Marriage for companionship.

[Pezza]

My previous employers are companions, they aren't married though but they've been together for 20+ years. They are both divorced and both have children in their 30's. They are easily one of the happiest couples I have ever seen. They are not dependent on each other, they both have their own car and their own social activities, but they also have lots of activities they do together. In general they act like a couple, they rely on each other for support, companionship, they live together, they pool resources, everything apart from sleeping together.

I think a companionship partner is a very good idea, but you shouldn't get married unless you "love love" each other. Marriage just adds unnecessary oaths into the relationship which have the potential to destroy it.

 

[Tiina63]

I'm so confused. What else are people getting married for if not companionship? Is there something else marriage is supposed to be done for that I'm missing out on?

Hi Kamya, and thank you for responding. When I talk about marriage for companionship I am thinking of marriage without love, where the two people have a close friednship and get on really well together, but don't have deeper feelings for each other.

 

[kamya]

I see. That makes more sense. I think it could work if both people weren't planning on looking for other relationships...for the rest of their lives. There are some nice tax and legal benefits to becoming married. Other than that I'm not sure why they would want to get married over just keeping their regular companionship.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That wouldn't work for me.

I have friends for companionship. I would only marry for love.

 

[Peter Lorre]

I agree, it's not a good idea. Marry out of love, it's the only way it can really work.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I'm so confused. What else are people getting married for if not companionship? Is there something else marriage is supposed to be done for that I'm missing out on?

I think people are referring to a marriage without passionate love. Just someone to be with so you're not all alone. I've been doing some online dating though -- or trying to, it's a weird "thing" I don't know how to do -- you look at pictures like you're online shopping -- and the reality of doing this is hard!! To try to hook up with someone you're bored by... It doesn't help that this feeling is usually mutual or at least they feel it and are not motivated to work at the relationship, either.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi oopsiedoop, I sometimes feel bored when I meet someone from a dating site as well. It's good to know I am not the only one. Someties the only real thing you have in common is that you both want a relationship.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I even wonder about that from the people I meet. Men don't make an effort. Some are pretty aggressive, but that's not making an effort!!

 

[Tiina63]

Yes, a lot of men don't make an effort. And the ones who make the least effort and who have the least going for them always seem to expect the most from women.

 

[lonelyboy]

I am getting older and I think this is a good idea. I am open on this, hope I can find a woman who thinks just like you Tiina63.
Good luck to us.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi lonelyboy, thank you for your response. When I was younger, the idea of a marriage for companionship would not have appealed to me at all, but when you start getting older and are still alone, marriage for companionship starts to look a whole lot better than being alone in the world.

 

[Edward W]

If thats what you want though do you need to get married? Could you not just live together with someone?

 

[blackdot]

Hi lonelyboy, thank you for your response. When I was younger, the idea of a marriage for companionship would not have appealed to me at all, but when you start getting older and are still alone, marriage for companionship starts to look a whole lot better than being alone in the world.

I can understand what you are looking for.
I don't see any problem with you marrying someone for companionship as long as the other person understands this.

Someone mentioned that this is bad because this is someone you will be for the rest of your life, but at some point, that's not really an issue because as you get older, there is less time left anyways. *laughs*

Companionship is really what is important to me when looking for someone. The whole "intimate" thing is unknown and probably wouldn't work anyways.

 

[jayme89]

If I'm 40 and still not in a relationship I think I'll marry some foreign man. Like a green card marriage /agreement. I genuinely enjoy the company and conversation of foreigners. we'll live together and he'll have to agree to pay me X amount of money every year. The marriage would have to last a few years but we'll be good friends. Once he's legal I'll move on to the next one. Yup, that'll do.

 

[Tiina63]

If thats what you want though do you need to get married? Could you not just live together with someone?

I would prefer to be married rather than living with someone as I think it would be more of a commitment. Also, I have no family, so being married would mean that I would have someone to belong to in a deeper way than just living together would give me. My partner would be my family.

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I can understand what you are looking for.
I don't see any problem with you marrying someone for companionship as long as the other person understands this.

Someone mentioned that this is bad because this is someone you will be for the rest of your life, but at some point, that's not really an issue because as you get older, there is less time left anyways. *laughs*


You are right-if ever I marry for companionship rather than love, we would both need to know about this and acccept it.
Your second point made me laugh as it is something I have often thought-if things go wrong at least we have less time left to regret it

 

[WL7.3]

Arranged marriages have high success and happiness rates. as much as marriages out of love. I chose my boyfriend for practical reasons and fell in love with him later. Marrying for love is a fairly modern convention.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Arranged marriages have high success and happiness rates. as much as marriages out of love. I chose my boyfriend for practical reasons and fell in love with him later. Marrying for love is a fairly modern convention.

High success.... sure maybe but happiness? They may hide this considering I think people who do accept arranged marriages are more resigned to "fate" or whatever it is they are resigning their marriage life to.. so they tend to hide any unhappiness and just live with it.

 

[Revengineer]

Arranged marriages have high success and happiness rates. as much as marriages out of love. I chose my boyfriend for practical reasons and fell in love with him later. Marrying for love is a fairly modern convention.

High success.... sure maybe but happiness? They may hide this considering I think people who do accept arranged marriages are more resigned to "fate" or whatever it is they are resigning their marriage life to.. so they tend to hide any unhappiness and just live with it.

There are pros and cons to both systems. The justification used for arranged marriages is that a person's family members can determine compatibility at least as well as the individuals themselves. Once this is accepted it follows that it's more effective to spread the burden of selecting a mate around the family rather than placing all the pressure on the person getting matched. Obviously this would never fly in a society which prizes the individual's choice and freedom in these matters, but that's the general idea. Cultures that do this tend to have very different attitudes towards "love" than we (of the Western societies) do.

 

[ardour]

Hey Tina,
Blunt question here but would you be prepared to sleep with a man you didn't love... and possibly not even find attractive? Or fend off advances? Because I think that unless you have a concrete understanding about this, your companion might still end up expecting it as part of the relationship, possibly due to attraction he wasn't prepared to admit to in the beginning. You would have to be very clear about boundaries.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Hey Tina,
Blunt question here but would you be prepared to sleep with a man you didn't love... and possibly not even find attractive? Or fend off advances? Because I think that unless you have a concrete understanding about this, your companion might still end up expecting it as part of the relationship, possibly due to attraction he wasn't prepared to admit to in the beginning. You would have to be very clear about boundaries.

Good point, men don't go through menopause at 50 and lose interest in sex.

Why don't you get out there and make friends, find someone to be companions with, have dinner, go to the movies, hold hands, walk in the park etc, but hold off on marriage or even living together until you find love. You can be with someone without making that life-long commitment for as long as you want because technically you're "just friends." And who knows, your friendship may even become love. And then you can get married. Why rush into marriage before you're ready regardless of age?

Besides wouldn't you have to make a bigger effort to find that person willing to marry only for companionship than simply making a friend?

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I want to get married for love AND companionship, but I have to start dating first.

Totally!!! Those are the only 2 reasons I would get married for because I don't want kids. Companionship without love=not enough for marriage, enough for a friendship only.