is anything ever going to come?

[cool_breeze]

What do you do if the only girl you love has been in an on and off relationship with someone else for a few years? I think the fact that it's on and off shows that it's eventually going to fail. I hope it does. I'm pretty sure I love her more than he does, though I've never met the other guy.

I took down a much longer post but sometimes it seems like nothing is ever going to come for me. I can get dates fairly easily. But getting into a deep, loving relationship has been really hard. Seems like these days there's so much drama, pettiness, promiscuity, short term attitudes, and a lot of people in relationships aren't even that happy it seems.

I don't want all that bs. I want the real thing. An actual loving relationship with few or no problems.

 

[Anten]

The postal services work very hard you know.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Nope, just quit and settle for one of these girls you can easily get.

 

[Anten]

Never settle!!!

the off/on chick isn't really a good candidate for a long lasting relationship. It shows she isn't ready to leave the guy and may return to him if she gets into another relationship.

 

[Lost Drifter]

I think the fact that it's on and off shows that it's eventually going to fail.

I wouldn’t count on that. I’d say that she’s indecisive and while you may indeed love her more than the other person, if she doesn’t feel that then I’m afraid it could be the time to move on. You don’t know the extent of her relationship and from what you’ve written she doesn’t seem to know the extent of yours.

Real love is out there but the more you force it into happening the more likely it is that it will elude you.

 

[Tiina63]

Does she know how you feel about her? If not, maybe you could tell her and see what she says. It would clarify things for you.

 

[paulo]

I don't want all that bs. I want the real thing. An actual loving relationship with few or no problems.

there is nothing real about that.
a real relationship comes with problems, the way you deal with that makes a relationship last or not.
the amount of love there is makes it worth it or not.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

The on and off thing is normal and real.

Since ut interest in her you might be a little bias.

Every swing prick that wants a piece of my fiance
Say im a gardenia or not good for her.

Maybe she was just venting. Maybe we just
Need a timeout to sort things through so
She can mellow the fresia out or release negative emotions.

Theres 2 people in a relationship.
Sometomes my fiance can act like a major selfish *****.
I love her for her. I dont like some of her behaviors.
I can separate the performance from the performer.
We all our bad days.
When she has a bad hair day. The fucken devil has
nothing on her.lol

---

I love me for me. I make mistakes. I dont always
Behave right. I dont always make the correct decisions.
I learning to love myself unconditionally. Im learning to
Not be over critical of myself. Im learning to have compassion
For myself. Im to forgive myself. Im learning to be positive about myself.
Having a relationship with myself. Im learning to be able
To stand on my own two feet mentally,emotionally, and spIritually.

Well, we want to be joint at the hips.
Realistically, we cant be together 24/7s.
Well drive each other crazy and argue
Ovrr split milk.

 

[Lonely in BC]

I don't want all that bs. I want the real thing. An actual loving relationship with few or no problems.

Don't think they exist

 

[Brian]

Hey breeze...

I can relate to what your saying.

For years when I was younger, I had an obsession with a girl who I'd had a fleeting, youthful online relationship with. We'd met once, which didn't go well. A few years after, it brought me here, in fact.

It doesn't really pay to linger on someone like that, though I acknowledge it's basically impossible not to. I still love her, because I felt it so strongly, and as I've found recently those sorts of strong feelings never leave us. I never thought I'd find -anyone-, especially nobody like her. I watched her live her life through the windows of Myspace, Facebook, Flickr. I saw her become successful, find another man, tour Europe with him, and enter vet school. Boy was she beyond me...but you know what? It was really for the better. I see where she's gone now, and if we'd been together, we'd surely be apart now. We are literally polar opposites.

She's entwined in society and collegiate pursuits. I'm a balls-deep nutty survivalist employed as a Paramedic, and I see college as a means to an end. She's a vegetarian animal rights activist...whereas I'm prepared to eat your dog with a side of buttered turnips if things get bad enough.


