my family

[sallekhana]

ok so my dad grew up in a very bad family. i mean a few times he says he held a gun to his dad's head telling him to stop beating my grandma. so he treats me rough. he wont hit me or anything but he has very low expectations for me. he thinks i'm not worth honeysuckle. he's told me. its just the way he was raised. my mom was raised in a very very good family. very close very christian. no disappointment. so she sees me as "you can be and do better" when really i'm doing the best i can. so i keep failing her cause i can't meet her expectations. so i'm a disappointment. she's told me. now my two brothers...casey, my twin. i love him. i really do but he's had a rough life. he has hydrosephlus. he's had 14 brain surgeries. so he and my mom look at my situation as "look what we've been through...we cant feel sorry for you" seeing my twin brother who i love come close to dying is the biggest mental wear and physical wear on me ever. plus every person has their own individual problems. just because someone has it worse doesn't mean that person's problems mean nothing to them. its just as bad. then my older brother jacob, he has never been through anything individually. he doesn't understand. so my situation to him looks like i'm "a pussy" his words not mine. i love him but he's a dick. thats my words. my whole family loves to point out my imperfections so everyday...and its everyday i can't help but feel like a worthless disappointing concieted pussy. i know they love me but not as much as the others. i'm the blacksheep and i kinda want it that way. i want casey to get more attention and love because what he goes through. i want jacob to get more love and attention because he's moving out and will soon be gone. i just want some love and attention for myself. i'm sorry i just had to get this all out. had to vent.

 

[Spare]

Don't apologize; venting can be good. This is a very good place for venting.

Don't worry about your family's standards. You need to set your own standards for yourself, and live up to them on your own terms. If everbody had to live up to everbody else's standards, we'd all go crazy.

 

[sallekhana]

i've live 18 years with those standards and my lesson learned is set low standards for yourself and you will achive. so needless to say... my self-esteem isn't the greatest and after 18 years its gonna take twice as long to fix that...and until then i wont get girlfriends, i wont succeed or get far in writing because i think they suck so i wont get them published and i'll end up dying sad alone and disappointed. my life is messed

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Aww man I feel your pain. I can't count how many times my parents have told me that I'm "never going to ammount to anything" Or that I'm going to "Die alone in the streets" It's a real crusher to hear your own parents, that are supposed to love you and help you until you can stand on your own, say things like that. But just remember one thing man, YOU decide what happens to you. Your father has no say in what you do after you're an adult, and him saying that you "Won't ammount to honeysuckle" means nothing, it's just empty words. Prove him wrong man! Your life isn't messed. I used to think the same exact thing, and that almost led me to suicide. So please, don't go down that road, you'll be hurting more people than just you man.