Just Ended up Completely Alone

[AimeeLou84]

Ok so the one person in the world I had has just informed me I'm too much of a burden for him.I gave up everything I had to be with him and as soon as he got me he didn't want me.Since then things have just got worse and worse.He has a wandering eye,he leaves me alone every week and he keeps me a secret.After breaking down today because he might not be coming home he told me any other guy would have thrown me out by now and I put too much pressure on him.Anyway I now have absolutely nobody so Im turning to the only thing I know to help me - alcohol.Needless to say the boyfriend went out and left me.

So im now just wondering what the point in anything is.Im obviously just a drain to the people around me.

 

[Unacceptance]

SO how long did you know them before you threw your life away for them... also, what is stopping you from rebuilding?

 

[SophiaGrace]

1.) Alcohol WILL NOT help you. Not at all. Its a faulty coping mechanism. Please focus on developing healthier ones.

2.) this guy you are dating sounds abusive.

3.) How long did you know him?

 

[jjam]

Just out of curiosity, why did you feel like mentioning that he has a wandering eye?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Hello Amieelou,

I've read your post many times...about your GF partying without and you staying home all
the time alone.

I know what you mean...I've sat home alone for many years waiting for my ex-gf to come home.
After all the struggle and all what we been through ...She bascailly dump me like a piece of trash.
It hurts very, very much when you love one. Never in my life I thought i would feel that way.

I got clean and sober when I was young. I was only 22.
i went through a divorce and it ripped my heart out...
I drank to cover up my pains. Alcohol was there for me and was the only thing i knew to used
to copped with my pains. It made me even more depressed and it caused even more problems in my life.

I was clean an sober for 11 years...Then I relapsed 5 years ago.
After I relapsed ..my GF never changed...I just felt even more worst about myself.
And i had to process all that pain anyway.

Anyway...I'm clean and sober today...it's hard somtimes. I still have feelings for my ex.
But i chose not to drinking today...I'm trying to move on with my life.
I attend meetings...and talk about my problems ...people listen to me. Sometimes i just
cry in meetings. It's okay..i don't have to drink to cope with my problems today.

You're so young and beautiful. You have so much love to give. You have your whole life in front of you.
Please don't destroy yourself. There's people willing to help you and love you.
Maybe you will be able to help someone someday that might be facing the same problem
that you're facing today.

The piont is ...you are LOVE and TRUE LOVE WILL SEEK YOU.
Becuase YOU DESERVE BETTER.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM..YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF.
The relationship you have with you BF is unhealthy.
No matter how much you love him....it is still unhealty for you.
You're getting the short end of the stick all the time.
The pain you are feeling is telling you that it's not right...
Yes...betray hurts a lot. Rejection hurts at lot. A sence of being used hurts a lot.
YOU DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.
It is hard to belive that at the moment becuase the pain you're feeling is overwhelming.

You don't have to go through this alone...you don't.

I'm sorry that you're going through this at the moment..I'm sorry for your pains.

If you need anyone to listen to you or I you want to just talk...you can PM me.
Or Just keep reaching out to some of the women here on this site.
Then maybe you can restart reaching out to other people IRL.

And my piont is...I'm in recovery today...other people helped and helps me.
And I try to help others to achive soberity and fine a healthier why to live...by sharing my experince, strength and hope.
I've experinced many, many...many hapiness and wonder events in my life...more than i could ever imagined.
Becuase my life is going through changes becuase I deverse better...it gets better all the time.
I just have to learn how to let go.....
Becuase when i hitted bottom....I lost all hope and I needed help.
When you hitted bottom...all you can do is go up.

You can let this be your bottom....or let this bottom hits you.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

If I was going through what you do I would be drinking up a storm as well. If its just for one night, drink away I say. Just don't take it to the extreme or let it attach to you daily. I think I remember you mentioning about drinking in another thread before. Do you think you may be starting to have a drinking problem? Do you know how it started? I mean about you thinking booze is the best way to calm yourself. I sure as hell do. Don't go there. Not only will you be alone, but you will just make all the good things you have left deteriorate and you will never be able to get them back.

When you sober up I hope you realize how everything is just wrong with your relationship with this fellow. Move on and if he runs his mouth like that again just let him say what he has to say, ignore him, and leave him. It seems to me that he is the one that is making you drink. That is so wrong AimeeLou. You know it. If things were just fine or normal, you wouldn't even be making yourself feel so low.

 

[AimeeLou84]

Hi all, sorry for the late response.I've been throwing myself into my work and trying to forget.

