I feel like crying ;-;

[Estreen]

I've worked real hard to try to get this Christmas trip to London going (as most of you know from another post of mine), I've had to work on my parents getting to support me on it and researching ticket prices, finding my passport, etc. I decided to go, and I really want to, or...wanted to.

How am I supposed to feel when my bf only says "It's up to you" and talks about using the time to catch up on sleep pretty much; I'll be too excited to sleep. He says he's apathetic to everything right now, but.... >.< Argh, I just feel very under appreciated and at this point, kinda unloved. Just the way in which he said it...like it doesn't matter, only if I want to. He's not excited, doesn't really care one way or the other...and I'm tired of it. I'm not sure if I'll cancel it yet, but thinking about it.

I just found out that he's had a hard time sleeping lately and I felt bad and told him he could look for ways to try to relax and get to sleep but he "doesn't have the time" but he has the time to hang out with Dan everyday, to watch Lost and movies every night, but not enough time to take 15 minutes out and like Google up some remedies or something. He doesn't seem to really want to help himself, and by this point, I just have my own needs that aren't being fulfilled.

I can't remember the last time he actually seemed/sounded happy or excited to talk to me or see me online. This whole past week/week and a half he sounds distant, distracted, and he's not very talkative. To some of you guys I probably sound too clingy, perhaps even annoying, and I would agree, except that this is a long distance relationship, so its not like I get to see him whenever I want. If I did get to see him in person regularly, then I wouldn't care about how he acts on messenger. It's been a long time since we've had a phone conversation too, because he doesn't like talking on the phone whilst at Uni. Although, he didn't seem to care much for talking on the phone at all when he was back home either.

I accept that he can be like this sometimes, and I usually try to be as understanding as possible and be there for him, but it always backfires on me, and damnit I have needs too. This kind of stuff seems to always happen, and I'm just tired of it. He just doesn't even seem to care. No, I'm not breaking up with him, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I don't even feel like talking to him now, and he seems just fine with that.

 

[Lexicon Devil]

sometimes guys like a bit of space, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, its just the way guys are. Give him space and he'll come running back, they always do.

 

[Unacceptance]

I don't think it would be hard for you to find someone to practically worship you, let alone appreciate you. (Least from what I hear)

So *shrug* if you want to stick with it, I would logically think that you will have to learn to put up with it if you cannot remedy it.

 

[Estreen]

That's the thing; I have given him his space. I wasn't on really for the past few days, and when I was on, I didn't press for a convo. I really respect his feelings and only want to be there for him. He gets upset with me though if I'm not online for a whole day. It's like...he doesn't really care to talk or say much, yet if I'm not around he gets pissy.

 

[Lexicon Devil]

have you ever met this guy before? or is it an online relationship?

 

[Sanal]

What I think is he is too upset that he is helpless (well thats my guess that he is unable to help) and whenever he see you online or whenever he is distracted he gets into this embarassed mood by realizing the truth that he s unable to help you. So obviously to hide that embarassment he acts distracted or this embarassment make him 'not happy' when he see you. But I didnt mean that its your fault and that doesnt mean you should stop talking. Dont misunderstand. I mean its just a normal thing. Once you get there to London, everything will be fine. Dont Worry. You just worry too much. Thats it.(i still dont know how do you know he is distracted when you say its been a long time since you had a phone conversation but i assume its a webcam chat)

 

[Estreen]

I don't think it would be hard for you to find someone to practically worship you, let alone appreciate you. (Least from what I hear)

So *shrug* if you want to stick with it, I would logically think that you will have to learn to put up with it if you cannot remedy it.

Well, at first, sure. Even my bf was all lovey dovey, etc for the first year or so, but as time goes by...I dunno. I understand, guys are different from women and I don't expect it 24/7, but just a little romanticism goes a long way. Once a week, a few times a month maybe? I dunno.

You're right though...I've been trying to find a way for myself to put up with it, but I'm just so exasperated this time 'round.

 

[Estreen]

have you ever met this guy before? or is it an online relationship?

Yes, we've met. It's wonderful in person. Although, the most we time spent consecutively was 3 weeks, but its so much better than the online stuff. We've been together for some time (4 years) so I dunno.

