Solitude vs Loneliness

[Matt]

I read these articles and found much sense in them, and I'm guessing most of you would draw a lot from them as well.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20070320-000001.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20071029-000005.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-2965.html&fromMod=emailed

Basically, two of them point out the benefits of solitude (as opposed to loneliness), but the other asserts that social contact is absolutely necessary. I'm guessing those of us who at least go to school or work in the right environment can try to find a sustainable balance between the two.

Anyways, the main question - would you consider your life to be one of loneliness, solitude, or some combination of the two?

Personally, I generally feel more comfortable when I'm alone, though the most depressed moments of my life have also been when I was alone. So I'm definitely one who enjoys solitude but every now and then gets incredibly lonely.

Y tu?

 

[sabishiinaa]

I really enjoyed the second article (more the first half). I've read so many horrible articles about loneliness and depression on the internet, and almost every one says someone about learning to love yourself in that contrived, "I am happy, this is how I lied to myself to happiness, and that is how you should do it, too." Everyday, I desire a connection with others, but when I finally do get the opportunity to socialize, I realize that I would of had so much more fun at home reading a book. So I guess I'm a lonely loner--with dysthymia--every other article I've read simply classifies it as mild depression, but the one article really made me understand it--that it "saps life of its beauty." For me, it's the strangers: being surrounded by thousands of strangers--everyone of them has a name and a story to tell, but they just walk on by, and you never see them again. There's so many lonely people, and they just pass each other on the sidewalk and go home lonely. It gets to me.

Edit: Thanks for the read. And the laugh--that last poll choice. lulz.

 

[Lost in the Oilfield]

Je suis solitude. Je suis seul.

I have three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company.
- Henry David Thoreau

Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.
- Sir Francis Bacon

Solitude can be used well by very few people. They who do must have a knowledge of the world to see the foolishness of it, and enough virtue to despise all the vanity.
- Abraham Cowley

I am neither god nor beast. I am too humbled and human to be the former, and too civilized and rational to be the latter.

 

[Matt]

There's so many lonely people, and they just pass each other on the sidewalk and go home lonely. It gets to me.

Meh, I see the world differently - it seems like just about everyone else is extroverted, sociable, and always surrounded by friends, and the lonely are just the few who happen to be there in the sidelines. I'm comforted whenever I see others who look like they might be lonely. Probably pretty awful of me, but I like the "company".

Edit: Thanks for the read. And the laugh--that last poll choice. lulz.

No problem. I love me my internet memes.

Solitude can be used well by very few people. They who do must have a knowledge of the world to see the foolishness of it, and enough virtue to despise all the vanity.
- Abraham Cowley

Wow, I can relate a LOT to that statement. The only exception is that I probably don't use solitude very well. ><

 

[jjam]

Good reading. I would like to work on the 2nd and 3rd points under Come Out of Your Cave, Man from the second link.

I'm comforted whenever I see others who look like they might be lonely. Probably pretty awful of me, but I like the "company".

Maybe that comfort stems from a belief that "the company" would be easier to become friends with. You come across someone who is constantly on the phone and always doing things with people and you think, "what time could this person possibly have for me? what use could I be to someone with such a busy social life?"

It's funny, though. I often find that people who "look" like they could be in a boat similar to what people at this forum generally claim to be in are definitely sailing in a completely different boat.

 

[Qui]

I try really hard not to look sad or lonely. So if someone looked at me and thought that I was in the same boat as them they would probably expect me to spend all my time f*cking stoners, or something like that. All the freshmen see me and for some reason think that I sell drugs. They used to all ask me for pot like I was the official dealer for all of Nor Cal. I'm straight-edge, but I guess I really don't look it. It cracks me up. "hey, do you have any weed?" and I've got straight-edge Xs on both hands. Jeez, some people sure are dumb.

 

[sabishiinaa]

Meh, I see the world differently - it seems like just about everyone else is extroverted, sociable, and always surrounded by friends, and the lonely are just the few who happen to be there in the sidelines.

The thing is, you can never tell who is lonely. I don't act lonely. Only one person knows that I read books and watch movies alone on Friday nights. They're many people that do as I do. They keep walking, pretending they're okay with their fake lives. They could be surrounded by people and be lonelier than I am. I believe that loneliness manifests itself in few, but is present in many; there's always the kid you past everyday who sits alone on the same bench, almost begging for a hug, but there's also those who you would never guess to go home and cry themselves to sleep.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
- Henry David Thoreau

 

[Larsen B]

I'm with the school of thought that says friends bring happiness; at least, this is part of it. I would like to live with friends every day - to eat, laugh and think with them. The happiest days of my life were spent in my first 2 years of Uni where i did just that.

I do enjoy quiet and privacy too though, so i'll always need to allow for that.

Another part of the Epicurean equation is freedom, in the sense of self-sufficiency - being your own boss. That would be great.

There are plenty of friends who live in groups/shared houses. But i question their commitment to such a living situation - it seems people want acquaintances rather than friends these days. Friendship is not serious, it's a throwaway commodity, like our throwaway consumer culture - all about the self and lifestyle priorities. Am i being a tad too cynical do you think? I'm sure there are exceptions.

 

[lonelyloser]

Meh, I see the world differently - it seems like just about everyone else is extroverted, sociable, and always surrounded by friends, and the lonely are just the few who happen to be there in the sidelines.

The thing is, you can never tell who is lonely. I don't act lonely. Only one person knows that I read books and watch movies alone on Friday nights. They're many people that do as I do. They keep walking, pretending they're okay with their fake lives. They could be surrounded by people and be lonelier than I am. I believe that loneliness manifests itself in few, but is present in many; there's always the kid you past everyday who sits alone on the same bench, almost begging for a hug, but there's also those who you would never guess to go home and cry themselves to sleep.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
- Henry David Thoreau

This is true. And what is interesting is that you can't just tell someone that you're lonely. There is still some kind of social stigma against loneliness, as if it's some kind of disease, causing people to hide their thoughts. The vicious people of the world try to use lonely people to their advantage, so you always have to make it seem that you are comfortable with yourself.

 

[Matt]

Meh, I'd still rather have a lot of acquaintances and be lonely than have almost no acquaintances and be lonely.