Is there aything actually "wrong" with being lonely?

[PieBeNice]

I just wanted to know what other people think about being alone. Quite a few people on this site seem to find it hard to live with and that being alone is a "bad" thing but i've recently started to see it a different way in that I don't see anyhting wrong with being alone loads anymore. Does anyone feel indifferent about it or am i just weird, or both.

 

[packyourbags]

i guess nothing IS wrong with being alone, it's just way painful for most people... (shrugs)

we are social creatures after all, lol.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

i'm not really alone, i have a lot of friends in RL and on here, it's just love-relationship wise i'm VERY alone lol. i just try not to think about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wouldn't think so. Some of us have different reasons for our loneliness. Some of us have the same reasons. There's nothing wrong about it, or to be ashamed about.

 

[Minus]

I don't see being alone and being lonely as the same thing. We have people here who are not alone but still feel lonely. There is nothing in it's self "wrong" with being alone or even being lonely though most people find feeling lonely to be a negative feeling.

I myself seem to need more alone time then most people.

 

[Estreen]

I used to love my alone time. I still, for the most part, do. But as I've gotten older, I find I want a little less of it. I don't want to be out every single night; I do need breaks to unwind and regroup, but to do something at least once/a few times a week, would be pretty good for me. It was different when I was younger; I loved being alone in my room with the stereo on, just daydreaming whilst listening to music, or in social gatherings I'd usually be found in a corner with my nose in a book. I think I just had *too MUCH* alone time that now it's starting to really get to me and makes me kinda crave a little more social interaction.

And, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling lonely. It's all in how you perceive it. I'm like Minus though, in that I see a difference between being "alone" vs. being "lonely". If you like to be alone, there's nothing wrong with that, but I don't think many people really actually "like" to feel lonely. At least, that is my perception of it.

 

[SilentThinker]

We need to be alone sometimes.

I get very tired after going for a party and the last thing I want is to hang out.I also want some private space even among friends.

Loneliness can be a feeling or a situation being alone.
We can be in a group of friend but feel lonely.

 

[eh?]

I don't have a problem with being alone.
I have a problem with being alone all the time.

I can go hours or days without human contact.
But eventually, I want someone to reach out to.
When I reach out now, there is nothing there...

 

[gyneco]

being alone =/= being lonely

 

[Lonesome Crow]

A part of me is a loner, eversince i was a child.
I was what you call the lostchild or neglected child.
I hid in my room to aviod getting it. As a child I
created a save fantacy world to escape from life on life's term.
As a teenager I used to lock myself in my room and listen to music
or play my guitar to escape.

I develope a habit of being alone. Most of the time it didn't
bother me to be alone...what hurts me was I felt no one could careless oneway or the other.

Fortunately...I met people in my life that truely cared about me.
but the ones that cares about me...all seem to fucken died on me.
It is when i lose the ones that I love wheather through death
or alcoholism...that I feel lonely.

I met thousands of people in my life in real life.
I party as hard as you can get with many people and friends.
I didn't feel alone then.

My loneliness comes from feeling hurted, used, abused, abandent and
thinking no one could understand me nor felt what I was feeling.

I can be in a room full of people and feel lonely as hell.
I can be in a relationship and feel lonely to the bones.

Even when i first got clean and sober...I had to spend
most of my days out in nature without any humans around.
I needed to heal. I needed to sort out my life. i needed time
alone. No fucken chaos..no think this way or that way...
No belive in this or beliving in that. No this way is better
than that way. No...I'm not Saint Frances...But I do suffer
from a fever as he did. No more fucken noise and demands
from humanity

In those moments in nature I never felt alone.
I felt peace, serenity and loved. Through nature I learned
about unconditional love. I simply just have to show up
and be in the moment. Mother nature nevered hated me nor
judge me. She never demanded anything from me. She loved
me as i am...without strings. She surround me with beauty.
Mother nature nevered hurted me..She lifted my spirit and healed me.

I can scream out all of my anger at the top of my lungs and hatred
for I would never be judged. I can cures any ******** out that hurted me.
I can cast stones as hard as i can anywhere and everwhere in nature to release
all of my anger and not be in feared of being judge..(that i had sometype of behavior or mental problems)
I can break honeysuckle in nature too..she allowed me to do that to release my anger and fustrations.

I can hear the music of life all around me. The whispers of the
wind. The songs of the birds singing. The gentle caress of the
cool breeze touching my skin and hair. The warmth of the sunlight
on my skin. A wild bird landed on my hand oneday...and looked
me in the eye...Simply becuase the bird knew i wasn't going to
hurt it nor i had any fears in me.

I remember now...I was able to seperate reality from society.
There's life on life's term...then there's life on mankind's or poeple's terms.

 

[Bluey]

I just wanted to know what other people think about being alone. Quite a few people on this site seem to find it hard to live with and that being alone is a "bad" thing but i've recently started to see it a different way in that I don't see anyhting wrong with being alone loads anymore. Does anyone feel indifferent about it or am i just weird, or both.

I think you get used to it. At the beginning for a person when there not used to being alone its moor painful. Then you get independent. I actually think it dose a person good to spend a year or so living alone. But I don't think its healthy to live a life alone.

One advantage we who live alone have tho is when where old and we see friends who loss there partners and struggle to adapt we well not have that problem.

I don't think there is nothing wrong with being alone if your enjoying your life. Its only a problem if being alone makes you feel lonely. Cos that feeling of feeling lonely and the world not understanding or caring about you really is one of the worst feelings there is. Lucky I only get to feel them feelings now and again. Most of the time am completely content doing my own thing

I myself seem to need more alone time then most people.