 

[Estreen]

What I think is he is too upset that he is helpless (well thats my guess that he is unable to help) and whenever he see you online or whenever he is distracted he gets into this embarassed mood by realizing the truth that he s unable to help you. So obviously to hide that embarassment he acts distracted or this embarassment make him 'not happy' when he see you. But I didnt mean that its your fault and that doesnt mean you should stop talking. Dont misunderstand. I mean its just a normal thing. Once you get there to London, everything will be fine. Dont Worry. You just worry too much. Thats it.(i still dont know how do you know he is distracted when you say its been a long time since you had a phone conversation but i assume its a webcam chat)

Well, I've talked to him for so long online, I can tell when he's talkative and interested vs. uninterested and distant. Lately its just the latter. I want to help, but part of me knows that I won't be able to, because of past attempts, and so I either need to ride it out or...um, get on webcam for him...so to speak, which I obviously am not in that kind of mood.

 

[Unacceptance]

Perhaps he is going through some kind of crisis? I mean, is this normal behavior for him? Also remember us dudes are simple folk, you have to be pretty direct with your needs, otherwise we go back to our natural state of engaging in meaningless competition and being mesmerized by explosions and such.

 

[Estreen]

Perhaps he is going through some kind of crisis? I mean, is this normal behavior for him? Also remember us dudes are simple folk, you have to be pretty direct with your needs, otherwise we go back to our natural state of engaging in meaningless competition and being mesmerized by explosions and such.

Lol, I'm very direct, and well spoken to him about how I feel. He gets too...hmm.. "content" at times I think...and I'll let it go for a while until he either diverts from it himself or I give him a reminder. I understand his personality, and that as a guy he needs space, as minimal nagging as possible, and freedom. I give those. What I want in return is just a good convo, or for him to actually seem happy to see me.

 

[Gothmother]

Well, at first, sure. Even my bf was all lovey dovey, etc for the first year or so, but as time goes by...I dunno. I understand, guys are different from women and I don't expect it 24/7, but just a little romanticism goes a long way. Once a week, a few times a month maybe?

Tiredness can have a huge impact on relashionships, and when you are not happy and wanting lovey dovey and he isnt playing ball, that can make the old grey matter think over time.
Ive been with my husband now 10 years this December, and i would love to have him tell me how much he loves and all that mushy stuff, but i end up gettin all the romance i need from the books i read (mostly Sherrilyn Kenyons Dark hunter series and lately from Grundels beautiful writtings) But somtimes its ok to say OI, how about a lill us time and some smoochies and such.
Has to be give and take.

 

[delayed_relapse]

I know how you feel Estreen, my last relationship with my mistress was long-distance. Everything you feel in relation to your bf seems to be things I've felt also in my situation.
You're absolutely right, long-distance relationships require special attention if they are to last at all, and there must be agreements and compromise on both sides.
Too often it gets one-sided, and the one who feels more emotion is the one who gets burned.

...and when one person gets burned, the other never seems to notice, or care

*boo fuckin hoo... yeah I know*

Hope everything works out for you Estreeny, and hope you feel better soon

 

[Estreen]

Tiredness can have a huge impact on relashionships, and when you are not happy and wanting lovey dovey and he isnt playing ball, that can make the old grey matter think over time.
Ive been with my husband now 10 years this December, and i would love to have him tell me how much he loves and all that mushy stuff, but i end up gettin all the romance i need from the books i read (mostly Sherrilyn Kenyons Dark hunter series and lately from Grundels beautiful writtings) But somtimes its ok to say OI, how about a lill us time and some smoochies and such.
Has to be give and take.

Yes, I agree Gothmother. I just wish he'd put a little more up on his end, but am afraid that his personality just limits that, and thats fine, he is who he is, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it does affect me and how I feel in the relationship. I never ever want him to change; he is his own person and I know that I really wouldn't want someone else to try to change me. You either accept the person as is and work around/ignore the tolerable flaws, or you don't. I think its just wearing me down a lot now.

