? It hurt me, it really did.
I just wanted to have a friend to talk movies, music, books, sports, etc. your everyday stuff and if need be, be there for the other. That was it, plain and simple.

So you see the irony, a lot of us here are looking for someone to talk to and then there are others that claim they do, when presented with an honest opportunity they discard it like yesterday's paper.
Life is not fair at all.

 

[septicemia]

Sophia its a false idea that one pulls strength and self esteem from others, all that comes from within. Not that I have done a lot, but none of the great things that I have done in life, that I get a real sense of self worth and an honestly earned pride, none had anything to do with any man.

Its a proven fact that the best way to help feel better about ones self is to help someone/something that is worse off than you. In general I find animals much easier to be around than people. When I have the space available, and the funds, I do animal rescue. I rehome when I possible, otherwise they live their lives out here knowing health, safety, and love. Right now both of the rescues I have are old and looking like they will be here till they die of old age. I know I am extremely lucky to be able to do this myself in my own home, and I know that others are not so lucky. There are humane societies and legitimate rescues everywhere in this country. There are also disgusting hoarders calling themselves rescues, its good to learn the differences between the two before setting out to find a rescue to help out at. I would guess any rescue with animals on petfinder are good because they are actively looking to rehome.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I am finding my volunteer job immensely rewarding at the moment.

 

[cool_breeze]

I am finding my volunteer job immensely rewarding at the moment.

Sophia that's great. What would you say are the main reasons you are alone? Just unlucky/not finding what you want? Or something preventing you? Just wondering. I think sometimes it's in our control, something we can change about ourselves. Otherwise it can be just simply not finding what we are looking for. That's great about your volunteer job though! Nice.

 

[IgnoredOne]

For what it is worth, I find that aggressive pursuit of a career and a singleminded goal to succeed can /indeed/ replace everything else. Self-worth can, for myself at the least, be instrinsically tied to asset value.

Its hard to argue that you're worthless when you objectively hold more influence through possession of a liquid form of power(money) than others.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I thought about being alone...but i know me.
I'm a chick magnet. Its the women that I'm attract to though.
And I still suffer from the I'll show you ***** syndrom (meaning I can do better..babe)
The Ironic twist is...I'm more of a one man one woman kind of guy, relationship
and only wish and want to be with one woman.
The circumstances or relationship break up and coping with the pains and losing
the woman I love...I ended up going through countless women to lessen the pains
Being single and dating is a distraction to me...same as pursuing a career or whatever.
While the life style at certain stages of my life some people might not approve of,
it's either that or stay home stairing at the four walls continplating suicide.
it's a weird feeling to cuddle and hold a woman that I barely know after having sex with her.
I don't love her nor have much feelings for her. She probably feels the same way about me.
Just for a while...a one night stand, a weekend rendezous or even threesomes
seeking comfort in arms of strangers. It's a lonely feeling at the other end of the stick sometimes.
Some might say wow...he's such a stud getting plenty of women.
I only want one woman...I want her and I cant have her so i have to settle for alot of women.
My life had been a little strange at the very least.
Im worth alot...evidently plenty of women still wants me.
I just want to be worth a lot to her.

I certainly cant hate myself...cuz all that would do is make me feel bad about myself.
Then all that would do is make depress or hurt myself.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I find it interesting to think that in many ways, a career /is/ a relationship. And if it is something that you plan on dedicating yourself for the rest of your life, then a career is essentially a kind of marriage. The investment into it is certainly comparable.

 

[septicemia]

Sophia thats fantastic! What sort of work are you doing?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Each to their own. Just remember if we cannot draw our self-esteem from within ourselves. We will always be doomed to lose it in some way.

 

[athwart]

*shrugs-indifferently*

Now I ask myself, what I want from life, if not a partner. Where will I draw my strength and self-esteem from?

Probably my job. School. My family.

Sophia,

Although I spend most of my time lurking, I do know a little of you and who you are, and some of your personal circumstances. Don't resign yourself to being alone. You don't want to miss that opportunity when a special someone comes along.

Same goes for all of you, actually.

IMHO

 

[Bishop]

I suffered a lot before I got to where I am; the trauma of failure at love was something I thought was eroding my psyche but I think now that these blows have actually sharpened it. I'm at a point in my life where I've not given up on finding that one person but rather I don't really care if I do. I think it's because the pursuits I've undertaken while waiting for "the one" molded me into a person I really like and I didn't realize it until very recently.

Just "keep on keepin' on;" lament not what you lack and appreciate what you have.

 

[LostInside]

I am also wondering why bother anymore.

I am definitely not an attractive adult male. I've only ever hate a few really brief relationships and I am just not good at them. The overwhelming majority of women look at me like I am some sort of second class human, so why bother?

 

[labelsorlove3]

I'm sure you are attractive. I've had a few long-term relationships and I'm also not good at relationships. No one should ever make you feel like you are inferior and if anything the girls that judge you that way are the second class humans. You have to bother because it only takes one girl to change your life and make you realize that there are good people out there. You could date hundreds of girls that aren't right for you, but every time those relationships don't work out for you- it just gets you a little closer to what you are really looking for!

I am also wondering why bother anymore.

I am definitely not an attractive adult male. I've only ever hate a few really brief relationships and I am just not good at them. The overwhelming majority of women look at me like I am some sort of second class human, so why bother?

 

[user 8168]

I know this may sound cliched, but don't give up. I'm almost 27, and until recently I had never been on a date, never kissed a girl, you name it, I hadn't done it. I'm not very attractive, I wear glasses and I started going bald when I was 18. I thought no one would ever find my attractive. Then I met someone via the internet, who actually liked me for me. First time thats ever happened. So we had two months of emails, then we met, and now she's now my girlfriend. She knew I'd never done anything with a girl before and she was really understanding about it. So don't give up people! I thought exactly the same thing as you guys, that I'd be alone forever and no one would ever like me. But there is seriously someone out there for everybody. Good luck