I think when your used to a moor alone time then most you do start to need it. I am the same in that I think I now like to have alone time. kinder just gives my head a chance to put everything in order.

 

[Brian]

I really like my solitude. I do. But I need regular contact with other people or I really start to not feel so great. Luckily I do have friends.

Alone is fine when that's what you need...but loneliness to me indicates a negative, unhealthy feeling, a need for contact, as opposed to just the state of being alone at a given point in time. So I don't think being lonely is good, especially since it's been linked to so many health problems.

I'm fine with being amongst my friends for the day now and then and then coming home to quiet solitude...but there's a lot of times I wish I had some female company. I've just never really had that, so naturally I miss it. And I do think there's something wrong with that if it makes me feel as bad as it sometimes does. So, that's why I'm trying to change it.

 

[Bluey]

I really like my solitude. I do. But I need regular contact with other people or I really start to not feel so great. Luckily I do have friends.

Alone is fine when that's what you need...but loneliness to me indicates a negative, unhealthy feeling, a need for contact, as opposed to just the state of being alone at a given point in time. So I don't think being lonely is good, especially since it's been linked to so many health problems.

I'm fine with being amongst my friends for the day now and then and then coming home to quiet solitude...but there's a lot of times I wish I had some female company. I've just never really had that, so naturally I miss it. And I do think there's something wrong with that if it makes me feel as bad as it sometimes does. So, that's why I'm trying to change it.

That's about where am at as well. Most of the time am happy just going out once or twice a week with friends then to do my own thing for the rest of the time. I very rarely get board. But ye sometimes it really hurts when all I wont is a hug and some atenshon. And ye of course female company would be great.

 

[Silvernight]

It's not wrong per se, it's just that most people do not enjoy being alone for a long time. I have a strong need to be with someone pretty much all the time. That is, a few hours of completely alone time are fine but if it's even just one day, I start getting seriously annoyed and gradually more depressed. For this reason, I never wanted to get my own apartment and live separately from my family. Whatever for? A couple of weeks and I would get overwhelmed with a serious urge to hang myself on the door handle from all the isolation (well, I probably wouldn't do that but living alone would be a real torture for me). I think the universe played a not very funny joke on me when it endowed me with a very strong need for socialising and yet took care to make me suck at socialising.

 

[Naleena]

[/i]

I don't see being alone and being lonely as the same thing. We have people here who are not alone but still feel lonely. There is nothing in it's self "wrong" with being alone or even being lonely though most people find feeling lonely to be a negative feeling.

I myself seem to need more alone time then most people.

I agree with you, Minus. I think being alone in a physical sense is much different than being emotionally alone. There are some who are surrounded by people and yet they feel "alone." Plenty of people who are in relationships and who wake up beside of a spouse feel "alone."
I think the pain of being "alone" comes not from not having someone right beside us but, from not having deep heart felt connections with people who are like us and who we can share with. I believe they are feeling the absence of having a meaningful connection with another human being. THAT can be painful. I know I feel that discomfort sometimes when I really want someone to talk too. It's not a "negative" feeling. It helps us to realize we need each other and being a part of humanity and needing to interact with it is nothing to be ashamed of.
However, like you I require time alone and personal space in order to grow and be happy. I am not someone who will ever want to be strapped at the hip with another person.

 

[joanmcf]

I think it's the labels we put on things that cause us to suffer. There is nothing wrong with being alone but when you label being alone as loneliness (and loneliness is "bad") then it frames your experience as a negative thing. I understand the pain of wanting to have friends and there not being anybody there but I think you can be alone and not beat yourself up about it by constantly telling yourself, "Hey, I'm all alone. I'm lonely." That story we tell ourselves is what causes pain.

 

[wolfshadow]

I just wanted to know what other people think about being alone. Quite a few people on this site seem to find it hard to live with and that being alone is a "bad" thing but i've recently started to see it a different way in that I don't see anyhting wrong with being alone loads anymore. Does anyone feel indifferent about it or am i just weird, or both.

It all depends on why you are lonely. There isn't anything wrong per se, in being at ease with your own company and it most certainly isn't weird.
The distress comes I think, when you have absolutely no choice but to be alone. I personally find it deeply humiliating that I'm unpopular and am ashamed of myself for not being worthy of attention. Clearly this IS a bad thing but it is very important to distinguish that the underpinning issues are of character and self-esteem, not the solitude in itself.

 

[one lonely guy]

I just wanted to know what other people think about being alone.

Loneliness, by definition, is a negative emotion.

Your thread title and your first sentence differ. To be alone and enjoy solitude is a positive thing. To feel lonely is definitely not.

Some people can enjoy solitude for longer periods of time than others. Unless they're a hermit - and I have no idea how real hermits actually feel - most enjoyers of solitude have or have had a robust and supportive social network (i.e. friends, relatives). Without it, solitude quickly fades to loneliness.
Just my experience and what I've observed.
olg

 

[Solace]

To be alone is to be all-one. Someone said that to me once.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely I guess.

So to answer your question, if you can be al-one, there is nothing wrong with being alone. But if it's lonely and painful for you, then you're gonna start to think of it as a 'bad' thing.

 

[Silvernight]

There's only something wrong with it if you don't like it. If it bothers you, then it's obviously something that needs to be remedied. Speaking for myself, if I am totally alone for even a day, that bothers me. Luckily, I am not. It used to be different in my early childhood when I was totally happy to be alone if I only had an interesting book to read. Well, that changed, there's not much I can do about this particular fact. Speaking about a social circle, if I only have a few friends and some acquaintances, then it is enough to make me completely happy in the social field. Even having a romantic relationship is not crucial, although I would certainly not mind one.