I know how you feel Estreen, my last relationship with my mistress was long-distance. Everything you feel in relation to your bf seems to be things I've felt also in my situation.
You're absolutely right, long-distance relationships require special attention if they are to last at all, and there must be agreements and compromise on both sides.
Too often it gets one-sided, and the one who feels more emotion is the one who gets burned.

...and when one person gets burned, the other never seems to notice, or care

*boo fuckin hoo... yeah I know*

Hope everything works out for you Estreeny, and hope you feel better soon

Thanks Delayed. That is a lot of how I feel. Sometimes I wonder if our personalities maybe are not as compatible as I'd hoped. I think sometimes he's a bit too practical, and I'm too much of a romantic, or dreamer. *shrugs* We've been together so long though, that I'm scared to even think about ending it.

 

[Lexicon Devil]

I know how you feel Estreen, my last relationship with my mistress was long-distance. Everything you feel in relation to your bf seems to be things I've felt also in my situation.
You're absolutely right, long-distance relationships require special attention if they are to last at all, and there must be agreements and compromise on both sides.
Too often it gets one-sided, and the one who feels more emotion is the one who gets burned.

...and when one person gets burned, the other never seems to notice, or care

*boo fuckin hoo... yeah I know*

Hope everything works out for you Estreeny, and hope you feel better soon

lmao with your 'mistress'!! what the hell. who calls their girlfriends their mistress nowadays. thats what people in the middle ages called their bit on the side.

 

[eviloreo]

As for the most above me i always thought mistress ment "a male: cheating on someone with someone else." You know, as a "nice" way of putting things down like "im taking a break from college (i dropped out)" or "we didnt work out and separated (i dumped him/her)." English is so nice when it comes to these kinda things

Anyways from what your boyfriend sounds Estreeny he sounds like me, L A Z Y.

Yes we're a rare type of man (not really), we say things we dont mean and mean what we dont really say. Ask me what i feel like doing and ill tell you "nothing really, i dont feel like doing anything" when in fact i do have planned for me a small run and to watch a movie on my computer tonight (Lord of War).

If you were to ask me what i like in terms of food i would probaby say "eh... anything really.. i dunno" when in fact i dont like fish, not very into anything chicken that is fried etc. etc." Point being i think your boyfriend is trying to play it "cool." Your coming to visit me from the U.S. to England during christmas? cool i guess.... when in the back of his head he knows he's probaby going to get some ass (just making an assumption here) and bring you to the "typical" tourist sites which im sure you want to go visit anyways. If i was him im probaby worried about what to do with you after i exhausted all the tourist places-to-go sites because i dont want you to think im a boring (chap) and you might not like what i do on a daily basis like play video games, watch bad movies, go on the internet(s) all day type of deal....

Like someone else said he's (us L A Z Y guys) probaby like the typical dude, (introverted type) we're "simple folk," we dont ask for much and dont ask for much in return and we defininetly dont like things to change rapidly. And when things come to push to shove i can almost guarentee you that we (us type of guys) prefer to let things "settle down" and do nothing which you might interprate differntly. : /

Hope this helps a little unless of course he's a completely differnt guy then how im envisioning him

 

[Estreen]

I know how you feel Estreen, my last relationship with my mistress was long-distance. Everything you feel in relation to your bf seems to be things I've felt also in my situation.
You're absolutely right, long-distance relationships require special attention if they are to last at all, and there must be agreements and compromise on both sides.
Too often it gets one-sided, and the one who feels more emotion is the one who gets burned.

...and when one person gets burned, the other never seems to notice, or care

*boo fuckin hoo... yeah I know*

Hope everything works out for you Estreeny, and hope you feel better soon

lmao with your 'mistress'!! what the hell. who calls their girlfriends their mistress nowadays. thats what people in the middle ages called their bit on the side.

Lol Stella.

I think its time I examined the relationship a bit more. I think that we are not so compatible as I'd hoped/that we thought we were. I'm torn, because I've put a lot of energy and effort into this relationship, yet...if this is how its going to be...I think I might end up miserable if I stay. =\

 

[Estreen]

As for the most above me i always thought mistress ment "a male: cheating on someone with someone else." You know, as a "nice" way of putting things down like "im taking a break from college (i dropped out)" or "we didnt work out and separated (i dumped him/her)." English is so nice when it comes to these kinda things

Anyways from what your boyfriend sounds Estreeny he sounds like me, L A Z Y.

