Stupidity beyond measure

[LackingInspiration]

So I am this really stupid person that has allowed for years on end to be deceived by this one guy who comes to me whenever he is bored or needs to know that he still has the "magic".

I don't know why I act like this, or why I always want to believe him when he says he has changed, when I know he hasn't. Or that I do things for him I wouldn't normally do, just because it's him.

I really feel like an idiot, but I needed to vent.

I hate that he has this kind of power over me, or I am pathetic enough to let him come back into my life whenever he feels like. And the worst part is, when I have resisted, he tries harder, and says the most wonderful of things, and then after he has gotten a couple of weeks worth of attention and stuff, he just vanishes, just as easily as he walked in to my life, which now seems like a never ending cycle of getting over him and starting over and then having him ruin all of that.

Yes, I am so pathetic. Sure, a lot of you would say this is sympathy seeking.

It used to make me sad and depressed earlier. Now it just makes me mad and hate myself. I want to scream at him, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that it bothers me so much.

Sometimes I wish I could just scream till my lungs burst, or something.

Anyway, if you really have bothered to read till this, thanks. Rant over.

 

[perfanoff]

Well you'll find no sympathy from me. There's plenty of people out there that have real problems or worse, have had the choice taken away from them. While you had your choices and you've chosen to treat yourself like a doormat. So grow up, please, or maybe not.

 

[lolgirl]

Well you'll find no sympathy from me. There's plenty of people out there that have real problems or worse, have had the choice taken away from them. While you had your choices and you've chosen to treat yourself like a doormat. So grow up, please, or maybe not.

Little harsh don't you think? We come here to be able to say the things we can't tell anyone else. Or because we will get these kinds of comments from others. But that is exactly what you did!

Seems to me you need to grow up. Because a grown up would have compasion and at least try to have some understanding.

If you needed to tell someone to go in a different direction than they are then think of a more kind way of saying it.

 

[Tealeaf]

Whatever feelings of validation he gives you aren't really worth it, are they? Everyone deserves better than to be a plaything.

 

[LackingInspiration]

Well you'll find no sympathy from me. There's plenty of people out there that have real problems or worse, have had the choice taken away from them. While you had your choices and you've chosen to treat yourself like a doormat. So grow up, please, or maybe not.

Well, thanks for your opinion. Yes, I realise I probably come across as silly and insensitive. I'll try to go with your suggestion.

Little harsh don't you think? We come here to be able to say the things we can't tell anyone else. Or because we will get these kinds of comments from others. But that is exactly what you did!

Seems to me you need to grow up. Because a grown up would have compasion and at least try to have some understanding.

If you needed to tell someone to go in a different direction than they are then think of a more kind way of saying it.

Thanks for the support. I did think I wouldn't be judged here of all places. But then everybody is entitled to their opinion.

Whatever feelings of validation he gives you aren't really worth it, are they? Everyone deserves better than to be a plaything.

I can't even explain it, it's like two different people in my head. I've known the guy for years, almost since I was 13. That..might be the reason of the extreme control he has. Even though I keep trying to get out. Thanks.

 

[Tealeaf]

Well you'll find no sympathy from me. There's plenty of people out there that have real problems or worse, have had the choice taken away from them. While you had your choices and you've chosen to treat yourself like a doormat. So grow up, please, or maybe not.

Well, thanks for your opinion. Yes, I realise I probably come across as silly and insensitive. I'll try to go with your suggestion.

Little harsh don't you think? We come here to be able to say the things we can't tell anyone else. Or because we will get these kinds of comments from others. But that is exactly what you did!

Seems to me you need to grow up. Because a grown up would have compasion and at least try to have some understanding.

If you needed to tell someone to go in a different direction than they are then think of a more kind way of saying it.

Thanks for the support. I did think I wouldn't be judged here of all places. But then everybody is entitled to their opinion.

Whatever feelings of validation he gives you aren't really worth it, are they? Everyone deserves better than to be a plaything.

I can't even explain it, it's like two different people in my head. I've known the guy for years, almost since I was 13. That..might be the reason of the extreme control he has. Even though I keep trying to get out. Thanks.

