Dear-_-Tragedy
Well-known member
Okay this is going to be long. Prepare for my story mostly about my current relationship.
So I started uni back in September last year and met the everyone at my halls. They all seemed to be pretty awesome and we all connected. We played many drinking games, I decided who I was attracted to, who was attracted to me (which seemed to be most the girls and even two of the boys who are gay awwwkward) and who I didn't like quite very quickly. I'd like to point out at this stage that at this point I was a virgin and had told everyone in my halls. Later more people arrived including this one girl (let's call her 'may' jusst in case). Yeah well I knew from the beginning there was something different about this girl; she was more mature and had a head on her shoulders, less like those screeechy 'look at me' girls (you know those types, I am sick of them). She was quiet, shy even, and looked like she had been through a lot, this just got me interested in her but not much more at this point.
Anyway we were all pre-drinking one night (this was probably around freshers week) and I was playing my music from my laptop for everyone like I always have. Anyway she was pretty much sitting next to me this whole time, talking to me and just flirting very slightly. Whilst playing my music she was like 'omg, you like brand new!'. My jaw dropped because I love this band brand new and they aren't very popular to begin with. We instantly made a connection because I will 'love' anybody (notice 'love' not Love) with the same interest in music as me because of how much passion I have for music. I found out things about her like she is pansexual (look it up I cba to explain).
Anyway we just started talking more and more each night and eventually people were suspecting we liked each other and so was I. I knew I wanted to play it cool, I didn't want to fresia up this relationship, so I let this attraction slip a bit and I continued going out. I got with a few people (I didn't have sex with anyone) including a different girl form my halls who I was kissing and dancing with all night despite her having a boyfriend, we got close to having sex but I didn't want to morally so I didn't try.
A few days later we were all pre-drinking again. She was flirting with me loads by this point. I wanted this, I wanted her to come to me which is why I played it cool for a few days. Anyway whilst we were flirting I moved in for the kiss. That was it, we were kissing all night, at the club and everything. We slept together but didn't have sex.
Now I was fully attracted to her and every night was the same, eventually we had sex. We began to spend loads of time together, being in the same halls. Time went on and she met my family, went to my house and all that. We even spent hours in bed talking about everything in our lives up to this point. She was in a three year relationship a year before meeting me. We also talked about our relationship and how "the longer you treat me this way the harder it is going to be if you leave me" (or something to that degree) which made me seriously think of whether to get with this girl or not. On one hand if I stayed with her I felt like I would be missing out on true uni life (going out, getting with countless girls and experiencing it all). On the other hand I thought of how much I liked her and what I would have to lose if I left her. She basically told me if you want to stay with me then I want it to be serious.
Anyways, after about one month or something people decided to put up this 'Sex Chart' in the halls where everyone's name was put up with a tally of how many times they had sex since starting uni. I put one of course but as I looked at it later I found that 'may' had put three. This really got to me but I decided not to show how much it pissed me off. I eventually but calmly confronted her about it, she told me she slept with a guy from the halls and a guy from her anime club she joined. She made it clear it was before we fully got together (like around the time I was 'playing it cool' probably).
I let it slide because she was clearly sorry and started getting upset. I was still annoyed bearing in mind we spent ages talking about how she wants a lasting relationship. We still continued 'going out' I suppose you could say. I was really happy being in my first serious relationship with someone I was so into. The whole time I still had this tiny feeling that I am losing out on other experiences socially. Eventually people began to ask 'what are you guys actually doing' 'are you in a relationship, in love etc.' neither of us answered these questions when asked.
Eventually we talked about it and we decided to officially be in a relationship so we put it on facebook. (I waited so long to to determine what I wanted from this relationship and I didn't want it to get too serious too soon). After Christmas together, the relationship was still going strong. She would occasionally go to this 'anime club' of hers. I was still dubious about it and always had the memory of her sleeping with someone from it. I suppose I became a little paranoid and still am about what she gets up to. One night, she went out with her friends from this club. She told me she would be back later on but she later (at about three in the morning) text me saying she was staying at a friends house for the night because they got really drunk and she couldn't get home by herself. I was thinking the whole time she better not be cheating on me but never said it. (remember she likes girls too).
