Pennywise said:
Thanks sun35 for your answer, it is always great to see someone taking their time to make a good answer
So i'am very surpirised it is like you are reading my mind, how is that possible? Everything you told is right.
That's alright. You asked how is it possible that everything I told you was right?. Well honestly sometimes, I surprise myself. I am a very logical person and so I always look at things logically, I read the facts and then say whatever I think is logically correct. I suppose it's a skill that I have
Pennywise said:
First of all, exactly, i had no luck in my life. That is the problem, i had to travel during my teens and was put in a completly different country with a language and culture that i knew nothing about. I was a only child and already had problem approaching other kids. I also ended up making many bad choice mainly to please my parents and familly.
Whatever you have said I have heard this many times before and you are not the only person who is saying this. I really don't know why people don't understand the fact that you have to live your life for yourself and not for others. You are not alone, many people do things just for the sake of doing and for pleasing others, just like you said you made many bad choices just to please your parents. That is definitely not the right way to lead your life. Once a person starts doing things for the sake of doing, they will have to keep doing it for their lifetime and so once you start doing things to only please your parents then you will have to keep doing it for the rest of your life. I mean it becomes some sort of mental block for the person who is doing things for others, so they themselves can't come out of it easily( even if they want too).
I don't know why people don't understand this simple logic? it's not some rocket science,it's a simple logic, you are not alone many people live their life pleasing others, sacrificing their happiness for other or for their parents and then they write the exact similar sentences that you have written, in the end they only get unhappiness and nothing else. When they realize it's too late for them to change. Hence you are not alone in this. I have heard and read this many times so I can understand.
The logic is no matter who has done what for you, no matter what your parents may have done for you, the logic is it's still your life and you have to live your life. Yes, you should have the respect for your parents,and for people for whatever they did for you but you shouldn't sacrifice your life for their sake, you shouldn't do things only to please them. That is not intelligence, honestly speaking that is foolishness.
I mean you have just 1 life to live and so what is the point if you have not lived your life the way you wanted too? where is your pride in that? At your old age when you look back at your life will you happy thinking that you lived your life the way you wanted or will you be happy thinking that you lived your life to please others? Which one will give your more happiness?
You have 1 life so why not live it your way?right?
However it's good that you at least realize your mistake. Now that you have realized so you will do what it takes to change.
Pennywise said:
That is what pisses me off! I know i have the potential to be like everyone else, to socialise, have friends and people who like me. If my life have been different surely i would have been done great. However in this reallity i feel like everything went wrong and now it is late, not too late i hope, to go back on the right track.
Well, it might seem late but logically speaking it's better late than never. The good thing is you have realized it, so no it's never too late to start a change. Realization is the first step towards change. It will be difficult no doubt, but you will have to persist in your attempts.
Pennywise said:
Another point you are right about is that i lack self confidence, and you are not the first one who told me that. Some people that i tried to speak about my issues told me they were feeling the same way about me. However it is strange because i know i have the possibility to do better, the potential, but no clue how to get there. Can you please explain further how did you knew that from my writings? That means i really have negative vibes i have to overcome. I hope to understand more about this so i can do someting about it.
Well, as I said I am a logical person so it was very obvious and clear from the way you wrote about your experiences and about yourself as well. As I said, confidence or lack of confidence is something that is easily visible and people can easily sense that. People can come to know about your confidence levels, either by the way you write, express yourself or by what you do, that is your actions.
Confidence or lack of confidence can be easily seen by others, even if they have average intelligence and observation. Yes, the vibes that you give can also be sensed by people, body language etc.
what you can do is you need to understand where you are lacking, and work towards those areas, you need to make yourself more and more secure and more importantly you need to stop comparing yourself with others. Don't get into unnecessary competitions, arguments etc. You must understand that everyone has different potentials, different skills and talents. Hence just believe in yourself and do what you are excellent in doing. Do what you do best. Don't care about what people will think about you.
