Maybe its everyone else and NOT me.

[Grackle]

I look around the table at lunch (when I'm at work) and think to myself how much I hate having lunch with these people. If I eat separate, at another time, it would be rude and taken as a huge insult to everyone and I need this job so I can't offend anyone. My boss and all 3 people in management eat with us as well. So I endure it. But topic always turns to sex or what i will call 'adult' conversations and just plain stupid insulting gossipy topics and I just feel like maybe its THEM and not me thats off. I mean, what if I'm normal and descent and its everyone else in the world that has the problem ?
Could it be that I'm alone because I'm better then everyone else

 

[Nightwing]

It's probably both. I don't particularly like the human race either - but my reasoning is different. I see that we have enough food to feed the planet, yet we have almost an entire continent starving. I see that we're overpopulating the planet and our country, but any attempt to correct the problem is (incorrectly) seen as immoral, xenophobic or racist.

It could be you, it could be everyone else. In my view... it's all of us. We're all awful. (And that's not a popular viewpoint. Most are unwilling to accept the negative sides to what they say or do. So they ignore it or spew hate at anyone who points out that they're not perfect.) Thus, lonely.

Plenty of different views out there... ultimately we all pick the one which makes us most comfortable.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I look around the table at lunch (when I'm at work) and think to myself how much I hate having lunch with these people. If I eat separate, at another time, it would be rude and taken as a huge insult to everyone and I need this job so I can't offend anyone. My boss and all 3 people in management eat with us as well. So I endure it. But topic always turns to sex or what i will call 'adult' conversations and just plain stupid insulting gossipy topics and I just feel like maybe its THEM and not me thats off. I mean, what if I'm normal and descent and its everyone else in the world that has the problem ?
Could it be that I'm alone because I'm better then everyone else

you might be on to something here. the kind of topics that they were discussing really turn me off. unfortunately, after conversations with most people I usually end up feeling like I'm a deeper person than they are, interested in less mundane/trivial topics.

in many settings and by many people, I'm looked at as the smart one... and I have been told this to my face. So it's not really *me* bragging.

The hard part I find it actually finding people who share my interests, share my view of life, even while it's changing as I get older. If most people are swayed by watching celebrities dancing on TV and watching sports and going to church, where do *I* find people who are like me and like the things that I do? I could go on about the things that I like and prefer, but I'll probably only alienate everyone on this forum in doing so. Just seems like a no-win situation. :| You either conform in doing the things the mass of people do, or you risk being a loner. And then all the non-conformists refuse to conform to each other for the sake of a non-conforming conformist friendship and then everybody comes out a loser.

In fact, I think I'm going to change my tagline because I no longer feel like I find peace in solitude, not now anyway. From this moment on, I am "the smart one".

 

[Grackle]

Nightwing - i think it is all of us. People are complex and, for sure

FreedomFromLiberty - cool tagline . Their interests are definitely different then mine. Unfortunately.

 

[ardour]

Since when do your colleagues represent everyone? You'd think that kind of conversation would be discouraged, particularly when your boss is around. I feel sorry for you.

 

[Tiina63]

I feel really sorry for you as well. Being forced to sit through conversations which do not interest you with people you do not care for day after day is so draining. When I was working, it did used to annoy me that I couldn't just sit alone and read quietly at lunch breaks and teabreaks, especially as it was supposed to be my free time. As you have found, others see it as insulting and rude if you do not join them. In my eyes you are perfectly normal for secretly not wanting to sit with them and it is they who are off. But unfortunately a lot people will see them as normal and us as the ones with the problem.

 

[Groucho]

But topic always turns to sex or what i will call 'adult' conversations and just plain stupid insulting gossipy topics and I just feel like maybe its THEM and not me thats off.

Similar. Worst part is, I find this applies regardless of age group.

And I find it awkward regardless.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

But topic always turns to sex or what i will call 'adult' conversations and just plain stupid insulting gossipy topics and I just feel like maybe its THEM and not me thats off.

Similar. Worst part is, I find this applies regardless of age group.

And I find it awkward regardless.

The lizard part of their brains must light up with excitement when they start talking about sex and stuff. Like primitive apes.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lizard brain

 

[ardour]

When I was working, it did used to annoy me that I couldn't just sit alone and read quietly at lunch breaks and teabreaks, especially as it was supposed to be my free time.

Have to admit, I'm someone who gets annoyed with those who would rather not make the effort, who aren't willing to give anyone a chance if they don't fit into some exclusive clique with the right interests, worldview etc. But since his colleagues sound quite obnoxious, gossipy, immature etc. then it's fair enough to feel that way.

 

[LadyDaria]

The hard part I find it actually finding people who share my interests, share my view of life, even while it's changing as I get older. If most people are swayed by watching celebrities dancing on TV and watching sports and going to church, where do *I* find people who are like me and like the things that I do?