The drinking thing I started doing every Friday when my bf goes out with his mates. The problem is that his friends live an half hour drive away. When we first got together he was worse.He used to go out, text other girls and phone them,he was in constant contact with his ex gf.He'd go on holiday and not text me even though I was completely alone with literally nobody to talk to or see for the whole 7 days. I started feeling suicidal when I didn't have anybody and I really did want to die.He pulled me through it but not in a good way.He'd shout at me and get physical with me.He'd leave the house when I was crying.I was just so alone and the more he withdrew and shouted at me for feeling the way I did, the more alone and suicidal I felt.It was a horrible time.

Since then he's been better.He doesn't go out and stay overnight as much.He has told his dad about me which is a start.But he doesn't tell anybody else anything.As far as his sisters and his mum and his friends are concerned he's single.He doesn't talk to girls anymore.But the trust that was broken has never fully been rebuilt so that makes it worse for me at the moment.I still wonder about stuff. I mean he says he wants to marry me and have kids with me and he sometimes tells me how great I am.He's not very romantic so that's kind of hard too because even though I wasn't like it with any other of my bf's, I'm really affectionate with him and I love beign with him and cuddling up etc.But the secrecy thing gets to me and apparently this is what he';s been like with all his gf's.He's never included them in his life unless he had to.It's like he lives his life depending upon what his friends and family are doing.He doesn't stand up to them and he's worried about what they think.He tells me he doesn't even fully enjoy his friends company but he goes every Friday night because if he didn't they'd ask questions and he hates people talking about him.

So anyway I drink on Friday night because it's hard being on my own as much as I am.I'm a freelance writer working from home so I don't see anybody ever.I don't have friends or any family nearby so all I really have is my bf.When I first met him I was more confident and I figured I'd make friends when we went out together.Of course it didn't happen like that.He lied to me whcih i found out about,I felt he didn't tell people about me because he's ashamed of me and him shouting at me when I cry just seems to have made my confidence go.So I never managed to make friends and when I do they always think its strange that my bf doesn't tell people about me and I find it esier to just stop trying to be friends with people until the situation becomes more normal.Like I said he's telling people gradually.His dad knows and his work mates know and he told me he's trying to tell everyone else but he's just dreading it.It makes me feel like we're doing something wrong and I don't understand why he cares more about what other people think than what I do.

Anyway I digress again! I also hear people coming home on Friday night laughing and joking.It's just a really horrible lonely feeling.Doing the same thing day in day out gets boring and not seeing anybody does take its toll soemtimes. Drinking makes the night go quicker and it numbs everything for a while too.Thats why I started.It did get to a point where I relied on it to sleep.If we had an argument (and sometimes I still do) I just drink to get through the evening.

I know its not healthy and we do have good days and bad.Things won't change until he tells people about me and he includes me in his life.

 

[Nyktimos]

It sounds to me as though he has some mental problems which he won't accept or doesn't know how to deal with. He's taking them out on you and your relationship together. He probably doesn't know why he does the things he does either. But you both have the right to aim for a better life, even if that means seperating. You can't force someone to deal with their problems before they are ready.

I hope things improve for you. Relationships can be so difficult, we forget that it involves two individual people each with a complex inner life.

 

[AimeeLou84]

It sounds to me as though he has some mental problems which he won't accept or doesn't know how to deal with. He's taking them out on you and your relationship together. He probably doesn't know why he does the things he does either.

I know and it's hard for me to understand how he feels about it.I've tried understanding it but it's difficult to because it is something that we are brought up to believe is natural.Relationships are everywhere and the thought of being too embarrassed to tell somebody you are in one just baffles me.he says he hates questions.He goes bright red, it makes him feel physically sick and he hates it. I know it must be bad because he's seen what it does to us.But he's managed to convince himself that telling people about us wouldn't make a difference.It's easier for him to back out of it by hiding behind stuff than it is to face it.I guess I haven't shown enough support when he has told people because I do feel it's something he should do naturally.

It's just so difficult to be supportive when I guess I see him as an enemy.I do love him,very much so.But I haven't yet got over the lies and so the secrecy does get to me.I mean I'm not particularly looking forward to meeting his family and firends as I'm shy and I'm worried about what they'll think as it will be a big deal.I live with him too so that doesn't help because whenever they want to come around (which is never as he puts them off) I have to hide all my stuff and go out until they've gone.So it's stressful.

He's told me he wishes he could click his fingers and it was years in the future where everyone knows about us.He says he doesn't know whats wrong with him.If I had other people to talk to and I didn't rely on him so much I guess I'd be more supportive.You're post has actually really helped me because even though I know he has a problem,it's nice to see somebody else who can maybe see it from his point of view too

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Try to focus on yourself Aimee.

