I still mis him :(

[Tiger lily]

Hi there, Im 25 years old. I've never had a relationship however I have had a few strong crushes on people, but they were either taken or not interested. Im quite picky when it comes to liking someone because I like a connection with real meaning and not just based on physical stuff. Anyway normally in the past when i had a crush on someone it would take me about a year on adverage to get over them, then I would be able to be completely happy in myself again as i was before I even met them - this is how it normally works, however the last person who I ended up liking was a friend who I got to know quite well. Nothing happend between us and it was 3 years ago now but Ive never been able to be happy since theyve gone. They had a huge impact on me which I simply can not shake off, any new person I meet makes me feel even more lonely. No one understands me the way they did. Will someone ever replace this person. I've lost direction in my life and everything. Will this get better? its already been a very long time.

I need to get back feeling happy as I used to do in order to find someone special again, i feel at the moment that anyone I meet wont find me interesting because I've lost all my passion for life. I want my personality back. I have to mention that I am not depressed by the way. I know I would be happy if I met someone like this again so I know its not a chemical inbalance or anything.

 

[A new life]

Hi there, Im 25 years old. I've never had a relationship however I have had a few strong crushes on people, but they were either taken or not interested. Im quite picky when it comes to liking someone because I like a connection with real meaning and not just based on physical stuff. Anyway normally in the past when i had a crush on someone it would take me about a year on adverage to get over them, then I would be able to be completely happy in myself again as i was before I even met them - this is how it normally works, however the last person who I ended up liking was a friend who I got to know quite well. Nothing happend between us and it was 3 years ago now but Ive never been able to be happy since theyve gone. They had a huge impact on me which I simply can not shake off, any new person I meet makes me feel even more lonely. No one understands me the way they did. Will someone ever replace this person. I've lost direction in my life and everything. Will this get better? its already been a very long time.

I need to get back feeling happy as I used to do in order to find someone special again, i feel at the moment that anyone I meet wont find me interesting because I've lost all my passion for life. I want my personality back.

You remind me of me.
I do the same thing and it sucks!

Women liked me before I was married and when I was married.
Then my wife left me for someone violent
(as you know, that's such an attractive "quality" in a man)
I got my heart broken in a million pieces.
And whatever I had that women were attracted to, is gone.

I crush on someone until I reach the point of no hope,
pine over her for a while, find someone new (eventually) and start the process all over again.

I guess we need to be more guarded and more outgoing at the same time, if that's even possible.

I wish you the best.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You are searching for something that is deep inside yourself. We like to externalize this thing so we can feel like a victim... or something like that. We all do it, we all find different ways to do it. Why don't you focus on why you are so awesome? In the end he is not you. You are you, and only you can truly make yourself happy.

Here is some advice I was given. Just because someone is taken, that does not mean they are not looking to trade up. You can make whatever moral judgement you want to make, however, there are plenty of people who enjoy the benefits of a relationship, but not the relationship itself.

 

[Tiger lily]

You are searching for something that is deep inside yourself. We like to externalize this thing so we can feel like a victim... or something like that. We all do it, we all find different ways to do it. Why don't you focus on why you are so awesome? In the end he is not you. You are you, and only you can truly make yourself happy.

Here is some advice I was given. Just because someone is taken, that does not mean they are not looking to trade up. You can make whatever moral judgement you want to make, however, there are plenty of people who enjoy the benefits of a relationship, but not the relationship itself.

Hi AFrozen soul, Thanks for your reply. What did you mean by this bit - "You can make whatever moral judgement you want to make, however, there are plenty of people who enjoy the benefits of a relationship, but not the relationship itself."

Thanks

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hi AFrozen soul, Thanks for your reply. What did you mean by this bit - "You can make whatever moral judgement you want to make, however, there are plenty of people who enjoy the benefits of a relationship, but not the relationship itself."

Thanks

Hmmm lets see if I can keep this short.

