Lying

[ChiCowboy]

If you're in a serious relationship that you don't want to lose, but your partner lies, how do you deal with it? Ending the relationship seems to be the only answer, but I don't want to do that. Talking has done no good. She knows that what she does is going to get me angry, but she does it anyway, then tries to cover it up. I know when she's lying, and I always call her on it. It makes me angry; it causes great stress on both me and her, yet she doesn't seem to have the ability to stop. It's nothing earth-shattering; no cheating or anything like that, but I cannot stand being lied to and having things done behind my back. I've tried to overcome the emotions involved with her behavior, but I can't. She keeps lying, and I keep getting angry. Any suggestions?

 

[kamya]

She has the ability to stop she just doesn't care enough. Leaving pretty much is the only answer.

 

[leevy]

I know how you feel. At some point, I just get too afraid to hear the false answers so I just don't ask. I don't know what else to do.

 

[ChiCowboy]

I know how you feel. At some point, I just get too afraid to hear the false answers so I just don't ask. I don't know what else to do.

I wish it were that simple. Believe me, I've tried. I don't need to ask any questions. I already know the truth. I'm very co-dependent, so I put up with dishonesty because I can't bring myself to end the relationship. I've been through this before, and one would think I haven't learned my lesson. What happens is that I eventually shut down. I become numb to the behavior of my partner. I feel this happening now, and it's a feeling I do not enjoy. I'm going to try some al-anon meetings to see if that helps. (Al-anon is a group for co-dependents of all types, not just for those involved with alcoholics.)

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She has the ability to stop she just doesn't care enough. Leaving pretty much is the only answer.

That is certainly how it makes me feel, and I've told her this. There are deeper issues at work, though. I'm not giving up just yet.

 

[blackhole]

walk away and never look back.

but walk toward something better.

no one deserves to be tethered to a liar.

 

[septicemia]

Lying and deceit is one of the things I will not tolerate from people in my life. I just cant stand to have a conversation with someone who I know is a liar, because I am always wondering if what they are saying is fake, and it ruins everything about them for me. I would dump her if I was you.

 

[ChiCowboy]

Thank you for the replies. I feel so violated. How can a person look someone in the eye - someone she claims to love - and say something she knows is false. The last time she did this, it was to the point of being conspiratorial. ****, I feel used and like a fool. She played me. I dunno. I'm giving her yet another chance (I've already kicked her out twice for doing the same exact thing). What causes people to act in such foolish ways? Does she think I will put up with this forever? I don't understand it. Furthermore, myself, I could not conspire to hurt someone then call her honey when she got home. The guilt would kill me.

 

[ChiCowboy]

Thank you for the replies. I feel so violated. How can a person look someone in the eye - someone she claims to love - and say something she knows is false. The last time she did this, it was to the point of being conspiratorial. ****, I feel used and like a fool. She played me. I dunno. I'm giving her yet another chance (I've already kicked her out twice for doing the same exact thing). What causes people to act in such foolish ways? Does she think I will put up with this forever? I don't understand it. Furthermore, myself, I could not conspire to hurt someone then call her honey when she got home. The guilt would kill me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Furthermore, myself, I could not conspire to hurt someone then call her honey when she got home. The guilt would kill me.

This means you're a good person.

 

[blackhole]

Thank you for the replies. I feel so violated.

i know the feeling.

How can a person look someone in the eye - someone she claims to love - and say something she knows is false.

you will never understand "how" they can do it, you just need to understand that they "can" and "will" do it.

The last time she did this, it was to the point of being conspiratorial.

some people's depths are limitless.

****, I feel used and like a fool. She played me.

yeah, that's a hard one. you will eventually learn from this and move forward...better, stronger, smarter. trust me.

I dunno. I'm giving her yet another chance (I've already kicked her out twice for doing the same exact thing).

you are likely to regret giving her another chance.

What causes people to act in such foolish ways?

some people are actually born without a conscience.

Does she think I will put up with this forever?

the answer is:
- yes, or
- she doesn't really care either way

I don't understand it.

consider yourself lucky.

Furthermore, myself, I could not conspire to hurt someone then call her honey when she got home.

yeah, me neither.