In response to this I decided to go out too. See how she liked it (not that she was trying to get to me although I don't know for sure). I went out with a group of people I knew we all got pretty smashed and I met this girl who was pretty fit, we were flirting with each other a bit because by this stage I was pretty drunk as was she. I think I kissed her on the cheek, hugged her a few times and danced with her but that was as far as I took it. I even went back to her place with a few people and we played ring of fire. She has a boyfriend but I know she was into me. I was also attracted to her but I let it slide because I really like 'may' and didn't want to do such a thing to her even if I got away with it.
Another part of my paranoia is her 'friendship' with a guy from her course. She defiantly speaks to him every, if not almost, every day by text or facebook. I have asked her about how close she is to him and she said she has never got with him nor does she intend to. But she tells me she spends time at his place on breaks at uni and after uni for a while before she gets back here. I'd love to know what they get up to. He has even came to visit our halls too to look around but that is about it. He really pissed me off though; when 'may' met my parents at my uncles rock gig he put on 'may's' facebook wall "how was meet the parents? Good film I think
" to which she replied "Interesting to say the least" (this is a whole new story as to why she found it interesting)... how stupid do they both think I am. I told her how much this pissed me off and she apologised. She even used to take leftover cider with her to drink before going to her lectures because they are boring. WTF is that? I still think there is something going on even to this day.
Other than that it has been pretty smooth in terms of a good relationship, we have even reached the Love stage. I honestly believe I am in Love with her and I don't take that word lightly. She also tells me she Loves me back but I am not sure if she 'loves' me or Loves me. (I may just be completely paranoid) or I may be onto something which is what I believe and if all this turns out to be true I will be f***ing pissed off to say the least. I hate it when people think they are fooling you; you aren't clever. Anybody could cheat if they knew how to lie. I know I could cheat on her and get away with it but I won't.
She still goes out to her anime club now and then but hasn't fully gone to a club with them for a while (I think she knows I didn't like it). I also still go out regularly mostly with her on a night out but occasionally with just friends. ( I even went to a couple of other friend's unis on a couple of weekends). She is actually out now with her 'anime club friends' but I am starting to just trust her (wtf else can I do). Yeah she met these two girls who are obsessed with k-pop.
This brings me onto more things. She is pretty much obsessed with k-pop. She has told me openly she loves the music and finds the female singers attractive (like she would do them) she evens says that she downloads images of them on her laptop and I have seen them (nothing too revealing). This is her major reason why she considers herself pansexual but to be honest I have just accepted this strange taste. (strange to me anyway) I mean it would be pretty hot to have a threesome with one of these hot k-pop singers anyway.
About the k-pop obsession, she has this little laptop and her only pass-time is k-pop. Everything about it 6theory, tumblr, whatever else she just goes around on forums pretty much talking about how fit the girls or boys are in the bands and probably about the music mostly I call it k-popping. She also spends a LOT of time on facebook talking to these girls from her 'anime club' who also love k-pop. And also this guy from her course.
We have been together now for over three months and it has been bothering me because an average day now is she goes to uni, doesn't let me know when she is back (her lesson finishes at 6:15 officially). The only way I know she is back is when she appears online on facebook. I always seem to be the one who says first hey, how was your day, when did you get back etc. I realise we are probably spending way too much time together but it is hard being at the same halls. Lately I have been just staying in my room and letting her text me first or message me first.
Whenever we just relax in the same room together (usually her bedroom or mine) we sit at opposite ends of the bed facing each other but she has her laptop on. I want to see what she gets up to on that laptop, now and then tapping away at that keyboard or hers. I think to myself "who is she talking to, what is she saying". I often see a smile on her face while she looks at the screen. So now and then I go over to her and she almost every time looks really shifty, quickly moving her mouse and clicking almost as if to hide something. I want to know what she is hiding, I have asked what she is doing she just replies "nothing really". It is so annoying the way she positions herself so I can't see the screen and when I go over to her she mover the laptop away or even shuts the lid. What is she hiding?