What I mean is that you can "steal" someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend. For example, I may not like a females personality, however, I do like the fact that I can have sex with her whenever I want. So I will keep her around for the sex. That does not mean that I won't give her up if I find someone I think is better.

This was in response to your comment about the people you get crushes on always being taken.

 

[Tiger lily]

Hi AFrozen soul, Thanks for your reply. What did you mean by this bit - "You can make whatever moral judgement you want to make, however, there are plenty of people who enjoy the benefits of a relationship, but not the relationship itself."

Thanks

Hmmm lets see if I can keep this short.

What I mean is that you can "steal" someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend. For example, I may not like a females personality, however, I do like the fact that I can have sex with her whenever I want. So I will keep her around for the sex. That does not mean that I won't give her up if I find someone I think is better.

This was in response to your comment about the people you get crushes on always being taken.

In that case it doesn't really matter, because I would not be interested in such a man who thinks its ok to use someone for sex with no interest in the actual person who is waiting for someone better to come along. That's very insensitive behaviour and I think if a man had genuine feeling for a girl and he found out the girl was only using him till someone with a better personality came along I'm sure he would be terribly hurt. Is this really the true nature of men?! They want to be respected by women yet they don't respect them themselves. Very Arrogant.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Tiger lily: You are kind of missing the point. Sorry I picked the usual female hot burton of sex. My point, the male you are crushing on might be looking for a more interesting female. Remember society outcasts single people. He may just be with her to be in the in crowd. After all boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, husband wife they are just words. Humans give them meaning.

Make whatever judgment you want. How will he know you are the one for him, if you do not try to become the one?

 

[Tiger lily]

@Tiger lily: You are kind of missing the point. Sorry I picked the usual female hot burton of sex. My point, the male you are crushing on might be looking for a more interesting female. Remember society outcasts single people. He may just be with her to be in the in crowd. After all boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, husband wife they are just words. Humans give them meaning.

Make whatever judgment you want. How will he know you are the one for him, if you do not try to become the one?

I see what you mean.

Why do I miss someone who I felt embarrassed by to the point where I felt it was unfair remaining friends yet still miss them a couple of years down the line in a way which makes me feeling lonley in other peoples company, it makes no sence does it? Its insanity. Wish I understood this life which is so complex in terms of emotions. Does anyone have the answers

 

[Lynth]

Why do I miss someone who I felt embarrassed by to the point where I felt it was unfair remaining friends yet still miss them a couple of years down the line in a way which makes me feeling lonley in other peoples company, it makes no sence does it? Its insanity. Wish I understood this life which is so complex in terms of emotions. Does anyone have the answers

And this is another reason I hate love. It sucks having feelings and thoughts you don't understand because they seem irrational and insane and you never had them before. Only after you pursue an intimate relationship is when the crazy-ass, messed up thoughts have the possibility of building up in your mind and ******* you up to the point where it's mind-numbing and depressing and you don't know what to do. And all the advice you receive either doesn't help the way you had hoped, does not help at all, or just pisses you off even more.

Sorry, tigerlily. I have no answers or advice. Just cynical opinions which are probably worth honeysuckle to you and everyone else.

 

[Tiger lily]

Why do I miss someone who I felt embarrassed by to the point where I felt it was unfair remaining friends yet still miss them a couple of years down the line in a way which makes me feeling lonley in other peoples company, it makes no sence does it? Its insanity. Wish I understood this life which is so complex in terms of emotions. Does anyone have the answers

And this is another reason I hate love. It sucks having feelings and thoughts you don't understand because they seem irrational and insane and you never had them before. Only after you pursue an intimate relationship is when the crazy-ass, messed up thoughts have the possibility of building up in your mind and ******* you up to the point where it's mind-numbing and depressing and you don't know what to do. And all the advice you receive either doesn't help the way you had hoped, does not help at all, or just pisses you off even more.