I think it's a very good idea that you're looking into writing a magazine for women.
Maybe you'll find healing for yourself and other women in the process...

Here's a story I remember reading in a recovery book.
It deals with relationships or unhealthy relationships.
The book is call " LOVE IS A CHIOCE"...The title is straight forward.
I had it on my desk for months before I read it....I had to feel so much pain before i picked it up.
It help me you understand what i was going through better with my ex-gf.
Well...my GF used to run out of gas all the time on her way back from the casino.lol

Anyway,
If a person runs out of gas out of town and you stopped to help that person,
But you only had enough gas to go back into town yourself.
If you give that person a part of your fuel...you too will be stranded.
What decision would you make ?
A good decision would be to drive back into town and call a tow truck.
If you give that person your gas...they just take off without you and not garantee of
them coming back to get you...you'll be stranded and wonder WTF ????
Then next week you'll see that same person...stranded again...lol

When in a relationship..it's difficult becuase of the emotional attachment we have.
We feel guitly for leaving the ones we love. We feel overwhelm with guilt.

It other words....my ex-gf was sucking the life out of me...She'll only come around
when things gets really bad for her and she wasn't capiable of giving back in returned.
Sucking my love tank dry. In other words...I too was sufferning her consequence.

Until she's learn to love herself first...then she's not capiable of loving me.
What ever it would take for her to hit her bottom
She can't give me what she dosn't have.

Anyway the moral of the story is to look out for number 1.
Love yourself first and foremost...
We can't FIX our partners...
Help needs to come from an outside source.
If our partner wish not to communicate or open up to an outside souce (counseling, therapist..etc),
then it's going to be the same ...If there's no communications..then there's no communication.
This also minimize the fights and arguments...that's why couples seek marriage couseling.

Anyway....a healthy relationship is that both partner are capiable of loving themselves.
In this way Love is not a bargining. Each partner simply Share the love they have.
Love (relationship) no longer is a need or desperations...becuase each partner is self supporting.
LOVE ( relationship) is a CHIOCE.

As a woman...you also have your motherly instinks...you'll want to love or take care of someone as a child.
As a parent, rasing a child can be very draining if a parent is not capiable of loving themselves first.

Anyway...I hope you don't take it the wrong way.
You're not allowing your BF to grow up if you continue to try to fix him.
It's the samething that I did with my ex-gf. I simply never allowed her to suffer the consequence of her actions to grow up.

So I'm growing up myself from suffering the consequences of my actions...by staying in an unhealthy relationship.
The principle, lesson, or answer remains the same for my ex-gf and I..
I have to love myself first and formost before I can love her or anyone else.

 

[AimeeLou84]

Thanks for the reply lonesome.It sounds like you've been through quite a lot too.Tonight is a particularly bad night for me and the best bit? I'm sat here next to my bf.I started drinking because im feeling down.Obviously feeling down too as Im quiet and not saying much and has he asked me whats wrong?nope.did he when I started drinking? No,when tears started rolling down my cheeks did he notice?No.That's why I feel so alone,because I am.I agree with everything that's been said on here,this isn't a healthy relationship.not at all.

 

[Nyktimos]

Thanks for the reply lonesome.It sounds like you've been through quite a lot too.Tonight is a particularly bad night for me and the best bit? I'm sat here next to my bf.I started drinking because im feeling down.Obviously feeling down too as Im quiet and not saying much and has he asked me whats wrong?nope.did he when I started drinking? No,when tears started rolling down my cheeks did he notice?No.That's why I feel so alone,because I am.I agree with everything that's been said on here,this isn't a healthy relationship.not at all.

For what it's worth, although you may want him to ask what's wrong, sometimes it can be harder when they do. If you don't know how to answer the question in a constructive way, you just end up making other excuses for being quiet and sad and feeling uncomfortable because you still can't communicate your problems. That's what I've found, anyway.

 

[AimeeLou84]

Yeah you're right.Whenever we communicate it turns out in an argument.He did ask me what was wrong when we went to bed and we ended up arguing.Then when we woke up he hugged me and he's taken a couple of days off work so we can spend time together.I guess that's something.I've just got to find a way to just focus on something else other than us.I want to stop drinking on Friday nights.This Friday night is going to be difficult as he's going to a friends birthday thing and he'll be staying at his friends house overnight. I don't suppose anybody here will be in the chatroom friday night will they?It might help if I have people to talk to to take my mind off stuff

 

[torontonian]

Not to be a dick but anytime I never wanted to show a gf to my friends and family, it was because she was either not skinny or pretty enough and ofcourse I DENIED IT with many of the excuses your bf uses on you. I even used to get one to clear out when my family rarely, briefly came by. You can love a girl & be ashamed of her at the same time IF your friends & family are judgemental bastards, so dont pressure him & expect him to stay with you