What also strikes me as odd is how laid back she is with protection. I was the first to bring up the fact we should use protection. She told me has never been pregnant in the three years with her previous boyfriend and he hardly ever used condoms, he just pulled out last second. She hasn't even been protecting herself this whole time with pills, injections or any other means. She has told me that she strongly dislikes kids and never wants a child. She said if she goes crazy for some reason she will adopt a child. Is this just part of her sexuality? It also leads me to believe she can't get pregnant and she just doesn't want to tell me. I do want kids some day but not in the near future.
Now for my final problem. We are almost over with the contract of our halls and we are moving in to the same house in August. We are next door to each other in the house too. I have realised this was a very bad move. We didn't even discuss it when we were both asked if we want this house, we both said yes.
I know that my relationship is already a bit close as in there is no space in our individual lives so when we move in to this house it will be worse. She has already told me that she is going to have a 'onsie' party in her room with her 'anime club' friends. God knows what that is going to be like to listen to. Also living together, what if we break up? How awkward will that be! And on top of that I will be living in a house where I will be the only straight guy. I honestly wonder what my situation is going to be by next year. I hope that me and 'may' will still be in a relationship and a good one with all of my problems resolved.
Well what a long winded story but that is my uni life so far and it has had its ups and downs but mostly ups. I just want your opinions on what I should do about these thoughts that are really getting to me.
I have condensed it into all the questions I asked:
What should I do?
Does she Love me?
Do I Love her?
Is having a relationship at uni a bad idea?
Why does she not want kids, why is she so laid back about protection?
Am I being paranoid, clingy etc.?
What is she hiding on her laptop?
Also living together, what if we break up? How awkward will that be!
And if my girlfriend ever finds this then I am probably f***ed so if you are reading this, come and talk to me now. (I am so paranoid :/)
If anyone (including my girlfriend) has read all of this, I take my hat off to your my friend :O
So I started uni back in September last year and met the everyone at my halls. They all seemed to be pretty awesome and we all connected. We played many drinking games, I decided who I was attracted to, who was attracted to me (which seemed to be most the girls and even two of the boys who are gay awwwkward) and who I didn't like quite very quickly. I'd like to point out at this stage that at this point I was a virgin and had told everyone in my halls. Later more people arrived including this one girl (let's call her 'may' jusst in case). Yeah well I knew from the beginning there was something different about this girl; she was more mature and had a head on her shoulders, less like those screeechy 'look at me' girls (you know those types, I am sick of them). She was quiet, shy even, and looked like she had been through a lot, this just got me interested in her but not much more at this point.
Anyway we were all pre-drinking one night (this was probably around freshers week) and I was playing my music from my laptop for everyone like I always have. Anyway she was pretty much sitting next to me this whole time, talking to me and just flirting very slightly. Whilst playing my music she was like 'omg, you like brand new!'. My jaw dropped because I love this band brand new and they aren't very popular to begin with. We instantly made a connection because I will 'love' anybody (notice 'love' not Love) with the same interest in music as me because of how much passion I have for music. I found out things about her like she is pansexual (look it up I cba to explain).
Anyway we just started talking more and more each night and eventually people were suspecting we liked each other and so was I. I knew I wanted to play it cool, I didn't want to fresia up this relationship, so I let this attraction slip a bit and I continued going out. I got with a few people (I didn't have sex with anyone) including a different girl form my halls who I was kissing and dancing with all night despite her having a boyfriend, we got close to having sex but I didn't want to morally so I didn't try.
A few days later we were all pre-drinking again. She was flirting with me loads by this point. I wanted this, I wanted her to come to me which is why I played it cool for a few days. Anyway whilst we were flirting I moved in for the kiss. That was it, we were kissing all night, at the club and everything. We slept together but didn't have sex.
