T
Twitchy
Guest
by that guy on the corner that smells like cabbage and whiskey
If you're like me, you eat lots of roadkill and things from dumpsters. It's fun, economical and you find all sorts of half-eaten crazy things. It can however cause the occasional stomach ailment. This translates into a particularly messy bathroom episode.
In order to keep the undies from becoming stained, there are several things that must first be observed.
1) Toilet Paper
Don't buy the cheap 1 ply stuff. I mean really, try poking your finger through a square of that. Easy to do isn't it? Now imagine raking that over your ass. You'd wind up shredding it to bits and spending a huge amount of time washing your hands. That's time lost that could be better spent screaming at people on the bus or vomiting in public.
While we're on the subject, don't get the really rough stuff either. Roids and diarrhea are not a good combination. Trust me, I know.
2) Wipe front to back. Most of you ladies already know this, but it's actually good advice for us dudes as well.
3) Think positive. Just because you've got the runs today doesn't mean you will tomorrow. Remember, every ass has a silver lining!
I hope all this has helped. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta wash the tire marks off this squirrel I picked up.
If you're like me, you eat lots of roadkill and things from dumpsters. It's fun, economical and you find all sorts of half-eaten crazy things. It can however cause the occasional stomach ailment. This translates into a particularly messy bathroom episode.
In order to keep the undies from becoming stained, there are several things that must first be observed.
1) Toilet Paper
Don't buy the cheap 1 ply stuff. I mean really, try poking your finger through a square of that. Easy to do isn't it? Now imagine raking that over your ass. You'd wind up shredding it to bits and spending a huge amount of time washing your hands. That's time lost that could be better spent screaming at people on the bus or vomiting in public.
While we're on the subject, don't get the really rough stuff either. Roids and diarrhea are not a good combination. Trust me, I know.
2) Wipe front to back. Most of you ladies already know this, but it's actually good advice for us dudes as well.
3) Think positive. Just because you've got the runs today doesn't mean you will tomorrow. Remember, every ass has a silver lining!
I hope all this has helped. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta wash the tire marks off this squirrel I picked up.