I found the right girl for me in the most unlikely of places, though. I was looking, for sure, but not there. We actually started as friends. And it's love if there ever was any. To date we have had one sorta-fight, which resolved on the same night. It's easy. It flows like water. It's warm.

The only real advice I can give might not even work for you, but perhaps it's something to think about:

-Wow her. The first thing I ever took her to really do was to see Alegria. I continue to surprise her whenever possible...random hotel stays in a nearby city. Trips to a middle-of-nowhere hotspring in Montana.

-Be a man, but most importantly, be the -better- man; and know it. The key to escaping petty bullshit is to be above it and look down on it. That might sound mighty and aloof, but it's the truth. We are surrounded by acquaintances and her family members who dwell and thrive on the crap you're talking about. In Odinist philosophy we talk about 'creating a circle' around ourselves, as a warrior does to keep enemies at bay. It's more than abastaining; it's disdaining and backing it up with reason and your own values. Through belief and action, create the circle, be king of it, and make a place for your partner in it as queen (or vise versa). She will either take it or she won't. You'll have the right girl I think, when she takes the place and helps keep the circle.

Rhonda is tough as nails; she played football in highschool, on the boys team, because she was hurting the other girls too bad and they had to move her. I respect that a lot. But at the end of the day, she likes to feel safe in my arms, and not have to be tough all the time.


This probably didn't help at all in terms of finding someone. Hmm. Sorry :\

 

[dantoti]

Hey Breeze,

I feel like I'm in a similar position (I could be completely wrong ). I've been in love with a guy for several years now. He's constantly going in and out of relationships. Every time he finds someone new, I'm completely heartbroken. He always claims that he's found love and it's serious. Fortunately for me, it seems his relationships never last more than a few weeks.

It's extremely discouraging to watch someone you love enter into a relationship with someone else. Words can't describe the horrible feelings that result from it. Like you, I know I love him far more than anyone else he's been with. It's so frustrating that he would rather be with these other losers, who I believe, only are interested in using him.

This has been going on for so long. I've become extremely tired of it and grown very lonely. I've tried seeing other people (like you, I have no problem getting dates), yet I am unable to cultivate a meaningful relationship with anyone. People are shallow; they are only interested in me because of my looks, money, and success elsewhere in life.

At this point, relationships have become an unnecessarily frustrating burden to me. People just want to use me in whatever way they can. I can't find happiness with them. Like you said, there's way too much drama and pettiness. When I'm in relationships with these people, all I can think about is how I can get out. Then once I've been alone for a while, I start getting lonely again.

It's a desperation for affection. We both already love someone who we can't be with, so we hopelessly search for someone else to ease the resulting loneliness. This just leads to an endless cycle of failed relationships. I too am tired of all the BS. I just want to find the right guy- or get the guy I love to love me back.

I have no solutions or suggestions for you, but I hope you're able to relate to my story a little.

Good luck! I hope things turn around for you.

 

[Anten]

I was friends with a girl that was really open to me about her sex life and how her dates and boyfriend treated her. We were always hanging out and at work many people thought we were going out, even managers. She told me I was like a brother to her and that she felt that way the first time we met so with much reluctance I knew I had to move on. If a person knows you like them and they continue to have off and on relationships with 1 or more people then it is time to drop those feelings and move on. Love is a two way street, so you two(OP and dantoti) either lust for the person or deeply care but either way that person doesn't feel the same about you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Renae and i had/have an intimate relationship in our teens.
I do understand that bonding. I feel shes always been the
love of my life
Were together now after 21 yrs.

Whatever phase or stage i went through.
The grievung,the hurt. The lost.
I didn't react or reponded so healthy all the time.
I did alot of self destructiive tbings.
I finally had to hitted bottom.

In the past 21 yrs i managed to get into serveral long
term relationships. I also dated plenty of women.

I also experienced a lot of happy moments in life
That didnt centered around love or relationships.

Im not denying wgat you

---

Im not denying what your feeling.
Im one of tbose guy that felli in love
With that specail woman and life seems
To want to keep us apart.

