After reading some other threads today I thought I'd share an event in my life that changed me forever, and made me much happier with who I am. I suffer from low self-esteem, shyness, and social anxiety. Except once you get to know me good luck shutting me up. 
Many, many years ago, (lol) okay about 17 years ago so you pick how many, many's to put in there, I was unhappy. I was in my 3rd year of high school and had a pretty good group of friends, but I just didn't feel like myself. I'm a big kid, still am, I loved to watch cartoons and never wanted to let go of my childhood. Only problem was back then you had to, being a comic book geek or video game geek wasn't acceptable. If you were a guy and you didn't play sports you were an outcast, got picked on and called names like queer. I had more female friends than male friends because of this. I liked to draw superheroes too, my favorite being Batman, but this wasn't something I went around letting everyone know.
I started to distance myself from my friends, taking time out for myself to just be alone. I felt more comfortable then because I could be with my thoughts no matter how immature they would be. I'm a huge Mariah Carey fan (**** Nick Cannon for snagging her up, I'm joking I'm not delusional I know I would never have hooked up with her) her Music Box album came out that year. There was one friend of mine who would always follow me around and want to talk to me, even when I wanted to be alone and could never take a hint. She had a huge crush on me but that's another story. I would listen to the song Hero over and over, surprisingly I never wore the tape cassette out (yep this is when tape cassettes were still popular).
I looked at my "public" life and didn't like who I was. In high school you either conformed or got bullied. I tried to hide who I was and fly under the radar to get picked on a little as possible, didn't work. Even my mother thought I should "grow up", she's not like that as much anymore. So I thought, why am I doing this, why am I trying to just be a drone and not who I really am? I came out of the closet that year, I finally let everyone know I was a huge Batman fan, I was a geek. (I love telling that joke, it gets funny reactions from people at first, they're all like :-O waaa...then they're all like LOL.)
After that my life changed forever, I didn't hide who I was, I started to share my drawings with my friends and my love of comic books, video games, and just being silly. You know what, my friends liked my better, they didn't run away or shun me. I was free to be me, yeah I took more teasing but I didn't care because I was being me.
I still suffer from all the above I listed at the beginning, god do I ever, but now its not such a strange thing. One day when I was in the mall buying an action figure, the lady at the check-out guessed my age and told me she had a son near my age who was into the same thing. That's how she knew how old I was. I know I'm not alone out there, my generation grew up with the boom of video games, and with the popularity of comic book movies we're not so abnormal anymore. Even teenagers I've had work for me think I'm cool and normal...me...I still have a hard time believing that my part timer tells his friends how cool his boss is. I've never thought of myself as cool, ever.
Now you might wonder what this all has to do with Low Self-Esteem and Shyness (or maybe not), it helped me with my self-esteem. After being who I wanted to be I was happier and not so afraid anymore. I still care what people think of me, except for my hobbies. I don't care anymore, because I know I'm not alone out there, if anyone wants to tease me about it they can go suck an egg. I'm happy with who I am, I'm not abnormal anymore, I AM A GEEK!!
I wanted to share this in hopes that maybe it will help other people who are having a hard time liking themselves. Sometimes its about taking that leap and being who your are, who you want to be. Yeah I still get lonely and depressed at times, but I like who I am and that's the first step in tackling my other issues, eventually. I'm a big one for believing that you have to like yourself first, once you do you can tackle the rest...no matter how long it takes.
Many, many years ago, (lol) okay about 17 years ago so you pick how many, many's to put in there, I was unhappy. I was in my 3rd year of high school and had a pretty good group of friends, but I just didn't feel like myself. I'm a big kid, still am, I loved to watch cartoons and never wanted to let go of my childhood. Only problem was back then you had to, being a comic book geek or video game geek wasn't acceptable. If you were a guy and you didn't play sports you were an outcast, got picked on and called names like queer. I had more female friends than male friends because of this. I liked to draw superheroes too, my favorite being Batman, but this wasn't something I went around letting everyone know.
I started to distance myself from my friends, taking time out for myself to just be alone. I felt more comfortable then because I could be with my thoughts no matter how immature they would be. I'm a huge Mariah Carey fan (**** Nick Cannon for snagging her up, I'm joking I'm not delusional I know I would never have hooked up with her) her Music Box album came out that year. There was one friend of mine who would always follow me around and want to talk to me, even when I wanted to be alone and could never take a hint. She had a huge crush on me but that's another story. I would listen to the song Hero over and over, surprisingly I never wore the tape cassette out (yep this is when tape cassettes were still popular).
I looked at my "public" life and didn't like who I was. In high school you either conformed or got bullied. I tried to hide who I was and fly under the radar to get picked on a little as possible, didn't work. Even my mother thought I should "grow up", she's not like that as much anymore. So I thought, why am I doing this, why am I trying to just be a drone and not who I really am? I came out of the closet that year, I finally let everyone know I was a huge Batman fan, I was a geek. (I love telling that joke, it gets funny reactions from people at first, they're all like :-O waaa...then they're all like LOL.)
After that my life changed forever, I didn't hide who I was, I started to share my drawings with my friends and my love of comic books, video games, and just being silly. You know what, my friends liked my better, they didn't run away or shun me. I was free to be me, yeah I took more teasing but I didn't care because I was being me.
I still suffer from all the above I listed at the beginning, god do I ever, but now its not such a strange thing. One day when I was in the mall buying an action figure, the lady at the check-out guessed my age and told me she had a son near my age who was into the same thing. That's how she knew how old I was. I know I'm not alone out there, my generation grew up with the boom of video games, and with the popularity of comic book movies we're not so abnormal anymore. Even teenagers I've had work for me think I'm cool and normal...me...I still have a hard time believing that my part timer tells his friends how cool his boss is. I've never thought of myself as cool, ever.
Now you might wonder what this all has to do with Low Self-Esteem and Shyness (or maybe not), it helped me with my self-esteem. After being who I wanted to be I was happier and not so afraid anymore. I still care what people think of me, except for my hobbies. I don't care anymore, because I know I'm not alone out there, if anyone wants to tease me about it they can go suck an egg. I'm happy with who I am, I'm not abnormal anymore, I AM A GEEK!!
I wanted to share this in hopes that maybe it will help other people who are having a hard time liking themselves. Sometimes its about taking that leap and being who your are, who you want to be. Yeah I still get lonely and depressed at times, but I like who I am and that's the first step in tackling my other issues, eventually. I'm a big one for believing that you have to like yourself first, once you do you can tackle the rest...no matter how long it takes.
