Rising insecurites

[Rosebolt]

It's been less than a month since i joined this forum, altough it certainly feels much longer. At the beginning of this, a reply on here changed my life for the better. My ongoing depression was over, and i didn't have to worry about how i should climb the fence to the train anymore.

Of course, life is still life, with its ups and downs, and i'm feeling myself drop into a down again. I want to prevent this, i won't let this attitude be taken from me now i finally have it, so that's why i'm here typing this.

In that little month, alot has changed, a new chapter in my life has just begun. Not only forum related, i remember posting a panic-reaction-thread to a situation which happened to my friendship with my would-be soulmate. This is still going on, since she has her new boyfriend, which happened about 3 weeks ago or so, maybe 4, she kind of forgot about me. She still talks to me and appears nice, but never ever asks anymore how my life is going, except for the mandatory "how r u." I believe in fate, and as i said, i think a new chapter has just begun, and this is a part of it. So i want to let go of her, and i'm in the process of doing that.

That is not the problem however, we always talked day in day out about our problems and kept each other going, now that that is gone, and also rendered unnecessary to a degree, alot of social energy has nowhere to go anymore, and i feel empty because of it. I met some great people on here, which helps alot, but my insecurities are still taking a rise. Afraid to say something wrong, afraid to be uninteresting to those people, and just thinking i'm very dumb. You know, the usual stuff. I believe that has to do with the sudden change, and will go away eventually, but not on itself. Hence why i am writing this. Part of the change is also that i will begin my job soon, which is *spoiledkidalert* my first time in life. I'm very much looking forward to this, but still, a change is a change, though i don't believe it to impact me in any significant manner.

Also good to mention might be that i feel i should be doing more on this forum in terms of reacting, helping, and generally contributing. My "connecting" thread seems to start rolling again, so i do feel a bit more useful, but still.

So, as a summary, my insecurities are rising and i kind of need your help to keep me going, i guess.

Thanks alot for reading, it means alot to me, believe it or not.

 

[Sigma]

How could you possibly still feel insecure now you finally have your 4th shiny star?
My 3 stars are inferior.
I bow to your authoritay.
Not enough?
In that case take this
Still not enough?
How about this
Insecurities begone >:O

 

[NoRain]

Since you mentioned a lot your insecurities, and from what I could gather, it would be:

Afraid to say something wrong, afraid to be uninteresting to those people, and just thinking i'm very dumb. You know, the usual stuff.

Rosebolt, you're never gonna always say the right thing. No one's perfect, so yea, at times, we're all gonna sound stupid or boring or say something completely useless. We're human after all, and no one has all the answers. I think what counts the most is your intention, the fact that you wanted and even tried to help someone with your words. At least I joined the forum looking for support, and just knowing that someone took the time to read what I had to say already makes me feel better.

Also, I wish you the best of luck on your first job. It's scary at first, and youre gonna want to make a good impression on your colleagues, but at least for me, once the initial fear and awkwardness wears off, its easier.

I dont really know what else to say to you, but if you wanna talk about the whole thing youre going through with your would-be soulmate, Im all ears. Been going through a similar situation for 8 years, so I know how it feels

 

[Rosebolt]

Thanks for the response, yeah i suppose you're right about the "we're all human" part.

and just knowing that someone took the time to read what I had to say already makes me feel better.

Yep, that's how i'm feeling right now as well.

Yeah work is just the first time part, also the fact that i'm gonna be cleaning the first month isn't all that motivating either, but aye probably better then being bored.

I'll just look how it goes the following days before taking up on that offer for messaging, i guess it's not that friendship that is hurting, but the emptiness because of its absence, however, thank you very much for the offer.

 

[Lua]

I’m glad you’re determined to keep your positive attitude up, despite feeling a down coming around. I know what it’s like when things that seemed easy or manageable for weeks suddenly turn stressful or depressing again. As you said, it’s probably due to the changes in your life. But you’ve managed to feel better before, so chances are, you’ll do so again. I think knowing things can be better already helps a lot in being optimistic and staying in ‘fight mode’

As NoRain said, nobody’s perfect. However, even if you say something silly, the awesome things you do will outweigh it by a million. So stop worrying! (easier said than done, I know, I share all of those insecurities.)

We’ll happily help you keep going, and you can also always message me about anything that’s on your mind

 

[Rosebolt]

I’m glad you’re determined to keep your positive attitude up, despite feeling a down coming around. I know what it’s like when things that seemed easy or manageable for weeks suddenly turn stressful or depressing again. As you said, it’s probably due to the changes in your life. But you’ve managed to feel better before, so chances are, you’ll do so again. I think knowing things can be better already helps a lot in being optimistic and staying in ‘fight mode’

As NoRain said, nobody’s perfect. However, even if you say something silly, the awesome things you do will outweigh it by a million. So stop worrying! (easier said than done, I know, I share all of those insecurities.)

We’ll happily help you keep going, and you can also always message me about anything that’s on your mind

Thank you for your kind words, i'll be fine indeed i guess.

 

[quintus]

I've got the ultimate proof that you are far off "being dumb"! And I'm not talking about shining stars.

 

[Lady X]

For those of us affected by anxiety, change is a pretty scary thing.

I've had a recent situation where I've unfortunately realised that those who I considered my friends were actually the sort of people who would ditch me out of sheer convenience, and I too am left at sort of a "blank sheet" moment in my life.

But, like you, I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I always take that into account when something happens to throw a spanner in the works.

Although I may feel like I have no control over it, I know that out of all this I will learn something that will play a part in how I live and deal with the rest of my life. So change is scary, but it's also an important opportunity.


Your friend might not be in your life the same any more, but she wont be the last girl in your life, nor do your chances of happiness go when she does.

Focus on the job, and making of it what you can. We've all been "new starters" at some point in our lives, so we can all empathise with those nerves you have about joining a company and the change in lifestyle it brings. But hey, with it comes new people, new experiences and also the added bonus of a paycheck that will help you get out and about even more and experience other new places and new things.

The only way is up

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey buddy, I agree with everyone else on here. You're not dumb, and yes changes can be scary and the first time's always the scariest.

I still get scared about public speaking even though I pretty much do a lot of it in my job lol. So you're not alone there, continue keeping your chin up and keep on going no matter what comes to you. Your mind and will is stronger than you think. Glad you're also trying to let go of the girl.. you'll meet many more in the future, continue to socialise with lots of fishes in this worldly sea.

You have my best wishes, my friend. And constant unlimited support all the way. Don't ever give up, you hear me? If you ever feel like it, you know where to find me.

Go on now. Live and love life. You will make what you want out of it.

 

[Rosebolt]

Thanks everyone for the encouraging and kind responses, it really helps!

Lady X, yeah, the belief that everything happens for a reason is really a great help at times like these, there is no way i'll go back down again, that won't make much sense, and even if i did, i could learn even more from it, in the end, it'll all work out. And yeah, new chapter, new friends i suppose. Actually looking forward to what fate has in store for me, now that i think of it!

ladyforsaken, thanks as well! Keeping my chin up won't be much of a problem, i'm afraid talking about the stuff on the forum here is part of keeping it up though, but i'll be fine!

And to everyone who offered their help, remember you can always PM me as well when you are in need of someone to talk to!!