Now I was fully attracted to her and every night was the same, eventually we had sex. We began to spend loads of time together, being in the same halls. Time went on and she met my family, went to my house and all that. We even spent hours in bed talking about everything in our lives up to this point. She was in a three year relationship a year before meeting me. We also talked about our relationship and how "the longer you treat me this way the harder it is going to be if you leave me" (or something to that degree) which made me seriously think of whether to get with this girl or not. On one hand if I stayed with her I felt like I would be missing out on true uni life (going out, getting with countless girls and experiencing it all). On the other hand I thought of how much I liked her and what I would have to lose if I left her. She basically told me if you want to stay with me then I want it to be serious.
Anyways, after about one month or something people decided to put up this 'Sex Chart' in the halls where everyone's name was put up with a tally of how many times they had sex since starting uni. I put one of course but as I looked at it later I found that 'may' had put three. This really got to me but I decided not to show how much it pissed me off. I eventually but calmly confronted her about it, she told me she slept with a guy from the halls and a guy from her anime club she joined. She made it clear it was before we fully got together (like around the time I was 'playing it cool' probably).
I let it slide because she was clearly sorry and started getting upset. I was still annoyed bearing in mind we spent ages talking about how she wants a lasting relationship. We still continued 'going out' I suppose you could say. I was really happy being in my first serious relationship with someone I was so into. The whole time I still had this tiny feeling that I am losing out on other experiences socially. Eventually people began to ask 'what are you guys actually doing' 'are you in a relationship, in love etc.' neither of us answered these questions when asked.
Eventually we talked about it and we decided to officially be in a relationship so we put it on facebook. (I waited so long to to determine what I wanted from this relationship and I didn't want it to get too serious too soon). After Christmas together, the relationship was still going strong. She would occasionally go to this 'anime club' of hers. I was still dubious about it and always had the memory of her sleeping with someone from it. I suppose I became a little paranoid and still am about what she gets up to. One night, she went out with her friends from this club. She told me she would be back later on but she later (at about three in the morning) text me saying she was staying at a friends house for the night because they got really drunk and she couldn't get home by herself. I was thinking the whole time she better not be cheating on me but never said it. (remember she likes girls too).
In response to this I decided to go out too. See how she liked it (not that she was trying to get to me although I don't know for sure). I went out with a group of people I knew we all got pretty smashed and I met this girl who was pretty fit, we were flirting with each other a bit because by this stage I was pretty drunk as was she. I think I kissed her on the cheek, hugged her a few times and danced with her but that was as far as I took it. I even went back to her place with a few people and we played ring of fire. She has a boyfriend but I know she was into me. I was also attracted to her but I let it slide because I really like 'may' and didn't want to do such a thing to her even if I got away with it.
Another part of my paranoia is her 'friendship' with a guy from her course. She defiantly speaks to him every, if not almost, every day by text or facebook. I have asked her about how close she is to him and she said she has never got with him nor does she intend to. But she tells me she spends time at his place on breaks at uni and after uni for a while before she gets back here. I'd love to know what they get up to. He has even came to visit our halls too to look around but that is about it. He really pissed me off though; when 'may' met my parents at my uncles rock gig he put on 'may's' facebook wall "how was meet the parents? Good film I think
" to which she replied "Interesting to say the least" (this is a whole new story as to why she found it interesting)... how stupid do they both think I am. I told her how much this pissed me off and she apologised. She even used to take leftover cider with her to drink before going to her lectures because they are boring. WTF is that? I still think there is something going on even to this day.Other than that it has been pretty smooth in terms of a good relationship, we have even reached the Love stage. I honestly believe I am in Love with her and I don't take that word lightly. She also tells me she Loves me back but I am not sure if she 'loves' me or Loves me. (I may just be completely paranoid) or I may be onto something which is what I believe and if all this turns out to be true I will be f***ing pissed off to say the least. I hate it when people think they are fooling you; you aren't clever. Anybody could cheat if they knew how to lie. I know I could cheat on her and get away with it but I won't.
