futurecatlady
Well-known member
Chickened out earlier, but here goes:
I feel a little silly getting worked up over something relatively small when there are people on here with much bigger problems to worry about, but in a weird way I feel like I just need to barf this out somewhere so it is recorded for posterity in case I get hit by a car and die tomorrow. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I just want to tell someone.
There is a guy, a friend, who I've known for a couple of years, and lately we've become quite close. He lavishes me with affection, telling me how much he cares about me, how close he feels to me, etc. In fact, he's really the first person who I am convinced likes me just as I am, and would not prefer me any other way. I of course have fulfilled my loserly duty by instantly falling for him because he is the only guy who knows I exist.
Problem is, he doesn't feel the same way about me, and never will. He is in a relationship with a goddess--cute, funny, smart, kind, and everyone who meets her loves her. She is perfect for him. They are the kind of couple whose first kiss was probably accompanied by a dramatic musical score and ending credits. When their hands touch, rainbows spontaneously form in the sky and angels earn their wings. They will probably get married and have kids and get into arguments and the tension will build but then they realize how amazing they are together and fall in love all over again and happily ever after will happen. In other words, totally off limits.
I'm normally a levelheaded and sensible girl, but when it comes to this issue, I become a ragingly jealous and unreasonable banshee. The girl is my friend too, but lately all I can think when I look at her is "You are wonderful and amazing and you have what I want and I hate you." I don't harbor any real desire to get him--next to her I'm an awkward glob of nothing, so even if their fairytale romance were to end, I very much doubt that his next move would be to go about 100 steps backward. I just get these little ripples of heartache every time I realize that no matter how important I think I am to him, I will never even compare to her.
Anyone else been in a similar situation and successfully managed to get over it? I know I need to let go, but it's hard. I feel like stories like this will define the rest of my life. Never loved or in love, but always infected with unrequited feelings for some poor sod or another.
I feel a little silly getting worked up over something relatively small when there are people on here with much bigger problems to worry about, but in a weird way I feel like I just need to barf this out somewhere so it is recorded for posterity in case I get hit by a car and die tomorrow. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I just want to tell someone.
There is a guy, a friend, who I've known for a couple of years, and lately we've become quite close. He lavishes me with affection, telling me how much he cares about me, how close he feels to me, etc. In fact, he's really the first person who I am convinced likes me just as I am, and would not prefer me any other way. I of course have fulfilled my loserly duty by instantly falling for him because he is the only guy who knows I exist.
Problem is, he doesn't feel the same way about me, and never will. He is in a relationship with a goddess--cute, funny, smart, kind, and everyone who meets her loves her. She is perfect for him. They are the kind of couple whose first kiss was probably accompanied by a dramatic musical score and ending credits. When their hands touch, rainbows spontaneously form in the sky and angels earn their wings. They will probably get married and have kids and get into arguments and the tension will build but then they realize how amazing they are together and fall in love all over again and happily ever after will happen. In other words, totally off limits.
I'm normally a levelheaded and sensible girl, but when it comes to this issue, I become a ragingly jealous and unreasonable banshee. The girl is my friend too, but lately all I can think when I look at her is "You are wonderful and amazing and you have what I want and I hate you." I don't harbor any real desire to get him--next to her I'm an awkward glob of nothing, so even if their fairytale romance were to end, I very much doubt that his next move would be to go about 100 steps backward. I just get these little ripples of heartache every time I realize that no matter how important I think I am to him, I will never even compare to her.
Anyone else been in a similar situation and successfully managed to get over it? I know I need to let go, but it's hard. I feel like stories like this will define the rest of my life. Never loved or in love, but always infected with unrequited feelings for some poor sod or another.