The fight goes on

[lonewolf]

Hey everyone, It's a been a minute... ok... it's been a really long time since I last posted. Shout out to any OGs who remember me lol. Just wanted to say I'm still here... kinda.. but I'm here, and that's something. I first came here in 2008, it seems like a lifetime ago.. things were bad for me.... really bad.. but I found a community here, and then I gelled with a couple members, and we ended up meeting in London... it might have been one of (If not the) first UK meetups. Then life changed for me, I found someone who clicked with me, someone far away and yet I crossed an ocean to be with her, I had to start over, got a job, got promoted, bought a house.. so much change.. but one thing hasn't changed.. one thing that has remained constant. That shadow in my mind, the darkness, my depression. It's a constant war, that the pandemic only made so much worse, and now it's still there, and I'm tired of it .. so .. so tired. I finally caved, I finally allowed myself to want better for myself, to want to be happy in some way, but I know I that can't get there alone. So I'm finally seeking professional help after over 15 years of fighting this, this undiagnosed, untreated, unwelcome part of me. I have a referral in, admittedly I'm losing what's left of my mind wondering when I'll hear back about it... or if I'll even hear back from the therapist I reached out to.. But I've now taken more meaningful steps towards a better tomorrow.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Deffo not an OG, but welcome back fellow Brit Your journey/path sounds very exciting. I noticed you didnt put friends, have you made friends across the ocean yet?

 

[okidoke]

Hey man, you needn't fight this stuff alone. It doesn't make you any less of a person to admit to yourself that you need another's help. Good on you for reaching out for it. Can I just say though, please, please, don't be put off if the first professional you visit with doesn't click with you. I hope they will, but sometimes they don't; like any relationship. I'm not sure how it is there, but here in Australia there is a bit of a wait to get in to see one. We get a referral from a GP and then try making an appointment with an available therapist. Some aren't taking new clients. Mental health is such a growing health issue these days. Hope you get seen to soon. We'd love to know your progress.

 

[lonewolf]

Thank you, It's certainly been a rocky road. But no, no friends (YET). I struggle socially, and have self-esteem issues. I do tend to keep to myself, but being in the new setting, without my family or old friends nearby, there's times the loneliness is bad. Other times I do just fine, and enjoy the peace of my own company.

 

[lonewolf]

Hey man, you needn't fight this stuff alone. It doesn't make you any less of a person to admit to yourself that you need another's help. Good on you for reaching out for it. Can I just say though, please, please, don't be put off if the first professional you visit with doesn't click with you. I hope they will, but sometimes they don't; like any relationship. I'm not sure how it is there, but here in Australia there is a bit of a wait to get in to see one. We get a referral from a GP and then try making an appointment with an available therapist. Some aren't taking new clients. Mental health is such a growing health issue these days. Hope you get seen to soon. We'd love to know your progress.

Thank you okidoke, it was a long fight, mostly alone with some solid support from a few select friends along the way.. but you're absolutely right.. and I put off what I didn't need to, and shouldn't have for far too long. I appreciate the tips.. I'm not giving up, I will make it though this.

 

[okidoke]

Thank you okidoke, it was a long fight, mostly alone with some solid support from a few select friends along the way.. but you're absolutely right.. and I put off what I didn't need to, and shouldn't have for far too long. I appreciate the tips.. I'm not giving up, I will make it though this.

yes you will. because you want to. happy to talk privately if you need to. i'm almost 56 and have suffered depression since i was a teen and didn't even realise it until i was diagnosed in my 40's. i still have the odd day when life seems not worth living, but i manage it so much better these days, and feel better than I have in many many years.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You were slightly before my time. I first came in 2010. Sadly, most of the OGs have long since gone, though I would love to see them come back. So, welcome back.

The hard part about changing your situation is that you have to fight for it. Just ask yourself if you would rather stay miserable or if you are ready to work to get what you want, which it sounds like you do. Force yourself to go out of your comfort zone. Start slowly and work your way up. You can get there.

 

[user 139760]

Welcome back. Yours is, if you re-read yourself, an incredible road traveled on, dude. You still have some problems, but you're doing all the right things in all the right way. You just need to hold on and keep moving forward. If you need some help, you can lean on us a while, dude.

 

[Murakami_1]

It's good that you are going for professional help

A therapist can give us an extra perspective and see the things we overlook

Hope everything will go well, hang in there! You made it this far, think of the things you can accomplish !!

 

[lonewolf]

Thank you so much everyone I'm a little overwhelmed with the compassion and encouragement here! And I'm not going to lie, it is proving to be a frustrating time trying to get a therapist. After a week of waiting for a response, one writes back to say he's too busy. Another replies almost immediately, and then ghosts me shortly after.. I pushed through my anxiety to call her office and leave a message only for her to text me back right away with short 1 sentence/1 word responses as to when she can call me back. That was yesterday, half the day is gone already and I still haven't heard back. It's frustrating, it's elevating my anxiety... but I'll take the small victory I made yesterday. If I can make 1 call.. I can make another.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Thank you so much everyone I'm a little overwhelmed with the compassion and encouragement here! And I'm not going to lie, it is proving to be a frustrating time trying to get a therapist. After a week of waiting for a response, one writes back to say he's too busy. Another replies almost immediately, and then ghosts me shortly after.. I pushed through my anxiety to call her office and leave a message only for her to text me back right away with short 1 sentence/1 word responses as to when she can call me back. That was yesterday, half the day is gone already and I still haven't heard back. It's frustrating, it's elevating my anxiety... but I'll take the small victory I made yesterday. If I can make 1 call.. I can make another.

I won't say I'm glad to see you back, I recall your name, from way back. heh.

All I can say, is, going to another country to chase love? Holding down work? Buying a house? You've lived a lot since my time here. Seems like a lot more living than I've done; but, that could all be relative.

I'm not one to put much faith in Psychiatry/Psychology; but, it can be immensely helpful for some people.

Good luck man. It's a wild ride, sometimes, life...