Getting out should be your priority, because as long as you have someone leeching you like that it's going to be hard to truly pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go live your life. My assumption, and forgive me if I'm wrong, is that if you're continuing to let him in then you probably have problems with your self-esteem and with saying "no" to people. That's generally the kind of person who succumbs to these things, though it's not the final say in how they live their life and conduct their relationships.

I've known guys who used manipulation tactics, including blackmail and threats of self-harm, so I know what it feels like for someone to have power over you. You name it, and guys that even other guys have said are sweet and deserving of female attention have pulled it on me, so I empathize with getting yanked around even if the circumstances aren't quite the same. I've been down that road and back again.

Protect your weaknesses, find good company to replace the need for someone like him, and bolster your self-esteem, or at least the belief that you have a right to exist in peace and not be toyed with. If you can deny him long enough to develop a kind of personal shield against people sinking their hooks in emotionally, he'll lose much of his power since these kinds of manipulators are like wild wolves; they either target the weak or seek to weaken those they want. Manipulating someone is all about removing their perception of self-control, self-worth, competency, and (knowledge of their) ability to exist without the manipulator. Finding someone who already has those barriers broken down or damaged must be like stumbling on a buffet.

Deny all e-mails and all phone calls. Delete it all without reading or listening to it. If he has any physical contact with you - school, work, mutual hangouts - deny him that, too. Ask family and any friends to help keep you distracted and turn him away on the grounds that he's toxic to you and you're having trouble saying no. They can also provide physical protection if he gets aggressive.

I'm assuming that you get some satisfaction out of his attention, even if it's not obvious. Maybe he makes you feel pretty, maybe he makes you feel funny, maybe he treats you like a diamond in the rough that nobody else is smart enough to reach for and you can believe it if only for days at a time. Consciously acknowledge that none of that is true, and look for people who genuinely make you feel valued instead of bartering with a deceiver for sweet lies.

 

[LackingInspiration]

Thanks Tealeaf.

 

[Gutted]

I feel like I am in danger of being in your situation if I don't act now. You should do what I am going to do. From tomorrow, vanish. Don't answer anything that is said to you. If the person in question comes to you, you're busy. There is no time to talk or listen or whatever. You have to be harsh. But it will get easier after a while.

 

[Lonely in BC]

Well you'll find no sympathy from me. There's plenty of people out there that have real problems or worse, have had the choice taken away from them. While you had your choices and you've chosen to treat yourself like a doormat. So grow up, please, or maybe not.

Well, thanks for your opinion. Yes, I realise I probably come across as silly and insensitive. I'll try to go with your suggestion.

Little harsh don't you think? We come here to be able to say the things we can't tell anyone else. Or because we will get these kinds of comments from others. But that is exactly what you did!

Seems to me you need to grow up. Because a grown up would have compasion and at least try to have some understanding.

If you needed to tell someone to go in a different direction than they are then think of a more kind way of saying it.

Thanks for the support. I did think I wouldn't be judged here of all places. But then everybody is entitled to their opinion.

Whatever feelings of validation he gives you aren't really worth it, are they? Everyone deserves better than to be a plaything.

I can't even explain it, it's like two different people in my head. I've known the guy for years, almost since I was 13. That..might be the reason of the extreme control he has. Even though I keep trying to get out. Thanks.

Getting out should be your priority, because as long as you have someone leeching you like that it's going to be hard to truly pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go live your life. My assumption, and forgive me if I'm wrong, is that if you're continuing to let him in then you probably have problems with your self-esteem and with saying "no" to people. That's generally the kind of person who succumbs to these things, though it's not the final say in how they live their life and conduct their relationships.

I've known guys who used manipulation tactics, including blackmail and threats of self-harm, so I know what it feels like for someone to have power over you. You name it, and guys that even other guys have said are sweet and deserving of female attention have pulled it on me, so I empathize with getting yanked around even if the circumstances aren't quite the same. I've been down that road and back again.