She still goes out to her anime club now and then but hasn't fully gone to a club with them for a while (I think she knows I didn't like it). I also still go out regularly mostly with her on a night out but occasionally with just friends. ( I even went to a couple of other friend's unis on a couple of weekends). She is actually out now with her 'anime club friends' but I am starting to just trust her (wtf else can I do). Yeah she met these two girls who are obsessed with k-pop.
This brings me onto more things. She is pretty much obsessed with k-pop. She has told me openly she loves the music and finds the female singers attractive (like she would do them) she evens says that she downloads images of them on her laptop and I have seen them (nothing too revealing). This is her major reason why she considers herself pansexual but to be honest I have just accepted this strange taste. (strange to me anyway) I mean it would be pretty hot to have a threesome with one of these hot k-pop singers anyway.
About the k-pop obsession, she has this little laptop and her only pass-time is k-pop. Everything about it 6theory, tumblr, whatever else she just goes around on forums pretty much talking about how fit the girls or boys are in the bands and probably about the music mostly I call it k-popping. She also spends a LOT of time on facebook talking to these girls from her 'anime club' who also love k-pop. And also this guy from her course.
We have been together now for over three months and it has been bothering me because an average day now is she goes to uni, doesn't let me know when she is back (her lesson finishes at 6:15 officially). The only way I know she is back is when she appears online on facebook. I always seem to be the one who says first hey, how was your day, when did you get back etc. I realise we are probably spending way too much time together but it is hard being at the same halls. Lately I have been just staying in my room and letting her text me first or message me first.
Whenever we just relax in the same room together (usually her bedroom or mine) we sit at opposite ends of the bed facing each other but she has her laptop on. I want to see what she gets up to on that laptop, now and then tapping away at that keyboard or hers. I think to myself "who is she talking to, what is she saying". I often see a smile on her face while she looks at the screen. So now and then I go over to her and she almost every time looks really shifty, quickly moving her mouse and clicking almost as if to hide something. I want to know what she is hiding, I have asked what she is doing she just replies "nothing really". It is so annoying the way she positions herself so I can't see the screen and when I go over to her she mover the laptop away or even shuts the lid. What is she hiding?
What also strikes me as odd is how laid back she is with protection. I was the first to bring up the fact we should use protection. She told me has never been pregnant in the three years with her previous boyfriend and he hardly ever used condoms, he just pulled out last second. She hasn't even been protecting herself this whole time with pills, injections or any other means. She has told me that she strongly dislikes kids and never wants a child. She said if she goes crazy for some reason she will adopt a child. Is this just part of her sexuality? It also leads me to believe she can't get pregnant and she just doesn't want to tell me. I do want kids some day but not in the near future.
Now for my final problem. We are almost over with the contract of our halls and we are moving in to the same house in August. We are next door to each other in the house too. I have realised this was a very bad move. We didn't even discuss it when we were both asked if we want this house, we both said yes.
I know that my relationship is already a bit close as in there is no space in our individual lives so when we move in to this house it will be worse. She has already told me that she is going to have a 'onsie' party in her room with her 'anime club' friends. God knows what that is going to be like to listen to. Also living together, what if we break up? How awkward will that be! And on top of that I will be living in a house where I will be the only straight guy. I honestly wonder what my situation is going to be by next year. I hope that me and 'may' will still be in a relationship and a good one with all of my problems resolved.
Well what a long winded story but that is my uni life so far and it has had its ups and downs but mostly ups. I just want your opinions on what I should do about these thoughts that are really getting to me.
I have condensed it into all the questions I asked:
What should I do?
Does she Love me?
Do I Love her?
Is having a relationship at uni a bad idea?
Why does she not want kids, why is she so laid back about protection?
Am I being paranoid, clingy etc.?
What is she hiding on her laptop?
Also living together, what if we break up? How awkward will that be!
And if my girlfriend ever finds this then I am probably f***ed so if you are reading this, come and talk to me now. (I am so paranoid :/)
If anyone (including my girlfriend) has read all of this, I take my hat off to your my friend :O
