What it means to be truly ugly.

[TropicalStarfish]

I feel like a fool because I honestly thought relationships would be completely different. I didn’t understand relationships are transactional. I provide this, you provide that. Doesn’t feel like love to me. Probably the hardest pill I've had to swallow is that I probably wont find my idealistic partner and I should just accept that and find happiness alone.

Transactional analysis/psychology is Bullsh*t man. You're not a fool. If two deal-making types are looking to make a deal, cross paths with each other, are attracted to each other, and each has something the other wants; then, yes, they can strike a nice deal and get along just fine.

It's a matter of perspective (a thing that is influenced by circumstance, mind-set, culture, and even the time and place one exists in).

We can easily turn our noses up at Disney movie romance, and say, that doesn't happen, that's not real. And we can be right. But that doesn't mean doubling down on the idea we are biological machines; essentially mindless creatures that are simply looking to strike the most advantageous deal.

You can be horribly depressed, and have misfortune abound, and look at a beautiful rose, and want to throw up. Or, you can be on top of the world, and see that same rose, and have an understanding of it, as a thing of beauty, and a focal point for the expression of The Universe.

That's my take. Transactional analysis isn't my thing. Sure if you zoom in far enough to a rose, you see the individual cells, then you see the DNA, and then you can say, "pfft! Just a bunch C's A's G's and T's, what a crock!"

But there's other ways of looking at it. (Ways that I think are primarily more optimal). One usually doesn't, 'love their dog,' because it's a useful and advantageous, 'tool.' People usually love their dogs because they are fluffy, and adorable, and cute (except when they misbehave.)

Love is love. Many ways to look at a relationship.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

It's like as if it couldnt get any worse trops... lol not even the bloody shoes I was promised !

Can't have it. When I become an eligible bachelour, it's 'free shoes,' or, 'gtfo!'

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Transactional analysis/psychology is Bullsh*t man. You're not a fool. If two highly functional sociopaths cross path with each other, are attracted to each other, and each has something the other wants; then, yes, they can strike a nice deal and get along just fine.

It's a matter of perspective (a thing that is influenced by circumstance, mind-set, culture, and even the time and place one exists in).

We can easily turn our noses up at Disney movie romance, and say, that doesn't happen, that's not real. And we can be right. But that doesn't mean doubling down on the idea we are biological machines; essentially animals that are simply looking to strike the most advantageous deal.

You can be horrible depressed, and have misfortune abound, and look at a beautiful rose, and want throw up. Or, you can be on top of the world, and see that same rose, and have an understanding of it, as a thing of beauty, and a focal point for the expression of The Universe.

That's my take. Transactional analysis isn't my thing. Sure if you zoom in far enough to a rose, you see the individual cells, then you see the DNA, and then you can say, "pfft! Just a bunch C's A's G's and T's, what a crock!"

But there's other ways of looking at it. (Ways that I think are primarily more optimal).

I love the rose thingy... really powerful... but all im saying trop... is you cant disrupt the cells because you dont like them... zoom out.. and still expect to see a beautiful rose... thats not how it works, the cells are all part of it... it's what makes the beauty.

Can't have it. When I become an eligible bachelour, it's 'free shoes,' or, 'gtfo!'

I'm telling you.... I was barefoot for a long time... now I finally have my glass slipperrrr awhhh im feeling all romantic now... better text my fella a poem.

 

[ardour]

Since men's optimal reproductive strategy is (or was) impregnating as many women as possible it makes sense that their drives would be higher and more indiscriminate.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Since men's optimal reproductive strategy is (or was) impregnating as many women as possible it makes sense that their drives would be higher and more indiscriminate.

It’s like speaking common sense makes no sense anymore okay we might not like it… I can see why its not nice to acknowledge… but how can we just pretend?

Look at strip clubs, gentlemen clubs, exotic dance bars, hooters, the whole porn industry, these are all geared towards men… I wonder why… because they like sex just as much as women? Oh please.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

A man locked in a room full of women would never think oh wow they might all wanna sleep with me…

A woman locked in a room full of men… would think oh no… all these men want to sleep with me… actually wrong.. she wouldnt think… she’d know for a fact that they would all want to sleep with her.

 

[isthatso]

A man locked in a room full of women would never think oh wow they might all wanna sleep with me…

A woman locked in a room full of men… would think oh no… all these men want to sleep with me… actually wrong.. she wouldnt think… she’d know for a fact that they would all want to sleep with her.

Might need to elaborate those scenarios.
I would hate to be locked in a room with anyone. Give me the keys.

 

[4No1]

A woman locked in a room full of men… would think oh no… all these men want to sleep with me… actually wrong.. she wouldnt think… she’d know for a fact that they would all want to sleep with her.

