The "I'm too busy" treatment

[Albatross]

I get it all the time and people generally only talk to me when they want something. I always intend to cut them out of my life but can never bring myself to doing it.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

I get it all the time and people generally only talk to me when they want something. I always intend to cut them out of my life but can never bring myself to doing it.

The longer you tolerate this behavior the more it's going to hurt when you eventually cut them off, trust me, I know. Better alone than begging for companionship.

 

[Albatross]

My girlfriend of 3 years has been too busy to see me the last few months (I've lost track but it's at least 2 months). We live in the same town an both have vehicles.

 

[jd7]

the "i'm too busy" treatment along with the silent treatment are absolute dealbreakers for me. i completely agree, unless you work 2 jobs and have 4 kids, you're just rude if you can't take 10 seconds to respond. my little brother works 80 hours/week, has 2 little kids, a demanding wife an hour commute, lots of other friends he keeps in touch with, etc and i'm beyond impressed he still calls me for an hour each week, texts me, emails me and doesn't forget my birthdays.

i found that once you set your boundaries though and tell them that you can't be friends anymore because they can't make responding to you anything close to a priority in their "busy" lives... once you cut them out, write them off, seriously just forget about them... if they miss you and enjoyed your company, their time magically frees up a bit more. if they stay silent, they're obviously unreachable (could be depression/jealously/other issues) or just don't care for whatever reason.

This is true. I've got a sister who can't be bothered to respond to any phone calls or text messages. She's the favorite of my Mom, which is ridiculous in its own right. Anyway, people defend her rudeness: Oh, she's very busy, blah blah blah. Bullshit, unless you're the President of the United States, don't tell me you don't have 7 seconds to return an effing text message.

 

[ardour]

Yes. And never assume the reason a person isn't responding is out of dislike or disrespect. Sometimes, it's because the world is literally imploding around him or her.

I suppose if they receive a lot of messages they could simply have forgotten to respond. If, on the other hand, there's an impression that they simply can't be bothered responding, then obviously the friendship means nothing to them. It takes next to no effort to type a few words.

 

[jd7]

Yes. And never assume the reason a person isn't responding is out of dislike or disrespect. Sometimes, it's because the world is literally imploding around him or her.

I suppose if they receive a lot of messages they could simply have forgotten to respond. If, on the other hand, there's an impression that they simply can't be bothered responding, then obviously the friendship means nothing to them. It takes next to no effort to type a few words.

I agree. This is the power of trend observation. One cannot assume from an isolated incident or two. However, as time wears on, 'trends' do present themselves.

 

[ladyforsaken]

My girlfriend of 3 years has been too busy to see me the last few months (I've lost track but it's at least 2 months). We live in the same town an both have vehicles.

Something's not right here.... have you tried talking to her about this? Or does she just brush you off and tell you she's busy to talk about it?

Relationships won't work without consistent communication and effort. :\

 

[Albatross]

My girlfriend of 3 years has been too busy to see me the last few months (I've lost track but it's at least 2 months). We live in the same town an both have vehicles.

Something's not right here.... have you tried talking to her about this? Or does she just brush you off and tell you she's busy to talk about it?

Relationships won't work without consistent communication and effort. :\

We had a brief talk about it via text message. I said how I felt. She said she is actually really busy and pretty much called me a baby for being upset about it. I'm still hopeful that she is actually just really busy

 

[jd7]

You need to learn to hear what is not being said. She's screaming it loud and clear...silently. Don't expect everyone in life to be blunt about their motives, feelings, and decisions.

 

[ardour]

My girlfriend of 3 years has been too busy to see me the last few months (I've lost track but it's at least 2 months). We live in the same town an both have vehicles.

Something's not right here.... have you tried talking to her about this? Or does she just brush you off and tell you she's busy to talk about it?

Relationships won't work without consistent communication and effort. :\

We had a brief talk about it via text message. I said how I felt. She said she is actually really busy and pretty much called me a baby for being upset about it. I'm still hopeful that she is actually just really busy

If you haven't seen each other in 2+ months then, simply put, she's no longer your girlfriend. Her response was an insult to your intelligence. It's almost certain you will never hear from her again unless you contact her, and if you continue to do that the replies will get progressively more abrupt until eventually they'll be none.

She's been very inconsiderate to say the least. Moving on is the only option if you want to maintain some self respect. And if you ever see her again, say on the street; eyes ahead, keep walking.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Based on the evidence presented, it is more than likely the gf is hiding something - probably involved with or seeing someone else. She doesn't have the guts to confront the issue and tell you - for many it is easier on themselves if the situation just goes away - namely, you. She's hoping you'll give up.
i would confront her in person - show up unannounced, and ask her what is going on.
although, as noted, what she isn't telling you is screaming betrayal. you aren't the first to be treated this way.
I'd tell her she has no integrity or respect, and kick her to the curb. 2 months is beyond ridiculous.

 

[Albatross]

Oh. Well that sucks

 

[Peaches]

I am totally going to give the "I am too busy" treatment to this woman who still seeks me after FIVE times that she cancelled on me on the last minute, and twice I saw her posting pictures on Facebook going out with other people after she canceled on me.

 

[jaguarundi]

One of the things about being lonely, or just being the kind of person who has a few friends ( not hordes of so- called ones) is thay you are likely to make time time for your friends.

Maybe its just a personality trait of sensitive people, maybe its just that we really feel we need the few people we know. Maybe we just don't like saying ' no' .

So, we are available, dropping what we are doing to help a friend or just because a friend suggests doing something on the spur of the moment, and we want the company.

So people we know come to expect that we are always there and never too busy. They however do not extend the same courtesy to us.

Why would they? We are always there aren't we? So our lives are less complicated busy or fraught than theirs, obviously...

I have a friend who can be quite thoughtless like this, but I have learnt to say no to her - sometimes. She wants to meet for coffee in half an hour to whine about her mother in law? I haven't spoken to a soul in 4 days, and I really want to get out if the house and chat, but sometimes I say no, sorry, I am in the middle of something. Not impolite or sulky, just, sorry, no. Not today. Maybe tomorrow?

Funnily enough as I have done this a bit more, she has made more of an effort to make time for me, when I want it. ...

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Based on the evidence presented, it is more than likely the gf is hiding something - probably involved with or seeing someone else. She doesn't have the guts to confront the issue and tell you - for many it is easier on themselves if the situation just goes away - namely, you. She's hoping you'll give up.
i would confront her in person - show up unannounced, and ask her what is going on.
although, as noted, what she isn't telling you is screaming betrayal. you aren't the first to be treated this way.
I'd tell her she has no integrity or respect, and kick her to the curb. 2 months is beyond ridiculous.

Thanks for the advice, but she's not my gf, we're just friends, no romantic interest between us.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I am totally going to give the "I am too busy" treatment to this woman who still seeks me after FIVE times that she cancelled on me on the last minute, and twice I saw her posting pictures on Facebook going out with other people after she canceled on me.

Well, I can't say she doesn't deserve it after how she's treated you.