I hear you. I have often said that I fall in love / friends with people that value what I do, in the way I do. Which is just insanely hard to find. We are talking like 1 in 1000. Lots of people will suggest that somehow we have to look for these people but often I find I can't find them. Because of the masses forcing conformance those who may be like me hide and may not be true to themselves. This is why I do think, though I don't want to, that I am going to be alone forever. It just seems impossible to really find these people and keep them.

And I do think that there has perhaps been a change in people because I cannot understand about 99% of them. Where it seems like just 10 years ago I could relate to a lot more of them.

 

[Grackle]

I'm an introvert so it would do wonders for me to just sit quietly and have my lunch, sort if replenish my energy levels which is what a break is meant for. Just sitting in a room of 8 -10 people is exhausting.

I guess we are the square pegs in a world of round holes. I just need to find one square hole and my whole life will change. Thats how I feel.

 

[Groucho]

The lizard part of their brains must light up with excitement when they start talking about sex and stuff. Like primitive apes.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lizard brain

Always baffles me why the conversation couldn't be higher calibre.

 

[Tiina63]

I'm an introvert so it would do wonders for me to just sit quietly and have my lunch, sort if replenish my energy levels which is what a break is meant for. Just sitting in a room of 8 -10 people is exhausting.

I guess we are the square pegs in a world of round holes. I just need to find one square hole and my whole life will change. Thats how I feel.

I am an introvert as well and have often found that our need to sit quietly and not to have to be 'on' all the time can be easily misinterpreted as unfriendliness.

 

[Grackle]

Very true Tiina63

 

[edgecrusher]

I have had the same thought myself many times. I think it's probably both, but when it comes to everyone else I often think they don't realize what they are doing. And if an introvert finds themselves saying this I think it's because society exists in a way that it caters to extroverts and many of those extroverts just plain don't understand what it's like to be introverted. Even if I get annoyed by it, I often don't fully blame them because of that.

 

[jaguarundi]

I'm more of an extrovert, and these introverts are just judging me and looking down on me all the time ....

OK. Not true. I learned long ago that they aren't (mostly, my lizard brain is too primitive to tell some of the time, like, you know, duh ...an ape).

But this is the problem with mind-reading, isn't it?? We DON'T ever truly know what people are thinking.

If you need quiet and space at work then make an excuse - you need to go to the library/pharmacy/post a letter/buy feminine hygiene products/put a bet on - whatever. Then find a quiet place - a park is good, in good weather. I always liked to go to a church to sit quietly (and I am pretty much an atheist).

And stop imagining what 'they' are thinking. It does no good. And they probably aren't... or are they????

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.That's pretty much the essence of it.

 

[Grackle]

I wish like heck I was an extrovert, the people at work seem to have a lot of fun. Not my kind of fun but I would say they enjoy life more then i do but then again, how would I know that for sure.

 

[jaguarundi]

I wish like heck I was an extrovert, the people at work seem to have a lot of fun. Not my kind of fun but I would say they enjoy life more then i do but then again, how would I know that for sure.

Well actually I really am a bit of an extrovert (an extroverted introvert as some-one into that stuff once told me- whatever that actually means).

And I know extroverts. I would say that yes, they have fun - their kind of fun, as grackle says. Why isn't it classed as 'fun' to stay in and catch-up on my edx.org jazz appreciation course? Or finish a painting I'm working on? Or for you guys to do - whatever you do for fun? Read a book, play an online game, whatever?

It bugs me that 'fun' seems to mean stuff like huge noisy parties, screaming on funfair rides, jumping off bridges attached to a piece of elastic...etc. I find 'fun' in different ways, but it is fun for me!

Mostly what I envy about the really raving extroverts is that they never seem to have a moments tormented self-doubt, never torture themselves with needless convoluted worrying about stuff that might never happen, never 'mind-read' the motives and possible negative thoughts of everybody else, until they never want to step outside the house and speak to another person ever again..

Well, a lot less then most of the people on ALL I reckon.

Could there be a lesson in that?

 

[Tiina63]

But this is the problem with mind-reading, isn't it?? We DON'T ever truly know what people are thinking.

If you need quiet and space at work then make an excuse - you need to go to the library/pharmacy/post a letter/buy feminine hygiene products/put a bet on - whatever. Then find a quiet place - a park is good, in good weather. I always liked to go to a church to sit quietly (and I am pretty much an atheist).

And stop imagining what 'they' are thinking. It does no good. And they probably aren't... or are they????
[/quote]

In a couple of past workplaces people have told me to my face that I am weird/ mentally ill/bitchy etc because I needed time to myself at lunchtime. I found the work itself stressful and really needed time out just to sit and read and to replenish my energy levels, but I was judged negatively because of it. I ended up taking an overdose as I couldn't face it any more.