need advice

[AGuest]

ok, I haven't talked to anyone in my life about this. I guess it's about time say something because I think it's slowly killing me.

There is this guy, a friend, that I have been having casual sex with on a regular basis. I've known him for only a year or so and during that time, I've grown exptremely close to him and might even say I love him. The problem is, he does not want to be my boyfriend. And the bigger problem is, i've asked him numerous times why and what's wrong with me, and everything else. And everytime it's the same thing, He doesn't feel that way about me.
The problem is, he is my only friend. I depend on him for affection and companionship. I know what I would've done ages ago if he wasn't the only thing in my life, but since he is, I can't let him go. I have recently stopped having sex with him, which I'm sure he hates like hell, but I feel like I want to have sex with him again. I mean, is there a way around this?? Can I have sex with this guy I really like and not go totally insane thinking about how he will never want to be with me??
I just want to be around him, love him and give him my love. Some days I am able to do this without the crazy attachment i feel, but then others, I am a wreck. I don't feel safe with my emotions, but at the same time I trust him as a friend that he will not ever try to hurt me intentionally.
I'm just so confused and this situtations got me feeling worse than when I was alone. help please??

 

[Leef `c]

Why do you want to give someone your love who's not accepting it? It's a pretty obvious thing that he only sees you as a sex toy. If he doesn't have the same feelings for you, then stop putting yourself out and giving him what he wants. Just ignore him. This can't be a healthy thing for you if it's making you feel like this.

Dip. Find someone better for you.

 

[Unacceptance]

That didn't sound like a relationship that was going to go anywhere anyway, when it starts as using someone as a means to an end.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I mean what kind of friend would treat a friend as a sex toy ?
He's not even close to being your friend.
He's just using you.

Most women will have an attachment to their sex partner for 72 hours anyway.

I did that when I was younger. Of course it starts off as we just have sex.
Save sex becuase ..you know, we didn't want to sleep with everyone.
She cuaght me on the rebound. I wasn't emotionally avaliable for her.
But she started falling in love with me. I couldn't love her the way she needed
to be love.

It wasn't her,it was me.

I had to walk away, no matter how much she wanted me to stay or beg me to come back.
I couldn't continue hurting her anymore. None of that lets just be friends..

I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Please don't hate yourself

 

[Bluey]

Well am guessing that she enjoys the sex as well. Sex with emotional freedom? I don't know. I don't think I could do it but I know a lot of guys that could and maybe only one girl that could.

If you can enjoy the time you have together and then not beat your self up over him when he's not there then why not? You just have to understand that if this guy gets someone he wants to be with then he well probably drop you in an instant. But then I get the impression if you got a guy that was showing you some love and treating you better you would also drop him in a flash. I think your kinder using one another.

I think the best thing you can do is go find some one that's going to be just for you an no one else and dump this ******-bag.

 

[bookbinder]

Find someone else to have sex with.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well...havn't heard this saying that women use ?

"To get over a man is to get under a man."

I'm not trying to be mean. You're falling in love with him. You're getting attach to him.
You both probably told each other.."don't fall in love." when you went into it.

You crossed that threashold. There's no turning back. You're always going to have
that mind trip if you contine to have sex with him...which is tearing you apart now.
Even if he did LEARNED to love you and married you someday.
You'll constantly be kissing his ass and he'll probably cheat on you too.
Even on an emotional level..sometimes that'll hurt even more than the physical act itself.
The simple fact that he dosn't truley love you.

A part of you also knows..you want more and deserve better. That's why it's tearing you apart.

 

[a lion]

Have you told him how you feel? If he doesn't want to be your boyfriend that is a clear indicator that you should move on. You may love him, but you will find love with someone else, someone who will give you love in return. If you continue this relationship, I fear it will just be wasted time and you will regret it down the road.

Move on, you deserve better.

 

[Tramp]

Wow, you're making it so easy for him to use you. Sorry for being harsh, but that's what's happening here. You wanted advice, well, here it is: stay away from him. Don't worry about being alone - you'll make friends alright.

 

[Blue2008]

ok, I haven't talked to anyone in my life about this. I guess it's about time say something because I think it's slowly killing me.

There is this guy, a friend, that I have been having casual sex with on a regular basis. I've known him for only a year or so and during that time, I've grown exptremely close to him and might even say I love him. The problem is, he does not want to be my boyfriend. And the bigger problem is, i've asked him numerous times why and what's wrong with me, and everything else. And everytime it's the same thing, He doesn't feel that way about me.
The problem is, he is my only friend. I depend on him for affection and companionship. I know what I would've done ages ago if he wasn't the only thing in my life, but since he is, I can't let him go. I have recently stopped having sex with him, which I'm sure he hates like hell, but I feel like I want to have sex with him again. I mean, is there a way around this?? Can I have sex with this guy I really like and not go totally insane thinking about how he will never want to be with me??
I just want to be around him, love him and give him my love. Some days I am able to do this without the crazy attachment i feel, but then others, I am a wreck. I don't feel safe with my emotions, but at the same time I trust him as a friend that he will not ever try to hurt me intentionally.
I'm just so confused and this situtations got me feeling worse than when I was alone. help please??

quote
I think it's slowly killing me.

I truly believe you have the answer to what you need to do. I know it's very scary to be alone, but for your own sanity and self worth you may need to let go of this person at this time. This may be hard for you to hear, but I don't believe this person is your friend. There are men and women that lead others along to get what they want, they will manipulate you in the areas where you are the weakest to get what they want, while leaving you feeling empty and confused. Trust your instincts, when you do something he doesn't like does he manipulate you into doing things you say you don't want to do? Have you ever felt you were in danger if you didn't do something he wanted? Does he tell you stories of things he may have done to other making you believe he would never do it to you? Does he hurt you, then give you a gift to stay on your good side? Does he make dates with you then not show up or take off soon after arriving? Does he try to make schedules of when you can see each other that make you feel uncomfortable?
If you have answered yes to one or some of these question it is time to make your decision on what you really need for yourself and be firm with it. You don't have to post the answers to the questions unless you really want to, the questions are just to help you think things through.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

Why do you want to give someone your love who's not accepting it? It's a pretty obvious thing that he only sees you as a sex toy. If he doesn't have the same feelings for you, then stop putting yourself out and giving him what he wants. Just ignore him. This can't be a healthy thing for you if it's making you feel like this.

Dip. Find someone better for you.

This /\

Great advice right there.

 

[davechaos]

Hiya

I feel for you...one true friend and you have grown incredibly close to them...but are the feelings shared both ways?

My first marriage was desperate in the end. I tried to hang on to everything I possibly could and yet my wife didn't feel the same...it didnt't matter what I did...it was never going to be any different...but she was also the one person who I considered to be my best friend.

If you want my advice...you have to break this off. You can't love someone that much if they don't. They may well end up resenting you for it...or worse...using you for it.

Sorry I can't be a little more positive.

 

[samba101]

Time to move on and find someone that can be there for you fully, and who deserves your love.

 

[AGuest]

thanks for all your thoughtful replies. It's been about a couple of weeks or so since I posted this, and to update... I withheld sex for a couple of days and on the third day I did it again:S I'm so weak around him. It's like my rational mind knows exactly what I'm doing wrong, and knows exactly what I have to do to make it right, but all rationale totally and utterly escapes me when I'm in bed with him.
How do guys do it, have sex without getting attached?? I mean, seriously, what goes through your minds??