Protect your weaknesses, find good company to replace the need for someone like him, and bolster your self-esteem, or at least the belief that you have a right to exist in peace and not be toyed with. If you can deny him long enough to develop a kind of personal shield against people sinking their hooks in emotionally, he'll lose much of his power since these kinds of manipulators are like wild wolves; they either target the weak or seek to weaken those they want. Manipulating someone is all about removing their perception of self-control, self-worth, competency, and (knowledge of their) ability to exist without the manipulator. Finding someone who already has those barriers broken down or damaged must be like stumbling on a buffet.

Deny all e-mails and all phone calls. Delete it all without reading or listening to it. If he has any physical contact with you - school, work, mutual hangouts - deny him that, too. Ask family and any friends to help keep you distracted and turn him away on the grounds that he's toxic to you and you're having trouble saying no. They can also provide physical protection if he gets aggressive.

I'm assuming that you get some satisfaction out of his attention, even if it's not obvious. Maybe he makes you feel pretty, maybe he makes you feel funny, maybe he treats you like a diamond in the rough that nobody else is smart enough to reach for and you can believe it if only for days at a time. Consciously acknowledge that none of that is true, and look for people who genuinely make you feel valued instead of bartering with a deceiver for sweet lies.

Well put TeaLeaf- great advice for both genders regardless of age. I despise people who take advantage of someone's good nature for their own gain.

LackingInspiration you're not stupid, just young and experiencing a less than desirable situation. You're ahead of the game by being aware of the "hold" he has on you, it's really going to surprise you when you look back (after you've turfed him) that he had anything over you at all.

BTW- I really like the title of your thread, I can think of many people I've known over the years that should claim title to "Stupidity beyond measure".

I'm going to suggest that you sit down with pen and paper, write out TeaLeafs response (or at least the highlights of it in your own words) and think about the message in her words as you do- I find doing something like that makes it more meaningful and personal.

Have a great day L.I.

 

[LackingInspiration]

I feel like I am in danger of being in your situation if I don't act now. You should do what I am going to do. From tomorrow, vanish. Don't answer anything that is said to you. If the person in question comes to you, you're busy. There is no time to talk or listen or whatever. You have to be harsh. But it will get easier after a while.

I will do that. You do that too!

Well put TeaLeaf- great advice for both genders regardless of age. I despise people who take advantage of someone's good nature for their own gain.

LackingInspiration you're not stupid, just young and experiencing a less than desirable situation. You're ahead of the game by being aware of the "hold" he has on you, it's really going to surprise you when you look back (after you've turfed him) that he had anything over you at all.

BTW- I really like the title of your thread, I can think of many people I've known over the years that should claim title to "Stupidity beyond measure".

I'm going to suggest that you sit down with pen and paper, write out TeaLeafs response (or at least the highlights of it in your own words) and think about the message in her words as you do- I find doing something like that makes it more meaningful and personal.

Have a great day L.I.

Thanks so much! I have tried a variety of techniques over the years. But as I get older, hopefully I can get out of it more easily.

The title seemed appropriate for me because there is this part of me that despises the weakness I so obviously have. It's a constant struggle between the logical side and the illogical side. Almost split personality like

You have a good day too LIBC

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well you'll find no sympathy from me. There's plenty of people out there that have real problems or worse, have had the choice taken away from them. While you had your choices and you've chosen to treat yourself like a doormat. So grow up, please, or maybe not.

Little harsh don't you think? We come here to be able to say the things we can't tell anyone else. Or because we will get these kinds of comments from others. But that is exactly what you did!

Seems to me you need to grow up. Because a grown up would have compasion and at least try to have some understanding.

If you needed to tell someone to go in a different direction than they are then think of a more kind way of saying it.

I thought it was a bit harsh myself, but either which way, I agree with what Perf said. You can't complain if refuse to change or do anything different. A definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 

[potato]

LackingInspiration,

You also must believe you are worth being loved, respected, and being treated better. There are numerous others like him out there, men and women alike, and they seem to snuff out the ones with insecurities and low self-esteem. They all seem dazzling and charming, at first. Until they get what they want from you and go.

And by expending time and energy on them, you may be missing other opportunities of those who may genuinely make you happy.

Good luck x

 

[perfanoff]

Hehe, I know silver lining things is not my forte
Thanks for putting it in a way that sounds less like a slap on the cheek, Vanilla.

lolgirl, please understand that cynics (like I can be some time) mean well.