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not skinny or pretty enough? Wow, how ridiculous.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Not to be a dick but anytime I never wanted to show a gf to my friends and family, it was because she was either not skinny or pretty enough and ofcourse I DENIED IT with many of the excuses your bf uses on you. I even used to get one to clear out when my family rarely, briefly came by. You can love a girl & be ashamed of her at the same time IF your friends & family are judgemental bastards, so dont pressure him & expect him to stay with you

That's retarded man...My ex-in laws where total biggots but my
ex-wife was never ashame of me. Yes, she struggled alot becuase
we were the odd couple. We got a lot of stairs because I stood
out like a fucken door knob..We stood out like a fucken door knob.
A super model white chick with an asian dude in the the fucken heart of Texas.
She was never ashame to take me home to her parents or
go out in public with me and showed affection for me in public.
She asked me out....

Thats why I asker Michelle to married me. I knew she love me.
Even thou our marriage didnt work out..it wasn't becuase
she was shame of me...

Wow...that would make me feel like honeysuckle ...if someone I love
treated me fucken less than or a second class citizen and just use me for sex or whatever.

Sheryl gained 20-30 lb a year after I got together with her. She also suffered from depression
Not for 1 minute I mentioned about her wieght or made her feel more bad
than she felt about herself. She would asked me about her weight. I knew I couldn't lose the wieght
for her. Instead I went walking with her or excersize with her...when she decided to.
I was never ashame of going out in public with her or go visit my parents...even when she wasn't
feeling so well and wasn't looking at her best. I was never ashame of intruducing her to my friends.
If my family and firends can't respect me enough...will fresia them too.
Belived me...someday Sheryl looked like honeysuckle and can barely get out of bed...I still go out to dinner
with her or go shoping with her.
Sheryl never gain her body shape back as when i first met her. I actally though she looks better
with 15 extra LB on her. Nope she wasn't as pretty as my ex-wf...but I'm not that fucken shallow.
I love her. She looks just like Meg Ryan when she's well and dress up..FFS.

It was actaully me that was ******* her up..to an extent...I had to stop that honeysuckle !
I wanted to turn her into my ex-wf...I remember buying her clothes or jewlery just so she can look
a county gal from Texas. I had to really slow the fresia down and think wtf i was doing to her.
No, I didn't cuase her depression..but i fucken made it worst for her...At first.

 

[Tramp]

You're a good man, Lonesome.

 

[Naleena]

Not to be a dick but anytime I never wanted to show a gf to my friends and family, it was because she was either not skinny or pretty enough and ofcourse I DENIED IT with many of the excuses your bf uses on you. I even used to get one to clear out when my family rarely, briefly came by. You can love a girl & be ashamed of her at the same time IF your friends & family are judgemental bastards, so dont pressure him & expect him to stay with you

In other words, you were a gutless coward that needed to grow a pair. You were more concerned what other people would say about a woman (who was your girlfriend) than with her feelings. Are you that heartless and shallow? You didn't mind clearing them out huh? Couldn't stand being seen with an imperfect girl? Yeah, I bet you denied it. You didn't want to miss out on using them for sex. What a piece of work you are and you talk about people being low quality....lol


No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility. -Simone de Beauvoir

 

[badaboom]

Not to be a dick but anytime I never wanted to show a gf to my friends and family, it was because she was either not skinny or pretty enough and ofcourse I DENIED IT with many of the excuses your bf uses on you. I even used to get one to clear out when my family rarely, briefly came by. You can love a girl & be ashamed of her at the same time IF your friends & family are judgemental bastards, so dont pressure him & expect him to stay with you

keep that up, your gonna meet a beautiful girl with a honeysuckle personality, your gonna be attracted to her looks, but shes gonna treat you like honeysuckle, your gonna want to leave, but her looks will keep you there, how do i know? i was once a shallow dude like you, change yourself before its too late

 

[samba101]

Well I reckon you should get rid of him now before the kids come and your stuck in a loveless marriage. That's not the type of relationship you deserve, there's somebody better out there for you. I know what it's like to drink, I did too to get away from the loneliness but after a while it became repetitive and I hit rock bottom.

You deserve someone who wants you around and takes you out, not leave you at home and forget your there. My ex would take me with him but the thing I hated was as soon as we had company I was put into the background while he enjoyed his night forgetting about me. Mind you we worked and lived with each other having owned a business. One night he did it I flirted with this other guy and boy was he mad!!! Hahaha pay backs a *****. I did it in front of him too, I'm actually having a laugh about it now.