Sorry, tigerlily. I have no answers or advice. Just cynical opinions which are probably worth honeysuckle to you and everyone else.

Hi lynth well you certainly seem to relate to the emotional mix up i feel. I was always a level headed person, still think I am to be honest which Is why i feel I must understand how its got me, its just normally crushes go after a year but this one is so very differnet, its the first time I learnt the true nature of really missing someone. Its a constant emotional pull, which Is totally irraitional.

If love is natural, why does it come about in a way which is impossible to maintain.

 

[Lynth]

If love is natural, why does it come about in a way which is impossible to maintain.

I think love is a lie. Affection and sexual desire is natural. Love is an idea (for lack of a better term) conceived by the human mind. In my opinion, love, in all it's beauty, is still just another flawed human creation that we probably can't live without sadly. Like religion. fresia love and fresia religion! So many people are slaves to both. I'm not a slave to any religion but I think I'm slowly becoming a slave to love and that depresses me so much and I don't know why.

 

[Tiger lily]

If love is natural, why does it come about in a way which is impossible to maintain.

I think love is a lie. Affection and sexual desire is natural. Love is an idea (for lack of a better term) conceived by the human mind. In my opinion, love, in all it's beauty, is still just another flawed human creation that we probably can't live without sadly. Like religion. fresia love and fresia religion! So many people are slaves to both. I'm not a slave to any religion but I think I'm slowly becoming a slave to love and that depresses me so much and I don't know why.

Th conclusion I have to to really, if I had to come to a conclusion, is that LOVE commitment to want to be with someone forever atleast is all down to how much you want it, so this could be where you are at in your life at the moment, what your needs are, you could maybe know someone know but not "fall in love" til maybe 25 years later. Its all about where you are at in life I think

 

[Tiger lily]

If love is natural, why does it come about in a way which is impossible to maintain.

I think love is a lie. Affection and sexual desire is natural. Love is an idea (for lack of a better term) conceived by the human mind. In my opinion, love, in all it's beauty, is still just another flawed human creation that we probably can't live without sadly. Like religion. fresia love and fresia religion! So many people are slaves to both. I'm not a slave to any religion but I think I'm slowly becoming a slave to love and that depresses me so much and I don't know why.

Th conclusion I have to to really, if I had to come to a conclusion, is that LOVE commitment to want to be with someone forever atleast is all down to how much you want it, so this could be where you are at in your life at the moment, what your needs are, you could maybe know someone know but not "fall in love" til maybe 25 years later. Its all about where you are at in life I think

Still doesnt make sence to me though...feelings we have which are irraitional.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I think love is a lie. Affection and sexual desire is natural. Love is an idea (for lack of a better term) conceived by the human mind. In my opinion, love, in all it's beauty, is still just another flawed human creation that we probably can't live without sadly. Like religion. fresia love and fresia religion! So many people are slaves to both. I'm not a slave to any religion but I think I'm slowly becoming a slave to love and that depresses me so much and I don't know why.

You are my new best friend on this forum. Though I will have to disagree with you about the human need for it. However, now is not the time for that. ^_^ You are awesome I share views all so much. Love just a fluffed up word for sex.

 

[Tiger lily]

so yea, does any one understand this,

Why would you miss someone who you felt embarrassed by to the point where you felt it was unfair remaining friends yet still miss them a couple of years down the line in a way which makes you feeling lonley in other peoples company, it makes no sence does it?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

No it does not make logical sense. However, in the end those who we feel the closest stick with us. I despise my ex for many reasons... however I am still depressed she left me. They say the best way to fix something like this is to find someone else to be obsessed over.

 

[Tiger lily]

No it does not make logical sense. However, in the end those who we feel the closest stick with us. I despise my ex for many reasons... however I am still depressed she left me. They say the best way to fix something like this is to find someone else to be obsessed over.

Maybe, but it will take someone special, I don't think just anyone could replace them, guese anything good is worth waiting for as they say.