Maybe a hot woman would... the last thing I would think is that someone would want to sleep with me
Well, even if she is hot... I think that a lot of people, locked somewhere, have other problems to think about. I would think first of all of getting out, water and food, toilet and not be eaten by other people, probably I'm asexual.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Has she... ever been groped in public by a complete stranger? Had her drink spiked? Been denied medical health care due to being too sexy? Has she been offered a promotion in return for a date, and passed over ever since after she said no? Has she been bullied by other girls... envied by them... because they wish they were here? Has she ever been attacked because she didnt give someone her phone number? Has her own uncles, and cousins tried to sleep with her? Has she ever been cat called by various men one after the other? Has a man seen the harassment and offered to protect her in exchange for some... anyway... just wondering.

I agree with the ugly depiction gave me fash backs but I think people still name call attractive people... air head, too much make up this, fake tan, fake boobs... blow up doll, horse hair, plastic this that blah blah blah...

I feel like you're not really asking me these questions, and if you are, how the hell you'd expect me to know such intimate details of a friend's life is beyond me.

I'm sorry the above things obviously happened to you, but this isn't a "Victimhood Olypmics" here, two people can both have problems without one having to 'win' over the other.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I feel like you're not really asking me these questions, and if you are, how the hell you'd expect me to know such intimate details of a friend's life is beyond me.

I'm sorry the above things obviously happened to you, but this isn't a "Victimhood Olypmics" here, two people can both have problems without one having to 'win' over the other.

AH HA! light bulb is on... I had to take my hair extensions out to understand this... the thread is about similarities between ugliness treatment and the treatment of attractiveness, not a victimhood olympics, some of the name calling was never said to me i was thinking of things I've heard before on the opposite side. Wasnt trying to negate your experiences or compete with you at all. I was just following the theme of the thread, sorry if it came off that way hun, my communication skills are lacking lol

 

[user 150037]

A man locked in a room full of women would never think oh wow they might all wanna sleep with me…

A woman locked in a room full of men… would think oh no… all these men want to sleep with me… actually wrong.. she wouldnt think… she’d know for a fact that they would all want to sleep with her.

Me locked in a room filled with women:

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Me locked in a room filled with women:

Well the good thing for you is... there's nowhere to run.. lol

 

[MrLonely86]

Unpopular opinion: I wanna be locked in a room with only one special girl. xD Don't need 20 of them.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Maybe a hot woman would... the last thing I would think is that someone would want to sleep with me
Well, even if she is hot... I think that a lot of people, locked somewhere, have other problems to think about. I would think first of all of getting out, water and food, toilet and not be eaten by other people, probably I'm asexual.

I dont understand, thats just not even close to the reality I live in… even a man locked in a room of men would worry that some may wanna sleep with him its like the biggest fear men have when going to prison.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I dont understand, thats just not even close to the reality I live in… even a man locked in a room of men would worry that some may wanna sleep with him its like the biggest fear men have when going to prison.

Your reality is no where close to the reality of most of society. lol

Also, prison is a little different.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Your reality is no where close to the reality of most of society. lol

Also, prison is a little different.

Very true… everyone else seems to have a nicer reality than I do, they all fall in love, and love sex as much as the opposite gender and only want to sleep with one woman and think appearance and money dont matter … I mean the homeless if theres any in your reality must all be married surely… as no one cares about their money or looks. The divorce rate must also be close to 0% without leading causes such as financial instability, infidelity and sexless marriages…I wish I could join that reality, sounds so much better than mine…

Except well… statistically speaking... since men and women are just as sexual as each other... would that also mean they commit sexual crimes at the same rate and not the 98/2 ratio like in my reality ...?

Change it to prison then... a man gets locked in a womens prison... a woman gets locked in a mans prison... in my reality.. real life... we all know what would happen.

 

[4No1]

I dont understand, thats just not even close to the reality I live in… even a man locked in a room of men would worry that some may wanna sleep with him its like the biggest fear men have when going to prison.

No, in a prison they would worry about raping. I also would, if I was locked in a prison with women. Raping in such circumstances is not about sex. It's about power, humilation, bullying, violence, etc.

How do men in your reality survive?..

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No, in a prison they would worry about raping. I also would, if I was locked in a prison with women. Raping in such circumstances is not about sex. It's about power, humilation, bullying, violence, etc.

How do men in your reality survive?..

Most cant so they become women. Sadly...

 

[TheSkaFish]

So okay Ska, in my way of thinking.. asking this is like asking... dont people go to the magic shows for the magic any more? All these light effects and slight of hand and so on.. what about the magic? ...

That is the magic... and if you dont believe that... then .. tell a woman to stop having sex with her husband.. see if he still "loves her".. tell a man to stop paying the bills... stop going to work, to stop protecting his wife.. see if she still loves him. These are uncomfortable truths however, love is built on responsibilities. Even as parents, if I gave my child to a nanny to perform all motherly duties, my child would struggle to connect with me as a mother. Leading reasons for divorce are financial instability (a man not providing, as women file on this basis) and infidelity usually on a mans part due to being in a sexless marriage. Women can do infidelity as well due to their husbands being busy working to provide and due to their husbands not earning enough... so she will branch over to a more successful mate.

