My Default is Now to Assume Im Being Lied To

[Alone By Faults]

The "closer" I get to a person or even a business associate, I now feel that what they will tell me will be more likely to be a lie than the truth....

Sad....Casual conversations I do not think of it much but the most important people or business relations I now think they will lie to me.

Woke up today hoping that one of the two things that people would tell me they would do they would follow through on. I saw that it went zero for two and it did not anger me. I knew it and was ready to go on with my day.

Scary that I would just accept it....need new people or maybe none...

WOW

 

[jaguarundi]

It isn't always a lie, they might very well mean it at the time they say it.

Going through life that way us going to make you very cynical and bitter. And if you look for lies, cheats or anything bad in your life, be sure you will always find it. And you will throw out or ignore the good stuff

Expectations ..disappointed expectations.. can be ruinous.

Just don't expect lies.

Don't expect good stuff either. Just be glad when you get it.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I know what you mean and I agree with Jag. Sounds like you have some trust issues too.

Sometimes people say things to be nice without realizing what they are actually promising. It is easy to get yourself into something then realize after what that really entails. There are people who just go along in life saying things with no real thought. I don't know how they do it, when someone would as me something my brain starts going on whether or not I can do it, how uncomfortable the situation makes me, what it is they are actually asking of me, etc, and I've never promised anything to anyone unless I know I can 100% follow through, otherwise I just say "maybe" or "we'll see" or "ask me about that later". I can't stand someone who promises you something or says sure and never follows through with it.

 

[Alone By Faults]

It is the expectation game. I allow myself to feel hope. It does not mean that now people are going to lie more...it just means that I would take note more and feel the pain.

It is a shallow existence but I tire of being disappointed and can see why isolation is the path that some choose

 

[TheRealCallie]

Everything anyone says could be a lie or the truth. You can't really know unless they follow through on what they said. It seems like you have high expectations of people. Maybe because you wouldn't lie, you expect others to not lie, as well? If that's the case, you can't really hold people to what they do, just because it's not what you would do because they aren't you. They are their own person and they have their own standards and morals. If that's not the case, well, you may be reading too much into what people say to you or you may be looking for people to lie so you don't have to trust them.

Here's what I can tell you. It doesn't matter what people SAY, it matters what they DO. Actions speak louder than words in pretty much any situation you will find yourself in. Expectations lead to disappointments, whether your expectations or good or bad, chances are, they won't be what you are expecting, so stop expecting.

 

[Alone By Faults]

Ok the real callie....asking advice...not trying to be argumentative

two cases. One say I will pay you today or tomorrow.. Naturally I wake up this morning and see that their has been no transfer has been made. Wed was the tomorrow they were talking about.

second one. Communication with the ex. Friendly level for the last three days...she takes the time out of her day to contact me first..usually does not do that. Now the aha moment comes when out of the blue she asks how my finances are..I answer honestly. Since her getting that answer, the communication is back to the normal pattern where unless I do not contact then silence is the norm again. The second one is more manipulaton maybe but I honestly expect it now.


Problem is with me...just dont know what to do besides isolate at this point

 

[Sci-Fi]

It is the expectation game. I allow myself to feel hope. It does not mean that now people are going to lie more...it just means that I would take note more and feel the pain.

It is a shallow existence but I tire of being disappointed and can see why isolation is the path that some choose

Hmm yeah been there. Sucks when you are let down, had a friend in high school who was good at doing that. Some people you just have to take with a grain of salt as they say and really hold zero expectation with them. That way when they let you down it isn't a big surprise and you knew it was coming and never count on them, heck even make secondary plans or have a back-up if they don't inevitably follow through.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Ok the real callie....asking advice...not trying to be argumentative

two cases. One say I will pay you today or tomorrow.. Naturally I wake up this morning and see that their has been no transfer has been made. Wed was the tomorrow they were talking about.

second one. Communication with the ex. Friendly level for the last three days...she takes the time out of her day to contact me first..usually does not do that. Now the aha moment comes when out of the blue she asks how my finances are..I answer honestly. Since her getting that answer, the communication is back to the normal pattern where unless I do not contact then silence is the norm again. The second one is more manipulaton maybe but I honestly expect it now.


Problem is with me...just dont know what to do besides isolate at this point

Well, when it's dealing with pay, that's one of the few exceptions to the rule, IMO. If you did a job for someone and they said they would pay you on a specific day, it SHOULD be paid to you on that day. Personally, I would call and find out what happen and tell them you would like to be paid, as told you would be.

Exes are a touchy spot and honestly, you should never have expectations on them. Yes, they can be manipulative, but if you know they are and could be, you can generally avoid it. If the only time she calls and is nice to you is when she wants something, I would honestly stop having contact with her unless you have to.

Isolating yourself isn't a solution, it's an escape and it's basically running away from the problem, IMO. Don't back down from the pay situation, you deserve it, as you likely did something to earn it. But with the ex, what do you gain from staying in contact with her? Now, if you have kids together, it's another story and I will revise what I say about that.

As for what else you can do, well, you could train yourself to not care so much. People will lie, you can't stop that, but you can change how you deal with it when it does happen.

 

[Alone By Faults]

Thank you all for your answers, well wishes, and attmepts to help me out. I do thank you.

Does it have to come where I have to train myself not to care so much...a sad world I have made for myself....

 

[shadetree]

If you notice a couple of the other posts mentioned no expectations. Thats basically the key. When something doesnt go how you expect it to go it leads to dissapointment. Rather than me try to explain it and butcher it, take some time and read this article it may help you.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/are-your-expectations-setting-you-up-for-disappointment/

Its all about perception of events, it can truly change your life for the better.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Thank you all for your answers, well wishes, and attmepts to help me out. I do thank you.

Does it have to come where I have to train myself not to care so much...a sad world I have made for myself....

"Train" may have been the wrong word, but some people need to retrain their brains to be able to do it. The key is to not let it bother you as much as it did before. I mean, what do you gain by letting it get to you so much that you feel you have to isolate yourself? Nothing, except being alone and not trusting anyone.
Have you never lied to anyone? Have you never told something you didn't 100% mean to someone to spare their feeling or not allow something to get blown out of proportion in some way or another? In all in how you choose to deal with it. People can be hurtful and manipulative or whatever, but YOU are the one that chooses if you let it bother you or not.

 

[jaguarundi]

Thank you all for your answers, well wishes, and attmepts to help me out. I do thank you.

Does it have to come where I have to train myself not to care so much...a sad world I have made for myself....

I don't think its a question of training yourself not to care so much.

I think its a question of training yourself not to take things personally.

People have other priorities, other things on their minds and in their lives. I know that I am careful not to promise to meet or call or be on touch with a certain friend (any friend, actually ) unless I can be sure of doing it. And i will stagger off my death bed almost, not to let her down.

She however has no compunction in letting me down. Why? She has a husband and other family, they come first for her. I don't. I have fewer ties than her so she is higher up on my "list" than I am on hers. She doesn't think of it that way, but that is basically the bottom line. It isn't personal, its just the way it is.

And one's attitude can then make a difference here. If you are a lonely person, every contact is precious. Not the case for everyone else. People ask " how are you"... They are being polite, they don't want to know the truth, it makes them uncomfortable, worse, guilty.

And people don't want to be around someone who makes them feel uncomfortable or guilty. If they don't carry something out, whining, quarrelling or making them feel uncomfortable about it will drive them further away. The very opposite of what one wants. Being understanding ( hard, so hard sometimes,) or at least saying, 'I'm disappointed but I understand, ' will mean they will have better feelings and try to do what they say the next time.