Need help coping with being ugly.

[Triple Bogey]

No one is ugly, no one!

some people are less attractive than others.
I think you have got to make the most out of what you look like.

 

[jzinsky]

No one is ugly, no one!

some people are less attractive than others.
I think you have got to make the most out of what you look like.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and my eye beholds beauty in all women, unless they're bitches, in the nasty sense

 

[ardour]

Um...your ideal of beauty says more about your own self loathing from internalized racism. I sound like some idiotic white knight in saying that, but it's sad.
Why else would you think dark complexion and larger features = ugly.

 

[Batman55]

Lighter skin is "cooler"

 

[nerdygirl]

Aww, I hope the OP comes back. There's a lot of good feedback here.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I hope none of the people here drove her off.

 

[Iceman1978]

Briana,

I hope you're still reading this. I know exactly how you feel and what you go through. At times, it's hard for me to even look at myself in the mirror.

As someone said earlier though, black is beautiful. I could name a few examples: Phylicia Rashād, Margaret Avery, Jada Pinkett Smith, Sade, and Janet Jackson, just to name a few.

 

[ardour]

I hope none of the people here drove her off.

the OP needs to be made aware she's not just insulting herself.

 

[jayme89]

Oh I just wished you lived near me! I too, am a dark skinned african american woman. I am the darkest in my family since my mother married my biracial stepfather and had three girls. I could tell from a young age that some people would say things about "lightskinned this" and "darkskinned that". But i never paid it any mind. Plus i grew up outside of the south. I think peoples mentalities are ALOT different in the North! I'm not surprised though, given so many people in the south still have slave mentalities. Its all about what you believe. My parents tell me alot of bullshit everyday that they believe to be true and they want me to believe as well. I just ignore it all LOL. The same way I ignore what "society says". What would be good for you is to stop watching so much **** TV and actually see whats happening in your OWN reality. In you're daily life! I KNOW and YOU know you see plenty of beautiful dark skinned woman all around you, you just choose not to see it because you want to find an excuse for being unhappy. I don't consider myself attractive and it has nothing to do with my skin tone. In fact, I consider my skin tone the most beautiful part about me! Its so funny how we share such different perspectives on this topic yet we probably look similar. Its all in your perspective and what you choose to believe.

I went natural with my hair and my mother fought me the whole way through even now. She's always saying "you won't get a job with natural hair blah blah blah"..what i really feel she's saying is "you don't look attractive that way". What non-black people need to know is that ,black woman are told from birth that the way that god made them is a mistake and they have to alter themselves. Its absolutely sick! Then people wonder why so many black girls are pregnant at 13 and shaking there asses in clubs. Its because they/we have no self esteem and we're looking for attention wherever we can find it. I often wonder if my mother would say the same thing if my mixed sisters ever decided to go natural, since they have a "good texture of hair" (even writing stuff like that makes me laugh out loud cuz its ludicrous).

But thats beside the point. Get away from people who make you feel bad about yourself, if thats the case (my mother's beliefs make me feel bad about myself so i limit my time with her and am working on moving out), stop watching TV if it makes your self esteem low, and start living in the real world and observe with your own eyes whats true and not true. I honestly think that skin tone problems are for poor people. Look at the poorest countries on the globe and you'll find a lot of internalized racism because when you're poor and uneducated you have nothing else to compete with but something as superficial as skin color. Its like two homeless people on the street, i guarantee one will think "well at least i'm lightskinned" and its laughable cuz the person still has nothing! he/she just wants to THINK they are better. I grew up in a black middle class environment outside of the south so my view of race and color is much different. Maybe you should move? I only wish I could get all black woman to think the way I think. As far as hair goes...I feel its just hair. weave it up if you want, perm it up if you want, but you and i both know hair isn't going to change the way you feel about yourself. I do wish you'd give your natural hair a chance. Go on youtube and look at all the gorgeous DARK SKINNED girls with natural hair and get tips from them. Also, view this video I'm sure it'll make you think and smile. I pm'd you and hope you reply.

 

[GearsOfWar93]

Your skin is beautiful. It doesn't matter that you have darker skin. Your hair is from your ancestors motherland. When done right nature black hair is beautiful. The darker you are the longer you stay looking young. Having dark skin can help you avoid cancer. Your people have suffered a lot of hate and shaming over the years. Thats bad enough and on top of that you hating your on skin is just as bad. Those creams dont work your just rubbing lies and cancer cause agents into your skin. Have you seen the night sky? Its dark but still as beautiful as the morning sky. You dont have to play pretend you wont ever be lighter and your hair wont be any different. You'll always be you and thats the best part. Embrace your unique qualities.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I hope none of the people here drove her off.

the OP needs to be made aware she's not just insulting herself.

But her views ARE real. That's what you don't realize. It's real to her.

 

[Batman55]

Just thought I'd let you folks know.. the OP posted the same exact message on another message board I go to, a social anxiety site. Also like here, the thread got pretty big with a lot of replies, and with no further response from her.

Don't know what's up with that. Just saying.

 

[Locke]

Just thought I'd let you folks know.. the OP posted the same exact message on another message board I go to, a social anxiety site. Also like here, the thread got pretty big with a lot of replies, and with no further response from her.

Don't know what's up with that. Just saying.

She was probably just trying to reach out to as many people as possible. If she has social anxiety, that could easily explain why she didn't reply. She might have been too nervous.

I know that's a lot of assumptions, but....She probably just didn't feel comfortable with either forum. A lot of people post once or twice here then leave. I tried out a couple of other sites when I first found ALL, and this is the forum I was most comfortable with.

 

[andyluvsfilms]

I think black is sexy and exotic and so do tons of men so please dont fret, you think you got problems? im a middle aged white male, its a nightmare out there for me, we're ten a penny haha

 

[rayeo]

I think dark girls are lovely. I've seen some really dark girls - not chocolate or light - I mean pretty dark - and I've been envious of their skin complexion. You just don't see much of it over where I live. Or maybe I just like seeing more of the things I see less of. But people have different views...I used to want to be white too (I'm asian) but I am slowly accepting that this is just what I am. Can't do much about it. Though, I do like natural on people. It's so nice when people embrace their face and not hide it beneath crap loads of makeup. Weave always looks fake, that's just weave. You got to work it or at least have confidence in it.

Try to find things you like about yourself. I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are.
I think everyone is beautiful in their own way.

 

[black_cat]

I hate to cite old cliches, but I'd simply point out that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The concept that it is oriented around things like light skin or straight hair is part of a very, very old cultural cultural construct and not rooted in fact.
My advice would be to be suspicious of anybody that says they can sell you attractiveness at a dollar price, in whatever the form. It is a point of view rather than a physical thing. You would be surprised at how much more people respond to how you view yourself rather than what you are wearing or what you look like.