How could a man love someone who never makes love to him? Ever.. and how could she make love to someone who would see her starve?

Actually, I understand this. It's really important for a guy to be able to play the male gender role. A lot seems to hinge on it. If a woman gets with a guy who doesn't play his role, the whole thing usually ends in disaster. If a guy doesn't provide, it's misery all around. Not to mention humiliation - I can imagine women want to be with a man they can be proud to call theirs. And I can't blame the woman for losing respect for him, let alone feeling like having sex with such a guy. I totally get it. It makes sense to me how a lack of respect, and / or boredom, are the unsexiest feelings a guy can make a woman feel.

But I just wish this world were better set up for people that fall outside of the math/practical category. The only thing I've ever wished I could work on or do, is something creative (but I don't feel good at that either, I just wish I could be). I've never thought to myself, "you know what would make today perfect? If I got to use tools or do math all day!" I don't feel like I have either the natural interest or the natural aptitude for those things. I also just don't care if computers, phones, video games, or even cars get better. In fact they could have stopped improving a while ago and that would have been fine as far as I'm concerned. It could all stay the same forever and that would be fine with me. I don't think more tech has made a better world. We have better tech than ever, and yet life is now....harder? It doesn't make sense to me, because it's been de-coupled from improving the overall standard of living. I think it's time to play a new game.

But that's pretty much the only way to make money - physical strength and math (trades), just math (STEM and STEM-adjacent), or cunning/quick thinking/smooth talking (sales). And I feel like I have none of those - no natural interest, and no natural aptitude.

Also, doing things I don't like doing, pretty much puts me in a foul mood for the rest of the day because it makes me hate my life and who I am, and it also kills my interest in things. It tattoos pessimism, negativity, and apathy into my mind and soul. It makes me feel "meh" about the stuff I used to like. It makes it so that I don't care about anything, I don't have any interest or passion for anything, nothing matters, I just want to get wasted, because tomorrow is just going to be another boring lousy day, and another etc etc until the end, so why bother caring or getting excited about anything. Anything good is for someone else who was born with better genetics to do something better with their lives. I just want to get numb and sink into the couch/stare off into space. I can't imagine either of those is too interesting or attractive either.

It's not that what you're saying doesn't make sense, it does. I just wish there were better ways for someone like me to fit into this world, instead of "do something that bores you out of your mind / makes you hate every waking moment of your life".

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Actually, I understand this. It's really important for a guy to be able to play the male gender role. A lot seems to hinge on it. If a woman gets with a guy who doesn't play his role, the whole thing usually ends in disaster. If a guy doesn't provide, it's misery all around. Not to mention humiliation - I can imagine women want to be with a man they can be proud to call theirs. And I can't blame the woman for losing respect for him, let alone feeling like having sex with such a guy. I totally get it. It makes sense to me how a lack of respect, and / or boredom, are the unsexiest feelings a guy can make a woman feel.

But I just wish this world were better set up for people that fall outside of the math/practical category. The only thing I've ever wished I could work on or do, is something creative (but I don't feel good at that either, I just wish I could be). I've never thought to myself, "you know what would make today perfect? If I got to use tools or do math all day!" I don't feel like I have either the natural interest or the natural aptitude for those things. I also just don't care if computers, phones, video games, or even cars get better. In fact they could have stopped improving a while ago and that would have been fine as far as I'm concerned. It could all stay the same forever and that would be fine with me. I don't think more tech has made a better world. We have better tech than ever, and yet life is now....harder? It doesn't make sense to me, because it's been de-coupled from improving the overall standard of living. I think it's time to play a new game.

But that's pretty much the only way to make money - physical strength and math (trades), just math (STEM and STEM-adjacent), or cunning/quick thinking/smooth talking (sales). And I feel like I have none of those - no natural interest, and no natural aptitude.

Also, doing things I don't like doing, pretty much puts me in a foul mood for the rest of the day because it makes me hate my life and who I am, and it also kills my interest in things. It tattoos pessimism, negativity, and apathy into my mind and soul. It makes me feel "meh" about the stuff I used to like. It makes it so that I don't care about anything, I don't have any interest or passion for anything, nothing matters, I just want to get wasted, because tomorrow is just going to be another boring lousy day, and another etc etc until the end, so why bother caring or getting excited about anything. Anything good is for someone else who was born with better genetics to do something better with their lives. I just want to get numb and sink into the couch/stare off into space. I can't imagine either of those is too interesting or attractive either.

It's not that what you're saying doesn't make sense, it does. I just wish there were better ways for someone like me to fit into this world, instead of "do something that bores you out of your mind / makes you hate every waking moment of your life".

I hate it too Ska…

When I was ugly and unpopular in school I wanted everything to change, I wished everyone had to talk to and chill with everyone so I wasnt so alone… but reality wasnt that, reality was (for me) the hot girl was in charge… and sometimes the ugly ones would bully her so she would adapt and pretend to be nice… that was my reality anyway maybe everyone else had the less attractive people as the most popular in school idk…