Also know this. As painful or how shitfy life can be sometimes...
SELF PITY GETS ME NO WHERE OTHER THEN INTO A DARK PIT
OF DISPAIR.
People can talk to,be there for me or even give me great advice and
Solutions.
ITS A FUCKEN PAIN IN THE ASS FOR ME TO CLIMB OUT
OF THE messed UP HOLE I DUG FOR MYSELF.

EVEN AT THIS MOMENT....IM TRUELY HAPPY THAT
RENAE AND I ARE TOGETHER TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT.
RIGHT, WRONG, FAIR OR UNFAIR....
SELF PITY ISNT GOING TO DO ME ANY GOOD.

SOMEHOW WE MUST ALL ALLOW OURSELVES TO LIVE, GO ON
AND BE HAPPY....WHATEVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES IN OUR
LIVES MAY BE. WHATEVER SHITTY EXPERIENCE FROM OUR
PAST MAY BE. WHEATER WE GET WHAT WE WANT OR DON'T
GET WHAT WE WANT.

---

Its not easier said than done.
ITS EASY IF I CHOOSE TO MAKE IT EASY. ITS A CONCIOUS DECISION.
COMMON SENSE SAY...IM BETTER OFF DOING IT EASY AND GIVING
MYSELF A BREAK. BE GOOD TO ME INSTEAD OF AGAINT ME.

 

[passage]

You don't love her, get your head out of your ass. Real loving relationships (Disney crap) don't exist.

Now in actuality they do, but 99.72% of the time they don't. But if I wrote that from the beginning, you'd assume your the exception, not the norm, when really 99.72% of the time I write this I'll be right.

Once again (a recurring theme on this website) it comes down to self respect. If you really are a good catch, then it doesn't make sense for you to wait around for a women who can't make her mind up. You waiting for her to break up or marry or whatever (who knows how long that'll take), is you disrespecting yourself. Simply because you should be enjoying yourself and trying to meet someone you really connect with. As hard as it may be to believe, I am 100% sure that there are at least several hundred (probably thousands) of other women out there that are a better match for you then this one girl you are so infatuated with (unless you believe in whole 1 soulmate thing, in which case you'd be a lost cause anyway and I'd just be wasting my time).

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes, i a fucken man whore.
Ive been with plenty of women.
I messed the the iiving honeysuckle out of all of them
And they all loved it.
Im such a womenizing basturd, ive bad threesomes
With young drop dead gorgeous women a lot time ago when i was only a kid.
Chick comes after me all time. So whatever i fresia i did
last year wasn't knew to me. Its just the im over 40 and
Yoing beautiful women still wanna do threesomes with me.
It wasnt disny land..but i lived most mens wild fantasy.

---

Ive already posted titays pics of Jenn and juliet
On tnis site. Thryre both beautiful women.
I met Jenn the day i drove back from NV. after
RENAE and i Separated. I lived with ber for 2 months. She did anything and eve
rything for me. She could had been the perfect wife or all the odds would be in my favor.
On top of that shes ptetty with double D.
BUT I LEFT HER BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE.

When i got to Ventura Juliet came after me.
Shes rich, intelligent and sophisticated.

When i came home for a week. Aother 19 yr old came
After me...that quick.

---

But i remain faithful to Renae as she had ask me to be.
I was seating in Juliet car when Renae called me.
Juliet wanted to ***** slap out of me.
For days Juliet trjed to convince ne not to have any contact
With Renae. She plead with me not return home.
BECAUSE she knew my intentions was to be with RENAE.

YEAH MY LOVE LIFE IS KIDDA WACK.
I WANT TO FLY STRAIGHT AND DEVOLT MYSELF TO
SOMEONE I TURELY LOVE...
BUT THERES ALOT OF THAT ILL SHOW YOU ***** SYNDROM
IN ME...
I CAN GET ANY WOMAN I WANT. BUT I LOVE HER.

---

Im not a major sfud either.
All these women that comes after me
See alot in me.
Im actaully pretty nice and easy going.
Its that they want me to devote my
Love and life to them. It wasnt all
About sex.