One more point as I said before, never ever fake yourself to impress women. Never do that, it's is very unattractive and women can see right through that. It's better to be a true person, and show who you are really are, show your real talent, your actual potential rather than worrying about society, comparing yourself with people. Always be true to yourself, remember your identity is more important to you than anything else. That should be your top priority( logically speaking)
Yes, I understand that having a girlfriend is your priority, or may be that is a priority for you, that might be important but just ask yourself is it more important than being true to yourself? is having a girlfriend a higher priority than showing your real, true self? is having a girlfriend more important than your own identity?
I am not saying that you should forget about having a girlfriend, that's not what I mean. I am speaking comparatively. If you want to have a girlfriend than you should achieve that by showing your true self, being true to yourself and never by faking yourself. You certainly can't fake yourself forever but you can be your true self forever.
Right?
Pennywise said:
As for the gf dilemma, it is a tricky situation. Of course i would be so happy to have someone who really cares about me, someone to love, but is this someone really exists? and if yes can she possibly still be single?
Now, these are very good questions. I would say yes there is a good possibility of that person existing. Why not?. Yes she can also be single, possible again but I can't say the percentage of that possibility. It's certainly possible but whether it's likely or unlikely that can't be said for sure.
Pennywise said:
Also knowing if it is the right person when you meet someone for the first time is something that takes time. Today i see people french kissing when they know each other for less than 2 hours! Like in the exemple i have in that club, but i'am not into that. How could i approach a girl without all the bullshit to first know if she is the right one? I think i have this problem due to my lack of experience on the subject, a real vicious circle
Well, it's very difficult to come to the conclusion that the person you are meeting first time is the right person or not. I don't think it's possible to decide in first meeting itself and it's never a good way of going about things. One should go on dates, a good number of dates before coming to any sort of conclusion. Logically it's not possible to know someone within 2 hours itself, it's too short a time period to know anyone. It's fine if you are not into all, don't let whatever you see affect you. Remember you are unique in your own ways.
Well there is one to know if she is the right one or not. However it also depends on your thinking, there are two types of people basically, one is those who don't have any standards as such, they are very open-minded and they give everyone a chance before coming to conclusion, or it's possible they have standards but they are flexible and very accomodating and not very high as well. Second is those people who have high standards, in both physical looks and personality and they won't be satisfied until they get what they want. Now both the type of people can get the kind of woman they want and both have their drawbacks, it depends as to which way you are willing to follow. Depends on what you want and your thought process
If you have decided to follow the first way, then there are two sub-methods in that as well. One is you should have the courage to approach women and pursue them and you need to keep on doing this until you can find a woman who likes you back. The drawback of first method is it will not work if you are not good at talking to women, it will not work if you are not good at flirting or making friends with women and moreover you will have to go through rejections, heartbreaks,failures and so on and this can affect you as a person. This can take a mental toll on you.
Second method is you can just " WAIT" for the woman to approach you, you can wait for a woman to like you and then you both can take it forward. However at least you can be assured that some day or the other you will at least have one girlfriend, why? because it's possible that someday a woman may like you and then you can try out things and see how it goes. However the drawback is waiting, and you never know how long you may have to wait and moreover there is no guarantee in waiting, no woman may ever like you so you have to be prepared for that. This is an easier method because here you would simply wait for a woman to like you and pursue you and there is very little effort on your end.
I think given the kind of person you are and what you have mentioned about yourself, I think the second sub method probably suits you well. Finally it's your decision.
The second way is to have standards for the kind of woman you want in your life. I am not sure if you have standards for the kind of woman you want in your life, but if you don't then it wouldn't be wrong to start having some standards, now the standards should necessarily be drafted keeping in mind the kind of morals, values, the thinking you have as a person and so that way you may attract the kind of woman you want in your life. That way you will have the chance to get exactly the same woman that you want in your life.
However let me tell you the drawback of having high standards means waiting, and this wait can be for a really long time as well. It can also be indefinite, but having high standards shows that a man knows himself very well and he is confident , he knows what he wants in life.
It's fine if you are inexperienced, nobody is born as an expert or an experienced person. You can always get your experience. I hope whatever I have written helps you in some way. Ask me if you didn't understand anything.