Yes we're a rare type of man (not really), we say things we dont mean and mean what we dont really say. Ask me what i feel like doing and ill tell you "nothing really, i dont feel like doing anything" when in fact i do have planned for me a small run and to watch a movie on my computer tonight (Lord of War).

If you were to ask me what i like in terms of food i would probaby say "eh... anything really.. i dunno" when in fact i dont like fish, not very into anything chicken that is fried etc. etc." Point being i think your boyfriend is trying to play it "cool." Your coming to visit me from the U.S. to England during christmas? cool i guess.... when in the back of his head he knows he's probaby going to get some ass (just making an assumption here) and bring you to the "typical" tourist sites which im sure you want to go visit anyways. If i was him im probaby worried about what to do with you after i exhausted all the tourist places-to-go sites because i dont want you to think im a boring (chap) and you might not like what i do on a daily basis like play video games, watch bad movies, go on the internet(s) all day type of deal....

Like someone else said he's (us L A Z Y guys) probaby like the typical dude, (introverted type) we're "simple folk," we dont ask for much and dont ask for much in return and we defininetly dont like things to change rapidly. And when things come to push to shove i can almost guarentee you that we (us type of guys) prefer to let things "settle down" and do nothing which you might interprate differntly. : /

Hope this helps a little unless of course he's a completely differnt guy then how im envisioning him

Well, part of it could absolutely be that, but I believe it is more than just being a (typical) guy. I don't ask for a whole lot either, but there are guys who do express or show some enthusiasm for things, or at least seem happy about them. And he wouldn't be taking me to go site-seeing, just like he didn't want to the first time I went there. And as for "getting some", well for starters we're both still virgins, although I'm not gonna say that we don't anything, but we do try to "enjoy ourselves" nontheless. However, it seems like, the first day he's all over me, then after that? Nothing. I'm made to kinda feel like the horndog in most cases and a lot of times he kinda backs away when I try to touch him or whatever. Well, not literally back away, he just doesn't respond to it and will either laugh a bit and say "What are you doing?" or something along those lines.

And as for the trip, what he said to me today, has made me lose most motivation to go:

(1:23 PM) [[«-Ðeerstalker-: Well I don't have any stance on it, I'm pretty apathetic to everything right now and you were the one who wanted to do it so badly so if you want to cancel it then it's up to you, it was your idea to begin with

Is it just me, really? I mean, if he really wants me to be there, why would he say that? =\

 

[delayed_relapse]

Thanks Delayed. That is a lot of how I feel. Sometimes I wonder if our personalities maybe are not as compatible as I'd hoped. I think sometimes he's a bit too practical, and I'm too much of a romantic, or dreamer. *shrugs* We've been together so long though, that I'm scared to even think about ending it.

yw
it is scary when you've been with someone for a long time; it's secure. and feels normal. I hate that about relationships really... that little thing is what often holds one back.

Romantic dreamers are awesome! hehe

lmao with your 'mistress'!! what the hell. who calls their girlfriends their mistress nowadays. thats what people in the middle ages called their bit on the side.

I know what it means...

 

[eviloreo]

To base your entire trip on one (maybe two) statements like that would be a mistake : / Espically if he was tired or cranky (which us guys will never admit) or if you were being annoying that night or something.

Your thingy you pasted said 1:23 pm. assuming your east coast time (or mt, probaby not pacific) and the site is set at 8:07am (what is that? greenwich?) and its probaby sunday morning for him he's probaby pretty tired and said something stupid.

I had a girlfriend once and she asked me a question when i was dead tired, the question was "am i pouchy or a little fat?" Now she was fine, not extremely skinny but definetely not fat. I said pouchy and yea she took that as an insult and hung up on me. Looking back the answer even if she was fat was "no your skinny" but i was tired and said something stupid. Give it a day and talk it out : / and give him a break ~.~