---

Do you actually believe these women
Would come affer me jf j was a major *******?
I wasnt even working when Juliet came
After me. It wasn't about the fucken money. Like i said she very intelligent
And sophisticated.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Its why im here with Renae.
my love and devotion to her.
The love, patients, toerance, understand,none judgemental
And unconditional love i have for her.
Its not my poor selfesteem...

The women that comes after me see that
Part of me. They can smell me from miles
Away

 

[kinzeUK]

Hey breeze...

I can relate to what your saying.

For years when I was younger, I had an obsession with a girl who I'd had a fleeting, youthful online relationship with. We'd met once, which didn't go well. A few years after, it brought me here, in fact.

It doesn't really pay to linger on someone like that, though I acknowledge it's basically impossible not to. I still love her, because I felt it so strongly, and as I've found recently those sorts of strong feelings never leave us. I never thought I'd find -anyone-, especially nobody like her. I watched her live her life through the windows of Myspace, Facebook, Flickr. I saw her become successful, find another man, tour Europe with him, and enter vet school. Boy was she beyond me...but you know what? It was really for the better. I see where she's gone now, and if we'd been together, we'd surely be apart now. We are literally polar opposites.

She's entwined in society and collegiate pursuits. I'm a balls-deep nutty survivalist employed as a Paramedic, and I see college as a means to an end. She's a vegetarian animal rights activist...whereas I'm prepared to eat your dog with a side of buttered turnips if things get bad enough.


I found the right girl for me in the most unlikely of places, though. I was looking, for sure, but not there. We actually started as friends. And it's love if there ever was any. To date we have had one sorta-fight, which resolved on the same night. It's easy. It flows like water. It's warm.

The only real advice I can give might not even work for you, but perhaps it's something to think about:

-Wow her. The first thing I ever took her to really do was to see Alegria. I continue to surprise her whenever possible...random hotel stays in a nearby city. Trips to a middle-of-nowhere hotspring in Montana.

-Be a man, but most importantly, be the -better- man; and know it. The key to escaping petty bullshit is to be above it and look down on it. That might sound mighty and aloof, but it's the truth. We are surrounded by acquaintances and her family members who dwell and thrive on the crap you're talking about. In Odinist philosophy we talk about 'creating a circle' around ourselves, as a warrior does to keep enemies at bay. It's more than abastaining; it's disdaining and backing it up with reason and your own values. Through belief and action, create the circle, be king of it, and make a place for your partner in it as queen (or vise versa). She will either take it or she won't. You'll have the right girl I think, when she takes the place and helps keep the circle.

Rhonda is tough as nails; she played football in highschool, on the boys team, because she was hurting the other girls too bad and they had to move her. I respect that a lot. But at the end of the day, she likes to feel safe in my arms, and not have to be tough all the time.


This probably didn't help at all in terms of finding someone. Hmm. Sorry :\

******* awesome post, that. What a way you have with words.

I'd be envious, but I'm that way inclined myself

 

[Southern_Light]

My first post here. I here you brother, the world seems to be going to hell and back and everyone got so much issues and so on the defensive and afraid to let anyone in.

The on again off again isn't a good sign for her because something isn't right and she can't let go of that guy. A lot of girls get stuck on a guy and seem to feel to emotionally attached to completely let go, except for my ex I think.

I once was in a similar situation as you years ago, and the girl couldn't make up her mind so I stopped bothering and then years later when I was settled with someone else she came and told me she realized how I felt about here and made a mistake with us and dumped the other ******* permanently.

At that point I had lost interest completely and she seemed all emotional. Today she is married to some guy happily so all worked out well for her.

My advice don't waste your time or wait for her to wake up to you. Chances are she will only wake up one you are settled with someone else.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You have to stop putting girls on pedestals. They don't belong up there.

 

[DudeIAm]

I was in an on/off relationship for 4.5 years. I woke up one day, had an epiphany and told her I am done with this bullshit. Either we are in a relationship or not. There is no in-between. We went our separate ways after that. I rather be single then deal with that emotional stress.